~LeT ThE sILeNcE SpEaKs~

~100 HaRi MeNuJu cHeNTa~

2010-09-17T13:52:00.007+08:00

Inshallah if Allah permits it and if everything goes as it is planned, I will get married in the next 100 days. Of all the dates in this year, I purposely choose 25/12/2010, 26/12/2010 and 1/1/2111 to mark this very special event in my life. The secret of those dates lies as followed:

25-26 - when I am 25 and will soon reach 26...

12 - From being single (1) I would live with someone else (2)

and as for the sambut menantu :

1/1/11 - when a gentleman meets a lady , there you'll have it, a couplet.

Nice huh?

Spare us some prayers. I really hope that things will run smoothly for both of us and for our families too. Till then, be good peeps!

p/s: realistically romantic..am I not?

~hohohoho~

2010-09-05T11:32:00.003+08:00

.........................................

shoo away all emulators...

for i might start blogging again soon...(though it would never be THAT soon mind you!)

so behold people!!

er...note the word MIGHT instead of will, may, or shall..hehehhe~

lastly, happy eid peeps..maaf zahir batin.

~tick tock..tick tock..~

2009-12-16T10:52:00.001+08:00

Note: Entry kali ni nk tulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia sebab ada orang komen asyik tulis dalam Bahasa Inggeris jek though I think it's not a biggie as long as your message is clearly conveyed.

Pagi ni seperti pagi-pagi yang sebelumnya. Hujan turun renyai-renyai. Cuaca sangat sejuk. Bangun je, dapat satu lagi sms. Sorang kawan dah kembali ke rahmatullah. Pembedahannya gagal. Manusia hanya mampu berusaha, tapi keputusan akhirnya tetap milik Al-Khaliq. Tersentak kejap. Aku merenung ke luar jendela. Rasa nak menangis, tapi kena tahan jugak sebab dah berjanji. Teringat aku tentang perbualan kami yang terakhir.

Aku : Kau dah fikir masak-masak ke? Aku takut. Aku tak mau kau pergi

Dia : Kau takut aku mati ke?

(Aku diam. Perlahan aku mengangguk)

Dia : Rilek la weh. Mati itu pasti. Semua orang akan mati. Lagipun mati time muda ok pe. Kurang dosa. (Dia tergelak kuat. Aku hanya mampu untuk senyum..pahit)

Aku : Kau ni~ Kelakar sangat la tu eh?Aku risau giler, kau memain lak eh

Dia : Betula la tu. Tu surat ape?

Aku : Alumni faculty of education kat Auckland

Dia : Offer hari tu kau dah tolak kn?

(Aku mengangguk)

Dia: Sebab dia ke? ke ada sebab lain?

Aku : Sebab banyak sebab

Dia : Eleh tapi yang utama sebab dia kn?Bukan cita-cita kau nak dapatkan PHD sebelum umur kau 30 ke? Then kau nak tulis buku kan? Kau dah lupa ke?

Aku: Sampai hati kau cakap sebab dia. Sebab kau la yang utama *ketawa* Mana ada lupa.Cuma aku....(Sungguh aku tiada jawapan untuk persoalannya)

Dia : Ti, hidup ni tak lama. Aku cemburu kat kau. Kau dapat study oversea. Ada degree. Sekarang dah kerja. Aku ni..cuma sempat sampai tahun ketiga je. Pastu keluar masuk hospital. At least, bila aku tengok kau sambung belajar, jd Dr, tulis buku...aku cukup happy dah. Aku tak mampu buat semua tu.

Aku : Kau jangan la cakap macam tu.Aku sedih la

Dia : Sebab tu aku nak operate jugak. Aku dah penat orang sedih tengok aku. Aku nk berusaha. Nak jadi macam kau. Kau faham, kn?

(Aku hanya mampu mengangguk. Entah kenapa aku menangis)

Dia : La...ni apa nangis2 pulak ni. Hingus kau nanti melekat kat aku. Dah la tuh. Eh, kau kena janji something dengan aku.

Aku : Apa?

Dia : Lets say kalau I couldnt make it...kau kena janji jangan nangis. Baca fatihah kat aku banyak-banyak cam yang kau buat untuk arwah Shah. Tolong lawat mak ayah aku bila kau ada masa. Kau kena further study, tulis buku macam yang kau selalu nak buat. Ha, time kau kawen nanti, jangan nak mengelabah atas pelamin or sengih-sengih sangat.Tak cun nanti. Lagi satu jangan make up tebal sangat.Takut suami kau pengsan tengok kau.hahahah

Aku : Ches~ Anyway, nape kau cakap camtu?. Aku tak suka la

Dia : kau tak janji lagi.

Aku : Inshallah aku cuba.

Itulah kali terakhir aku bercakap dengannya. Kali terakhir aku lihat dia tersenyum. Kali terakhir aku menangis di hadapannya. Dan janji terakhirku untuknnya. Teringat aku antara kata-kata terakhirnya..."Ti..hidup ni tak lama". Betul, bukan? Hidup ni tak lama. Hari ni..adakah aku:

1. Melakukan banyak amalan soleh lebih dari semalam?

2. Berbakti kepada ibu bapa?

3. Melakukan sesuatu untuk merancang masa depan dakwah dan masa depanku sendiri?

Sejauh mana kita telah 'pergi' berbanding di perhentian kita sebelum tidur semalam?

Tick tock..tick tock..masa berjalan.

Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~a ReaLisTic RoManTic PerSoN~

2009-11-29T19:53:00.002+08:00

....is best describe me after taking an online quiz (which puzzled me much til the moment i wrote this entry). Thanks to someone who 'forced' me to take this quiz, I finally get to know myself better (er..I guess la..jgn mara eh Imah). Here's the actual result:

You Are A Realistic Romantic
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets. You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Ok la kn? Not hoplessly romantic (yerk..sgt menggelikan *muntah*) and not too realistic (yang membosankan). Hohohoh...Wanna try it out too? Feel free to take this test.Bukan la encouraging sangat tapi tak salahkan untuk hilangkan stress keje (coz I know ader orang yang curi2 baca blog ni time keje..hohoho). Here's the link:

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouromanticorrealisticquiz/

Happy trying peeps. Do share with me you result eh..

Pen-off.

MayBe...I AM

2009-11-28T11:05:00.006+08:00

I think I am starting to loose myself. It's a cruel battle, but it is an important one. Maybe it's true afterall that I am scared to move on to the next chapter of my life. Somehow, things are just getting too fine and strangely, they freak me out. I am clueless of what I am supposed to do next. As I laid on my bed in the middle of the night, I realised that I am scared that history will repeat itself. I foolishly and purposely tried to make you hate me, though I didn't know why I did that. Maybe because you're so kind to me so I decided to test your kindness? God, I am too scared. Because of that, we are left with broken chatters. I could feel it. We're becoming strangers to each other, aren't we? If I ask you to stay, be with me, encouraging me to trust myself and you more, would you be there for me? or would you shun yourself away from me just like what had happened before? I know I should ask you these long time ago..but I was just too scared (and still, I AM right now). Maybe, it's because I've grown to like you??? God, I've gone bonkers, I know.

If I ask you to stay...would you go away?

soledad....maybe I am.

~I BeG To DiffEr~

2009-11-05T07:03:00.002+08:00

Since I obtain my degree from overseas, my prowess of English and my pedagogy skills are often under scrutiny. Most people expect that I will pronounce every word in the most traditional and in Queens English manner, and that I know every single English word and on the top of all, my grammar is flawless. Of course, I don’t. That means, I often subjected to criticism, reprimanding me that I am such a waste of the government money.

I am expected to make my students, (who happen to have poor English proficiency) pass the 111/9 SPM paper, even when I first took over the classes, most of them were struggling to distinguish the correct use of WH questions, let alone coming out with a simple and proper sentence in English.

When I made simple homophonic errors (which I often do), please be informed that I am a human being, thus, mistake is one of the principal human conditions. So, please spare me your verbal slams because they hurt. Seriously!

Fine, I readily admit that I haven’t fully mastered the language, so does the art of teaching. However, I can assure you that I have tried my best (and am still trying) to make my language close to perfection and sharpen my teaching skills (finger crossed).

There, I’ve said it. Loud and clear.

But then again….

maybe my complains fell under the deaf ears *sigh*

Think about it peeps. Pen off.

~aLaHamDuLiLLah...~

2009-11-03T07:36:00.003+08:00

Entah di mana silapnya, rasa diri macam dah semakin hanyut. Waktu qiam pagi tadi, aku berfikir tentang banyak perkara.Tiba-tiba jek menangis. Rasa kerdil sangat. Banyak sebenarnya 'signal' yang ALLAH dah bagi, tapi mungkin aku yang lalai, kurang ambil port sangat.

Alhamdulillah...kerana

1. Aku masih muslim
2. Masih sempat untuk berbakti pada mak ayah
3. Walaupun tahun ni banyak kali accident, tapi aku selamat dan tak mengalami kecederaan teruk
4. Walaupun rumah sewa haritu terbakar, tapi tak banyak barang yang rosak. (melecur sikit tapi masih boleh bertahan..still macho lg..hohoh)
5. Dapat kembali ke Auckland untuk convo (dan jumpa junior2 tersayang)
6. Dapat jalan-jalan ke Sarawak (dan masuk Indon secara haram..hohoho..mmg thrilled abes!)
7. Tiada di rumah sewaktu rumah dipecah masuk. (My neighbour was raped by the intruder)
8. Allah hadirkan kawan-kawan yang baik, menggembirakan dan sempurna bagiku.
9. Dapat students yang sangat mengambil berat dan menghiburkan (er..walaupun slalu migraine memikirkan prestasi akademik dan disiplin derang)
10. Aku masih sihat dan mampu hidup tanpa bergantung pada orang lain

....and the list go on.

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal

~ThE Day WhEn I aLmoST GoNe BonKerS~

2009-10-18T08:14:00.005+08:00

I have seen it on telly or read it in books, but I've never thought it would happen to me in my normal-everyday-life. Not even the slightest! Just when I thought alamada would be a perfect alternative to lazying around with my friend (apart from midvalley of course) things went unexpetedly. I was 'ambushed' by my auntie and dear cousin. Being a normal human being whose survival skills was never undoubtedly questioned, my survival instict quickly resolved to several options:

1. Pretend that I did not notice them (yer la..terang-terang dah nampak derang terpacak depan McD..boleh ke wat2 tak nampak lagi? Next option please!!)

2. Pretend to pass out (considering the rate of my heart beat when I saw them, this seemed to be the best choice..tapi segan r nak pengsan2 depan orang rmai)

3. Run away...FAST!!! (and leave my friend there alone? Nope, seemed to be unwise)

4. Stay calm, smile and act cool (which I did...finally)

Thank god, things eventually turned out ok. Thanks to someone who managed to stay calmed, I was spared from an embarassing pass out in public event. Memang super cool semalam. Though I am reluctant to admit it...'dier memang cool'

p/s: should scout for another place to lepak2 next time

Pen-off.

~hE aNd Me ThInK aLiKe~

2009-10-13T10:33:00.003+08:00

One of my friends pointed out yesterday that some of my former entries sound almost 90% similar to one of his friends'. Feeling uneasy (or shall I say VERY eager to confirm the former claim?), I decided to have a peek on the blog. There, I was, speechless and unable to believe what I saw. It is true afterall!! Oh tidak!!! We talked about the same issues in a VERY SIMILAR manner of writing. Giler byk yg same. What a pure coincidence! He and me thinks alike. Have you encountered the same experience in your life? Do lemme know about it ya. Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

p/s: Oh God, still x boley nk percaya.

~ThEy WiN~

2009-10-07T13:55:00.002+08:00

i succumbed to their demand..
ladies and gentlemen,
i hereby humbly announce..
that I own a facebook

*sigh*

(still rse cm x pyh de facebook pn x pe)

~ThEre'LL bE TiMeS...~

2009-10-07T07:14:00.003+08:00

...when we tend to think about the future...
as much as we think about the past..
...and Iam glad that I could finally let go the vestige of an old memory
alhamdulillah~

~LearNinG To coMproMiSe~

2009-08-11T15:22:00.002+08:00

Quite recently,i have received many queries about a matter (sorry, I can't really reveal what the thing is all about). Anyway, to answer them, let me start with something that I love..a quotation.

"a woman without her man is nothing"

do you agree? well, i reckon that most of the female readers are fuming with anger upon reading this, no? okay, try to read again. This statement can be read in two different manners namely:

1. A woman, without her, man is nothing.

2. A women, without her man, is nothing.

Can you spot the difference? A comma or a pause could make a hell lot of differences in terms of meaning. People are unique for they think differently and thus, interpret a situation or a statement differently. So, make yourself clear whenever you want to voice out your intentions or opinions. Never assume that the other party could understand you. (er..ok, maybe some could if they have telepathic power). Do not afraid to say what you mean or mean what you say. Make yourself clear. Good luck peeps.

***************************************************************************************

Student: "teacher,today i learned a new kata2 hikmah."
Teacher: "you mean, a quotation?"
Student: *scratching his head. perhaps trying to grasp the meaning of quotation* "er..yes. No woman no cry"
Teacher: (ches, hampeh tol)"oh really? i've learned a new quotation too. No man no migraine"

Later, both teacher and the student were laughing non-stop.

p/s: have you figured out the 'matter' by now? read between the lines. Huhuhu~

Pen-off.

~SooN iNsHaLLaH~

2009-07-29T07:17:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone

Allow me to apologise for being lethargic in updating my blog.
There are so much things to share yet i couldn't find the time to write.
Being busy? Yes, super busy.
Will put on something soon...inshallah.
For a meantime, be good everyone. Enjoy your days.

~HoPeLeSs~

2009-06-24T07:10:00.005+08:00

Dear readers

Please be informed that as you are reading this post, i've just few hours ago discharged from the hospital. I was involved in a road accident. I saw a person died before my own eyes yesterday and I could still recall the blood running out non-stop from his head and entire body. The worst part is that there was nothing that I could do to help him. Nothing. Nil. Zilch. I was afterall hopeless. Though Kak Mimi (my housemate) said 'Dah sampai perjanjian dier dengan Tuhan...kita x dpt nk wat pape. Eti pn time tuh dh x sedar" I wish that I could do something, anything to help him. Despite the unbearable pain, I should have just plucked my courage and tried my best to help. I cant stop thinking about it. The image keeps repeating in my head. *sigh*. That's why, here I am, in school, stubbornly attending my classes despite the MC given. I really have to do something useful today. Although I have no idea at all who the victim is, lets spare him an Al-Fatihah.

~HaRaPaN jEk~

2009-06-16T07:06:00.004+08:00

The changes that I keen to see at present:

1. Cikgu G will stop bugging me - no more unwanted smses, incoming calls, presents and most importantly, stop giving me that 'friendly' a.ka. gatal stares. I don't need one!

2. My students to put extra effort in completing their essays just as much as they love writing up their journal - oh puhleass peeps! Pn Zuraidah might question me over your incomplete essays *muke cuak*

3. Less gossips in the staff room (or shall i said in school? hm~)

4. ..................................................................... er, i really have no idea for the fourth one. One just can't dream too much, can they?

p/s: In the midst of the constant pathetic, have-to bear- trials, I think I found some rays of love. Thanks peeps for all your support and love! I love you all too of course!

~MeNyEraH~

2009-05-27T07:12:00.001+08:00

aku lelah
aku ingin mengalah
berikan kasih-Mu Tuhan
agar bisa ku bertahan

~iMmoBiLe~

2009-05-25T13:33:00.004+08:00

have you ever walked on a street that leads you to nowhere?
i think i am walking on one..
if only i knew where it leads me...
i need to know...
but i can't say it loud
i'm trapped but i could not escape
my hands are tied and my legs are chained
all i need is a wind of change
so i could smile
and walking for miles

im waiting......

~aKukaH....~

2009-05-25T13:29:00.002+08:00

....yang tersalah tafsir?
kembali menjadi musafir
dalam mimpi yang takpernah pasti
tenanglah wahai hati
aku semakin keliru
bila kata menjadi bisu

~GraDuaTioN~

2009-05-08T02:34:00.003+08:00

Auckland, 6.35am....

Yes peeps, I'm currently in auckland and had attended my graduation ceremony. I have approximately one hour before I have to shoot off to the airport and catch my flight. *sweating and trying hard to type in a quick manner*

What is so special about the graduation that I'm willing to spend almost RM2256 and fly accross thousand miles just to be present for this event? The answers are simple. The university honours us, the graduands and for a self satisfaction. Alamak, dah ader yang merajuk ke bace statement tuh? ok let me add some more....to meet all the lecturers, friends and of course, huggly wiggly juniors back! (better?)

The university really honours us in a sense that the road in the city is closed and all the graduands have to march their way to the Aoetea Centre where the ceremony takes place. It was awesmoe and cool to march in the city in your regalia, together with other graduands. The people who stood by the road threw flowers, cheer at us and snapped some photos. Surely I can't ask for a better graduation ceremony. Thank God I was in the Universtiy Of Auckland!

However, I cried during and after the ceremony. Firstly because I had a mixed emotion of rejoice + proud + satisfaction. I wish my parents were there, watching me proudly as I was capped by the dean. Luckily Rye and Naim were there with me. They even shed some tears for me. As quoted from Rye ' rase sebak tengok akak atas pentas tuh...dh grad dh akak'. If other graduands recieved flowers, I on the other hand received a pink love shape necklace for my graduation. Oh ya, together with a congratulation card that has a bride and bridegroom dancing together happily on the front of it...hahaha...thanks Rye and Naim. That was cute and of course, hillarious! *smiling*

Apart from the graduation itself, it was good to meet all the people who are of course, close to your heart. I met Sheryll heaps of times, had dinner and lunch with her, even being 'forced' to give a talk to about 75 students teacher. I swear, I almost fainted when she told me that. Eventually, I love sharing my experience with those students, though I received cold stares from some of the students. Anywhere, why should I care? I don't even know most of the students anyway. Some students even asked for my email address and phone numbers as they wanted to post their queries in the future. The juniors on the other hand welcomed me with a heart warming welcome. Nanad and Jenna tried hard to cook a super delicious nasi lemak, Sara with her cool SLR camera who constantly snapped lots of beautiful pictures of me, Teh, who helped me a lot when I wan in need...and others as well...Thank you so much. You guys are really rock!

God, I really need to stop now. Have a pleasent days ahead. I can't promise you readers to update any entry soon. So, till we meet again some other time. I leave you with heaps of love and good prayers. Pen-off.

~HaVe yOu...~

2009-04-05T15:45:00.002+08:00

...ever tried something new that you've never thought you would do one day? Well, I did. I did perform traditional Malays and Bumiputera dance in front of the crowd!!! For those who know me..could you guys ever believe it?

Seriously, I couldn't understand how my school management works, but they eventually sent me to a teather and dancing course last week. So, there I was, stood blankly ibn front of the coaches as they thought me the traditional Malays, Indian, Sumazau and Iban dance. It was extremely difficult at first as I had never dance before in my entire live. As one of the coaches once told me "awk ni keras cm kayu". You see, even the male teachers were better off than me at first. Since I could no longer stand the sarcastic comments and decided that I had enough of those frustration stares from the trainers and teammates, I had to kiss my previleage of sleeping on the comfy bed in my hotel room goodbye and practised the steps and movements of each dancing. After much of hardwork, tears and sweat, I finally managed to dance in front of the crowd without any hesitation. Hohoho. It was unbelievably great. That of course, suprised all the trainers and my teammates. Im not fond of dancing though...but when I was sent to attend it, I did it wholeheartedly.

We tend to think that we can't do something without even bother to give it a try first. I am ashamed to admit that I did have such notion when I first stepped into the training room. Im glad that I've learned something throughout the course. Never give up and never say never. Give yourself a chance to explore and experience something novice in your life. If you fail for the first time, try to do it again and again and again. Afterall, practice makes perfect. Think ab0ut it peeps. With that, I pen-off.

~10 WaYS To aVoiD gaTaLNeSs & MiaNgNesS~

2009-03-17T06:45:00.004+08:00

It was 10.25 am in the morning. Somwhere in the staff room, a teacher was devising a brilliant plan to avoid the increasing of gatlness and miangness that she has to face each day. She came out with some resoulutions:

(1) Do not wear sexy clothes - what the heck? So far I'd always with my baju kurung.
(2) Do not walk alone- Sometimes it is inevitable for your timetable and your friend's one are collided. Maybe I should put walk with your teddy bear instead of friends?
(3) Pretend that you're sleeping/ busy- Ok, I choose busy for this case. I'm always busy, yet the teachers kept bugging me.
(4)Be bold and tell the teachers that you're not comfortable with them bugging you- Haven't I once said to one of the teachers "Cikgu jgn la gatal sgt...sy tak selesa la"
(5) Wear a "Saya anti Cikgu Miang" T-shirt during sport practice- Bolehkah? Cam poyo jek
(6) Report it to the principle or PK or perhaps, their wives- ..and bear bigger gossips? or maybe being chased with a 'parang?' NO WAY!!!
(7) Ask the students to act as your bodyguard- I don't have to ask. The students were protecting me at times whenever I was outside of the staff room.
(8) Ask for transfer - I'm not a person who run away from my problems though, plus, there's a possibility that I might face the same issue again in my new school.
(9) Get married- *chocking* Easy to say than done. Tak boleh.Ada perjuangan yang belum selesai.

So far all these plans were not effective enough. If worse come to worst, maybe I should just jump for the last resolution, that is....

(10) Tell the teachers that you prefer ladies rather than guys -..in other words ' YOU'RE A GAY'

God, I really can't stand the gatalness but I don't know how to handle this problem. Can somebody shed some lights on this issue?Think about it peeps.Pen-off.

~To MaKe ThiNgS cLeAr....~

2009-03-06T22:49:00.002+08:00

I think this ballad says it all...

tatkala rindu berbisik
dan bilamana sang arjuna merisik
tidak sekali aku terusik
hatiku masih beku
dingin bak salju
belum sampai ketentuan Tuhan
hanya DIA dan rasul jadi pilihan

so korang sume still rase kite dilamun cinta?hehehe...think about it peeps..pen-off!

~aS if IT is a CurSe...~

2009-02-22T16:51:00.002+08:00

I dont know why, it seems that each time I am happy, there would always be something that jeoperdise it. As if I've been cursed, the happiness had never lasted for long. Sekarang ni saya sangat-sangat bahagia and I always smile (I can't tell you why..maybe not now..sorry readers) but I'm so afraid that something, someone or perhaps time would snatch the feelings. Ya ALLAH, rezekikan aku dengan kebahagiaan ini. Namun, sekiranya kebahagiaan ini bukan milikku maka KAU ambillah ia sebelum aku terbiasa dengannya. Ketenangan dan kebahagiaan ini sangat meresahkan. I'm crazy, I know. I'm entering a new chapter in my life. Alhamdulillah. Pen-off.

~a CoNfeSsIoN... of a CoLd HeArTed Me~

2009-02-14T22:18:00.007+08:00

I have never been that far
although I have never been that close
you might think I was an ignorance soul
but I did know things
though without you I almost parish
yet, I couldn't afford to be selfish
there might be things that I forget
but never once I hold any regret
you mould me upon becoming whom I am today
a wiser and more matured me
a person who choose to try
rather than to cry
a person who choose to stand strong
even when all goes wrong
and because of that
I thank you for the fond memories
wherever you are and whatever you do
be good..and be happy

*********************************************************************
student: Teacher, nah chocolate...
teacher : Chocolate? *blur* er...thanks
student: Ye la..untuk teacher..Happy Valentine's Day *grinning* Mesti teacher sedey kan skrg
teacher : Kenapa plak teacher kne sedey?
student : ye la..sbb teacher kne datang sekolah harini pasal kitaorg. Teacher tak dapat gi dating. Sorry teacher.
teacher : *chuckling* hey, don't be. It's ok really. I don't have any boyfriend pn.
student : teacher tipu. Takkan la orang comel cm teacher xde boyfriend
teacher: buat ape plak nk tipu2. Betol la.
student: tu la teacher. Blajar lg kt luar negara lama2. orang pn tak jumpe teacher.
teacher: *speechless* [am I to be blamed for studying overseas or for not having a bf?]

~To aLL My FrIeNds OuT ThERe~

2009-02-09T07:14:00.005+08:00

A woman has strengths that amaze men....

She can handle troubles and carries heavy burdens
She holds happiness, love and opinions
She smiles when she feels like screaming
She sings when she feels like crying
cries when she's happy
and laughs when she is afraid
her love is unconditional
There's only one thing that's wrong with her
She sometimes forgets what she worths...

Please remind me in case I forget. Pen-off.

~if iT's ThaT sIMPLe..~

2009-01-30T09:07:00.003+08:00

1 Message Recieved

Open

Kay:
Salam, hey, asl senyap sunyi jek?Hows life as a REAL Tchr?

Me:
Survivng n still jugglng with workloads. the kids r awesome, but.. de cikgu G

Kay:
cikgu G?

Me:
Cikgu gatal gler. Miang. MayB I should juz clorox him bits. kaC tgl miang dier.

Kay:
hahaha. x surprsg at all 4 cuties like u. hey, ko bgtau ko single mingle ke kt dier?

Me:
gler, xde keje aku wat announcemmnt aku still single.ari2 de cikgu2 tnye, aku jwb sejujurnya r. i guess he heard.p/s: im not dat cute..plz r

Kay:
yes, u do. kalo x nape aku jeles kt ko dlu kjp.hahah. nway, cpt2 cr guys n kawen, abes citer.

Me:
u did? jeles at me? whoa. asl aku x tau pn? hey, it's not dat simple k 2 find good guys these days

Kay:
dun C wuts so biggie 4 u. U r CUTE n baik. Sure rmai nk. Ko jek x tau. Hey, kalo ko ckp ko nk kawen, rmai kot msk. hehehe. u juz need 2 throw a dice n choose.

Me:
X baik r ckp cm2. ni bkn game weh. it's not dat simple.

Kay:
ye la syg. I gurau je. Hey, pe cikgu G tu dh wat kt u?

Me:
pnat r nk txt. u giv me a call r. nnt i tell u da rest

(kay gave me a call n we talked for almost an hour...hehe)

~aGaINsT aLL OddS...~

2009-01-26T11:07:00.011+08:00

(When was the last time I updated my blog? Two weeks ago? Gosh!! How I miss putting up a new entry! I'm so sorry peeps, the Internet seems unable to penetrate the quantum of my new place. Hence, I wont be able to write down something as often as I did in the past years)

The school was old, but I was new. Unlike many of my friends who had received warm welcome from their principal, I have never had a chance to even experience it. On the day I reported myself to the school, the principle greeted me with "Cikgu baru lagi? Awak dari mana pulak ni? Kami tak dapat pun apa2 surat tentang kedatangan awak ke sekolah kami" I felt so much dejected and rejected. It was surely not a good kickstart for your teaching career aite? So, while I was trying hard not to cry, I put on my smile and explained to her that I had been asked to report duty at the school and showed her my letter. She quickly skimmed my letter and eventully smiled when she learned about my option. "Eh, awk ni opsyen BI rupanya. Kami memang dah lame tunggu cikgu bahasa inggeris. Selamat datang ye ke SMK Sungai Besar" Whoa...siapa yang sangka that your major really plays a crucial role in making you be welcomed to the school?

So, there I was. In a small town, very far away from the rest of my family and friends. I was posted in a place that is located at the end of Selangor boarders. You have to drive for nearly an hour to get to the next town, which is Kuala Selangor. It takes only 45 minutes (or less) to reach Teluk Intan from Sungai Besar. In less than two weeks, almost everyone in the school and shopkeepers in the pekan knew me. "Cikgu Inggeris yang baru datang tu" " Cikgu yang jalan laju-laju tu" "Ala, Cikgu Aziati yang yang suruh kita cakap Inggeris tu" were among the remarks that that I often heard about me..[okay, accidentally heard!]. Oh ya, there's another one "Cikgu yang terjatuh kat tangga masa perhimpunan tuh" Yes!! I did stumble and fell on the stairs when the principal called out my name as she wanted to introduce me during the assembly. Oh, malu giler!!! There goes my new resolutions for this year!!!

You'll be shocked to learn that the students' proficiency is surprisingly very low. I remembered when I had to enter a form four class for relief and asked them "Can you understand me?" The students stared at me blankly. Finally, I wrote on the board "Can you understand me = Adakah awak semua faham saya?" and the students immediately said "No!![oh, tau pulak no tu tidak ye] Cikgu, cakap la bahasa Melayu kitaorang tak faham la" before someone shouted "cakap jawo ke" and someone else added "cakap banjar pon ok" I didn't know whether I should cry or laugh. There were quite a number of Chinease students who could not understand English and have poor vocabulary of Bahasa Melayu. I couldn't make them to understand me, nor did they make me to understand them. So as a last resort, I made myself to learn Mandarin instead. Thanks to Hanafi, a form four students who apparently attended a Chinese vernacular school before, I got myself a new lau ser to linguify my Mandarin. hohoho. In return, I voluntarily tutored him English.

Oh ya, the school assigned me to be the form teacher for 4A6, also known as 6 Jahanam. Some teachers even called the class as the National Zoo. My class was isolated from other forms (dont ask me why). When I first entered 4A6 last Friday, I could hear monkey sounds, chirping birds, and thousands of other unidentified sounds from far away. As they saw me walking into the class, they greeted me with "cikgu, cikgu yang jatuh kat perhimpunan hari tu kan?" instead of the normal "Selamat pagi cikgu" or "Good morning teacher". What a blast! hahaha. So, as expected, the class proficiency is relatively low as well. Hence, I wrote some english words on the board and asked them to draw in their books. I knew it was so like primary or kindergarten things to do, but I just didn't know where to start in just 30 minutes, and during the last period. Sume orang pun dah takde mood nak belajar. We later played hangman and of course, made so much noise that might disturb other classes. Thank God, our class was quite alienated from the rest of other classes.

Apart from being assigned with 4A6, I was made responsible for other posts as well. Here's the lists so far:
1) Jurulatih [or perhaps jurulEtih?] olahraga
2) Ketua Penyelaras Bahasa Inggeris tingkatan 5
3) Guru Penasihat Kelab Badminton
4)Pengurus Pasukan Bola Keranjang Sekolah
5) Ketua Projek Nilam
6)Ketua Unit Siar raya PSS sekolah
7)Ketua Unit Elit Bahasa Inggeris for PMR and SPM (I have to come to school every Saturday for the extra classes)
8) Jurulatih pasukan pantun sekolah. (Darn, apparently some of the teachers spied on my certs)
9) Jurulatih silat (okay, I have to start hunting for my silat uniform. Cant remember almost all of the pencak..ches)

......and the lists go on. I cant remember all my jawatans and I've been told to expect more to come. I'm still not sure how and where to start. I hope that I would survive somehow and give my very best in all my undertakings.Wish me luck and spare me some prayers. Until we meet again peeps. With heaps of love, I pen-off.

~Why God DoEsN'T waNT To HeLP PaLeSTiNe?~

2009-01-18T17:47:00.002+08:00

...asked one of my roomates once I finished explaining about the history of Palestine to them. It began a with a thought expression session of the gruesome of war in Gaza at first, but later, I ended up elaborating about the whole history of our holy land, Palestine. Thanks to my ISK talk that I had attended before in Auckland, alhamdulillah, I managed to deliver some crucial parts of the history. What should I reply? Seriously, I had no idea. So I humbly said, wallahualam.

Now, given it a thought, I came out with some assumptions to answer her question:

1. Perhaps ALLAH wants to award the mujaheedin with 'pahala' for their patience and jihad.
2. Perhaps because we, the muslims are still divided and have no desire to unite as one . Just see how the Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Egypt and Labenon turned their backs about this issue. They are supposed to be the first ones to help their brothers and sisters in Palestine.
3. It can also be that we muslimss did not bother to even spare the mujaheedin some prayers. Some might do, but how about the majority of the world? Sadly, most of us are still purchasing the US and Israel's products. *Sigh* Would it be a day when all the muslims pray for the mujaheedin everyday and decided to completely and wholeheartedly boycott the goods and foods that come from the US and Israel.

I don't really know what to say. They are just merely my assumptions. They can be wrong though. Let's at least spare some prayers for the Palestinians. Kenapa? Supaya jika disoal di akhirat kelak, apakah yang kita sudah lakukan untuk mereka yang berjuang di jalan ALLAH, kita tahu, kita ada jawabnya. Inshallah. Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~KerNa KiTa SeOraNg GuRu~

2009-01-04T08:27:00.004+08:00

This poem is speacially dedicated to all my fellow friends, especially those who are going to Sabah and Sarawak...but on the top of all, it is specially dedicated to my hip friend, the one and only Miss Nur Farhana Aidid. Im gonna miss u you gurl!

kerna kita seorang guru
kita tidak akan pernah layu
walau ke seberang
kita tetap terang
kita tidak kenal erti lelah
kerna kita tak belajar untuk mengalah
kita tidak bisa untuk mengaduh
walau ada ketikanya kita terjatuh
biar tiada orang yang mengerti
kita masih punya keikhlasan hati
setia menabur bakti
tega seperti waja
kita akan terus mengajar
membina tamadun manusia
agar tiada jiwa yang dipersia
khabarkan seantero langit dan bumi
disini..dihati..cinta kita tetap bersemi
biar terpisah beribu batu
hati kita...tetap menjadi satu.

~ReaCHiNg OuT FoR SoMe LoVe~

2009-01-01T19:05:00.006+08:00

When most of the people were thrilled to celebrate the emerging of new year, somewhere, that is not far away, the Palestinians were entering another episode of their nightmare. A lot of innocent people were killed by the Zionist laknatullah and again, the world chose to turned their back against the Palestinians. Since the arrival of Jews around the year 1948, the Palestinians have been brutally forced to give up almost 80% of their original land to the invaders, all for the establishment of Israel, yet, they (the Israelis) asked for more. Thousands of people are killed everyday, the schools were bombed, innocent citizens were captured, food and water shortage in almost everywhere, the inadequate of medicine in the hospital and etc. We saw it on the telly, we read about in the newspaper, we heard it in the talks...but how much have we done to help them? What have you done to help them? Have you at least spared them some prayers today? By doing nothing, we deny the Palestinians' rights to roam freely on their own land and support the gruesome of war. Listen to their pledge, act like a human. They are reaching out for some love. Do your best to help them or at least, spare them some prayers. Show them that you care! Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

TABUNG AMAN PALESTIN

Aman Palestin Berhad
Bank Islam: 12029010047880
Bank Muamalat: 12070005133717
Maybank: 562263010787

No. 1, Jalan 3/3B, 43650, Bandar Baru Bangi
Tel: 03-89267019
Fax: 03-89259963
amanpalestin@yahoo.com
http://www.amanpalestin.com

~Try To HaVe a GooD oNe, ThIs TiMe~

2008-12-28T19:10:00.013+08:00

It's already maghrib. According to the Islamic timing, maghrib signals a new day, so here it is, 1st Muharam 1430 Hijrah, a new year. Well, even the Gregorian calender will soon march to his new chapter.

Randoms things that I have learned and happened in the past year:

1. Blogging is bloody addictive and is a proven to be an effective method of escapism
2. Blogging is also scary. You will never know who is actually read whatever you write.
3. Although you will never know who's reading your blog, it is actually ok to pour your thoughts to strangers (though at times without any self-censorship).
4. I can actually survive the worst in life (inshallah)
5. Sometimes we have to give up the good for the best...and the best is yet to come (inshallah)
6. Although saying 'no' to others is difficult, you really need to mutter it at times.
7. I do actually posses the power and courage to move the mountains and make a change.
8. I don't really have a sense of humour...alas, I do laugh a lot!
9. One of the ways to make your days better is to actually make other people's days better.
10. I've completed my degree with second class upper and merit for my practicum (alhamdulillah)
11. I own my first new car which I paid for it myself.
12. I can survive school!!!!

Things to achieve this year
1. Khuysu in my solat
2. Memorising surah Al-Baqarah
3. Start plucking guitar again. It has been years since I last played the instrument.
4. Try out more outdoor activities.
5. More travelings and discoveries in terms of both places and life itself.
6. Meet new people and make new friends.
7. Set an exceptionally good example to my soon-born niece (inshallah) and my friends' kids
8. Refrain myself from spewing curses to other road users (I'm dying to achieve this)
9. Avoid any self-humiliating incident during my convo...both in Auckland and in Malaysia, for silly incidents tend to look for me whenever I have such a grand and formal events.

......and the lists go on!

Happy New Year peeps! May you have 365 days of blessings and joys.

~ThaT's WhaT LiFe Is aLL aBouT~

2008-12-25T19:06:00.009+08:00

Lesson in life can come to you at any time and at any place of the day. Say while you're watching some boring and crappy sitcom, while you're gazing up to the sky, while you're chatting with a stranger or even as you overheard people's conversation while queuing up for some hot chocolates. I was lining up for my Oreo McFlurry, when one of the women who was apparently stood behind me said something that really struck me hard...at the heart (well...I didn't earsdrop people's conversation though but the lady said it rather loud and I could not help but to overheard her words) "You can't have it all. That's what life is all about".

A textbook of common sense. A publicly agreed that it is truth and somewhat close to the complete fact that you cant always get what we want, no matter at times how badly we want it and willing to sacrifice our life for it. No? Well, I do believe so. You study hard, score straight A's in your exam, get great promotions, marrying your dream man/woman..then suddenly (oh how we hate the word suddenly in the middle of the story)..well..something bad happens. Get involved in an accident, being betrayed by your spouse or perhaps business partner, your children grown up to be someone that you don't even know anymore, going bankrupt...sounds familiar? Aren't they all some cliches? We've seen those in the drama and perhaps, in real life. Some people even live with those drama. They don't experience it by option of course, but they have to put up with it. It's part of who they are and where they come from. Spare me your sigh and complaints. Oh well, we cant always get what we want regardless the superb plan that we have with us.

But at times, it's allright if you can't get certain things. It makes you stronger, it makes you learn to be a better person. When we fail, we taste the bitterness in life, we become more careful in the future. We learn to stand tough and grown to be more appreciative towards the people and things around us. We start to count our blessings and learn to pray hard. Thus, although failures are frustrating, they are often essential in life. Lets face it for real. Success is sweet, failure is bitter. Too much sweet wont do you any good, yet, too much bitter will ruin your life. A balance for both perhaps? A bit more sugar or perhaps, some more coffee? I really have no idea! Something to ponder about. Take your time to think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~aNd wHeN sHe GoT FrusTraTEd..~

2008-12-24T16:56:00.010+08:00

...she wrote an entry for her blog. Yes people, I'm so frustrated and mortified that I could kill someone! (er... murdering someone could sentence me to death, how about the second option..burn down the penempatan guru office?yeah..it sounds better) At first they said that the posting result will be out on the 16th and to our dismay, they changed it later to the 20th. On the 2oth, the result was out finally...but only for the primary teachers...how about us who are going to teach in the secondary? Funnily, as some of my friends decided to fully utilise the hotline service and constantly bugged the officers in charge (yes, some of us even took turn to call it), they confirmed that the result would be out on the 24th for the secondary teachers. Today, on the 24th of December, as I was online with an intention to check my posting result, guess what I found in the MOE website?

PEMBERITAHUAN
Penempatan Guru Sandaran Siswazah Terlatih dan Kursus Diploma
Pendidikan Lepasan Ijazah (DPLI) dari pelbagai Institusi Pengajian
Tinggi - Sekolah Menengah Boleh Disemak Pada 05 Januari 2009

Terkini from www.emoe.gov. my

My first reaction was..holy crap! God..I will only get to know the result next year! In 2009! Okay, lets not be too dramatic here. 2009 is just a breath away right. Although we have been treated so unfairly we are still considered to be lucky for having extra holiday as compared to our primary teacher friends, right? hahaha..Life can be exciting at times!

Anyway, as an escapism to my frustration, I wanna pen down something that I just discovered today. I was arranging few of my books when suddenly I saw a piece of note in one of the books. Strange, I have never realised the note before. It says:

Miss Aziati,
I have never done this before to any of my teachers. But I write this to you to thank you wholeheartedly. Thank you for being such a caring and great teacher to me.I'm glad that you did not give up on me when other teachers choose to do so. Thank you for always smile and enlighten us with your cheerfulness. You would never know how much that glimpse of you made my day, reminding me that school afterall, is not that bad anyway. Hope that you can back next year.

I have to admit that I was stunned when I first read the note. I had never once imagined that I would receive such a heart touching note from that student. This note is a testimony that confirmed what Henrey Books Adam's great proclamation that " A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops". I can't wait to start teaching again next year and for the years ahead. Pen-off.

~NeW ChEfs iN LiNe~

2008-12-18T22:25:00.004+08:00

Maybe because they were bored, all my younger siblings (with no exceptional for my two brothers) were so keen to try out their cooking talent. Aizat came out with his secret recipe of fried beef that was surprisingly so nuymmy (though I did not dare to ask him what were the ingredients or how he cooked the beef). Aiman on the other hand mesmerised us with his finger licking good ayam masak merah. Arifah, well, she had tried so many recipes and she had done a splendid job in preparing them. As for me, I have been experimenting some new recipes myself. Today I came out with a salad dish that is a fusion of eastern and western style (ceh..bunyi cm gempak la konon..hehehe). Arifah accidentally boiled some potatoes (some? quite a lot jgk la sbnarnya) and we really have to do something with those potatoes. I couldn't turn them into mashed potatoes as there were no fresh milk left in the fridge so I decided to make some salad. How ironic! Given the fact that I do not eat most of the vegie, salad is always be the last thing in my menu lists. Anyway, with not so much stuff in the fridge (well, inadequate ingredients seems to be a wise excuse) I managed to prepare a salad dish and thank God, it tasted quite good *phew* My parents loved it and had asked me to do it again some time soon. Perhaps when my sister Farah (who happens to be a vegie lover) comes back. God, I cant wait for tomorrow. Aiman had promised me to cook something for lunch...though I better not seeing him while he is behind the stove. You can never imagine how normally not-cooking-guys managed to prepare their dish...well, given a second thought, I rephrase. You better not! Hahaha...No offense guys! Pen-off.

p/s: My makcik is coming and she is a superb cook! Cant wait for the 23rd to come.
p/p/s: Ayahndaku telah menitahkan kami semua untuk pulang ke Trg esok menjenguk nendaku..cant online for a few days..sob..sob..sob..

~ThE PerFecT FaCaDe~

2008-12-17T08:32:00.004+08:00

they said I have a heart of steel
which enables me to endure the worst in life
they said I am blessed with a fairly quick brain
that is articulated in my speech and writing
they said I am very optimistic
that I could make do out of a situation and turn it to be the best
they said I have a lovely smile
that often brighten their days
they said I have my own style
that makes me one of a kind
but the truth is...
I am just an ordinary person
who is trying hard to stand tough
who at times stumble
who is still hampered by my past
who cries at night whenever I am alone
who struggles to live in everyday war
yes, I survived
but all my energy is depleted
whatever they said about me
might not reflect the truth
the perfect facade...

~ExacTLy a YeaR aGo...~

2008-12-15T18:27:00.003+08:00

This entry is specially dedicated to my brother, sister, brother in- laws and sister in-laws.

Exactly a year ago, on the same date like today (with different year of course!) our house held a wedding ceremony to welcome two my new family members and to celebrate a new phase of life for both my sister and my brother. I could still feel the sheer of joys and still have the mental imagery of the dais. The dais was the most enchanted one that I have ever seen in my entire life. It was full of fresh flowers and trust me, very mesmerising. I wish I could have one like that if I were to get married one day (ceh..angan2 tak boley blah...calon pon xde).

Anyway, what I love most about the wedding is that two hearts (in this case four hearts) are united. The happiness of both the bride and the bridegroom are clearly mirrored on their face and the air is full of love. I don't know whether I would have a chance to meet someone, fall in love with that guy and finally married to him and live happily ever after. Those who have found theirs are so lucky and should count their blessing to God. I really don't know what to write actually. My initial plan was to just write a few lines and congrats both my brother and sister, together with their spouses for their first anniversary. Look what I have done here. Huhuhuh. Ayway, to abg & kak yana, farah & abg adam...

Happy 1st anniversary. May the days ahead begin with joy and end in serenity.

~I wiSh...~

2008-12-14T21:46:00.003+08:00

........I didn't know about it
I wish people would let it buried
I wish I could wake up one morning
and not to think about it
I wish things were different
I wish I didn't write this stupid ballad at all
I don't know why
But I really wanna cry
I hope tomorrow
wont bring so much sorrow
perhaps this is my final song
for I know it is so wrong
to still write
even when hurt strikes

~BiLa KiTa..~

2008-12-14T07:16:00.002+08:00

bila kita terpaksa memilih...
ada sesuatu yang telah beralih

~ThEre iS...~

2008-12-12T07:11:00.005+08:00

....a Malay saying "sediakan payung sebelum hujan" or if you translate it "Get your umbrella ready before it rains". This saying either literally or figuratively teaches us to be prepared or get ready with all our means in encountering something (that is usually a bad thing). It's a monsoon season now and it'ss pouring everyday. Living in Kuantan, you can't really do much about it. You'll be stuck at home most of the time, do all the chores which at times can be boring. You'll be sweeping the floor four times per day (since there isn't much left to do), experimenting lots and lots of recipe (i think this is one of the reasons why the east coast people have variety of delicacies), watching telly *yawning*, and even willing to smack down your younger brother and sister just in order to get the modem and have the privilege of using the Internet (we had done this before...once! me, aizat and arifah).

Fortunately, I had bought few books before I went back to Kuantan. Ive spent almost RM300 on them but they worth the price. The list of the books is as follow:

1. The Malay Dilemma (Tun Dr Mahathir)
2. A Nation Before Self and Values that Do Not Die(Tan Sri Yuen Yuet Leng)
3. Travelog Dakawah: Meniti Hari Esok (Profesor Mohd Kamil Ibrahim)
4. Rahsia Kegemilangan Islam di China
5. Tuesday With Morrie (Mitch Albom)
6. For One More Day (Mitch Albom)
7. The Last Lecture (Randy Pausch)
8. If You Could See Me Now (Cecilia Ahern)
9. Where Rainbows End (Cecilia Ahern)
10. A Place Called Here (Cecilia Ahern)

If you notice, the first seven books concern more about life, issues and religion while the last three are attuned about love. Huhuh. I dont usually read love novels but one of my closest friends suggested that I read more love novel due to my lack of experience in handling love matters. Yes, I admit, he has his point there. Though I am talkative and laugh heaps, if you put a guy there, I'll be mute...unless if the guys is also a talkative person, so I would be more comfortable. Hahaha. So, peeps, what's new in your reading list? Care to share? Pen-off.

p/s: I strongly recommend For One More Day to all. It made me realise how great is our mother's love and how bad we are in treating them at times. Give it a try peeps!

~JusT HoW GooD is YoUr Trg VoCaB?~

2008-12-10T10:47:00.003+08:00

Me and my sister went out yesterday to buy few stuff. Yes, Arifah loves to go out with me as she would ask me to buy her these and that (Right, Arifah? Do you wanna beg to differ now? Hahaha). Being a good sister (or trying to be a good one) I usually wouldn't mind purchasing her anything that she wanted, well...at least not until she's 17 and started asking me to buy her few expensive stuff, which I humbly admit that I myself did not own such things. But most of the time, I did buy those things for her. Talking about spoiling my youngest sister!

Anyway back to the topic, as we reached home, my dad, who happened to be a Terengganuease asked me "Gi kuane sariang?Doktong?" Well, as compared to my other siblings, I think my prowess in the Terengganu slang is the best (I used to attend a school in Terengganu for two years anyway). My mind would definitely have no problem to process the first few words..but DOKTONG? What the heck is that?

Me: "Doktong? Do they REALLY have such word, ayah? Tak pernah dengar pon"
Ayah: *Paused for a while...thinking* Guane dok pernoh dengar? I think it means gallivating"
Me: You think? Hehehehe..*trying hard not to burst out my laughter*

I think my even my dad's Terennganu's slang is deteriorating. That's why he would speak in his Terengganu slang with me every now and then...eventhough I can hardly remember all the words. They have sammah (50 cent) supik (plastic), kenge (a lembik person), kalam (pencil), etek (jugak/ too), saing (companion/ friends), kupik (stingy). How unique is that?

Well...I wont blame you if you think that Terengganu is a foreign country...coz I used to think the same before. Pen-off.

~The DaTukShiP~

2008-12-08T10:37:00.005+08:00

Every now and then people kept talking about the Malacca decision to award Shah Rukh Khan (or should I put the Dato' title in front?) with datukship. Some agree, some wont bother but most of the people that I've met are beg to differ the decision. Well, I think it is a nature for most Malaysians to kept complaining about almost everything, and this issue, of course will not be excluded neither in the high class restaurant and in kedai kopi discussions or gossip forum. Hahaha. I personally was surprised when I first knew about it. But after giving it some thoughts, I think it can be considered as a wise thing to do. You see, by awarding the actor with datukship, we could actually promote our country to India. Sure Malaysia have a lot to offer to the tourists. Another thing concerns our economy as it would be easier for Malaysians to invest in India and for the Indians to invest in our country...well..it's my humble opinion though. You can just disagree with it. It wont be an issue to me.

Anyway, about two months ago, it was reported that the PM of Thailand had shoes and selipar jepun (God, the Thais also wear that selipar jepun!) thrown at him. I'm not sure whether or not the Malaysians would do the same to Shah Rukh Khan, (ok DATO Shah Rukh Khan) to express their disagreement. I hope they dont. But just in case any one has the urge, the temerity and the heart to throw shoes to this dato, please leave the selipar jepun for yourself...and I really mean it! Dont go to the lockup barefooted. If eggs are your weapon of choice, make sure that they are Grade A. Don't embarrassed our country. Sure we are not that so-low- class people, right? RIGHT? Hehehe... Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~Today, aS sHe WrITeS aBouT... ~

2008-12-07T09:20:00.007+08:00

She could still remember her first day in IPBA. It was dated way back five years ago. On the 16th of June, 2003, with her red jubah and cream scarf, she reported herself as a student teacher there. It was one of the most difficult decision for her as she was teetering between her father's desire to further her study in a law course and her own passion to be a teacher. Finally, she rejected the scholarship offer to further her study in laws in UK and decided to chase for her dream, that is to be a teacher. Not just a teacher, but the great one and nevertheless to say, the one who educates people. Her decision of course, infused great disappointment to her dad and he decided to gave her silent treatment for the next three years. She knew that she had crushed her father's hope. She had been exposed to some law books ever since she was in form two and she was constantly being included in all the discussions, namely political issues, economics and current changes that took place at that time and their effects. However for once, just for once, she decided to follow her own dream. She was sad too but never regret upon making such decision. Even today as she writes, she still felt a bit guilty and sorry for her dad. Anyway, on that day, despite her guilty feeling, she lavished her smile to anyone she met and tried to hide her tears for disappointing her dad.

The first person that she talked to is Siti Normaisarah, who is also known as Iyce. It was in the registration room where as normal, she would get confused even for a simple matter. So, she decided to ask the person who was lining up in front of her about this and that. That person gave her an indifferent look, not interested until she finally introduced herself. "Saya Aziati, nama awak siapa?" Iyce looked surprise upon hearing her name. Then they had a chat. It was few days later she knew why Iyce suddenly changed when she heard her name. A week ago, Iyce claimed her as the most chirpy person she ever met (in a positive way of course). Hahaha. Thanks Iyce!

IPBA has witnessed a lot of things that had happened to her. It was the place when learned more about life, to trust or mistrust people, to have friends and foes, how she hardly survived in few unfortunate incidents in her life and how she learned to love and learned to not being selfish and let it go (she might write about it one day..perhaps). IPBA is also a place where she had gained a vast of knowledge from the greatest lecturers, who of course had put her in some mental tortured sessions with the excuse of having her and her course mates to think more critically about certain issues pertaining the education and life. She is still haunted with the Dr Lawrence words 'C'mon people, put on your thinking cap!". *wink* Everyday, she and her friends had to climbed up the 64 stairs just to go to the lectures while later be in the sauna (DKB) for the lectures since the air-cond were constantly not working. She had to endure the heat, not to mention the aroma therapy from the students which was usually more suffocating than calming. She brazen all these just to complete her foundation years, get herself accepted in one of the overseas university and come back with a degree...which alhamdulillah she DID it! She finally graduated with a 2nd class upper degree (0.5 more to get first class...hua!!!) and got merit for her practicum. She was offered by her lectures to teach in one of the boarding school but she still uncertain with her decision.

Yesterday, as she waved goodbye to all, she cried her heart out. She realised that she was blessed with such a wonderful house mates and friends who are never hesitate to be by her side whenever she needs them. It was not the first time she left IPBA for she had left it to further her study in Auckland before but yesterday, it was different altogether. She knew she would almost never gone back to IPBA. Yesterday, might be the last time she met some of them (if not all) or perhaps the last time they could ever see her. Things won't be the same anymore for change is constant. If only all her friends (especially her house mates) could hear her now she would smile and say 'Thank you girls. I love y' all!' She has already missed them terribly. Oh ya girls, the song below is specially dedicated to you ok. Pen-off.

Hanson -I will come to you.

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear that I'll be there come what may

'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you, whoa
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand

~PosITiVeLy NeGaTiVE~

2008-12-03T16:50:00.004+08:00

Looking back at the few posts lately, I realised that they are positively negative. I think it was quite obvious that people could just sense my wrath (or dissapointment?) in the last two posts. To those who are quite new here, I'm not exactly an emo person..i love to laugh alot and can be considered as a cheerful person (huhuhu... boley ke wat self proclamation like that? I wonder). But as a normal human being who wears some flaws, I just cannot fathom some injustice in life and I really cannot stand people who tend to take others and their feelings for granted. So dear readers before I put a full stop for this entry, here are something that I had discovered for the past few days:

Control yourself. Remember that ANGER is one letter short from DANGER. But if are willing to have an extra patience, you'll definately become an ANGEL.

If it's possible I really wanna be an angel myself. I apologise for all my mistakes and wrongdoings. Pen-off.

~whaT HaVe I DoNe?~

2008-12-02T19:48:00.004+08:00

The title speaks for itself. I've done damages that has obviously cut people's heart. They don't deserve to be treated such way but eventually, I did hurt them...unintentionally and even without me realising it. God, I wish I could be more rational and sensitive.

Jaime
I know it's kinda childish to pen it down here but yeah..I guess it's me anyway. I owe you an apology. There was a miscommunication and I thought you didn't want to go out. I am truly sorry. I am!

To whom it may concern
It was not until today (or should I said just now?) that I learned that she took whatever happened amongst three of us as a competition and prided herself for winning it. I didn't know. Seriously I didn't. I thought you were truly happy with her (and I bet you still are). The way I see it, it has never been a competition. NEVER. I hope she understands that your heart is not something to be phunked about. It's to be appreciated and cherished. If only she could read this, I hope she would changed and be rest assured. You love her and that's it. I understand but somehow I feel guilty bits. God, what have I done here? I let it go because I thought it was for the best. I saw the pictures and I still remembered what you have written on your blog "I met someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with...but the past kept hunting me". I've kept my promise, haven't I? Nevermind, as long as you are happy now..so i guess, it just something that we all should forget. Just follow the flow, they said. Let by gone be by gone...I almost made it...until today. *sigh* You 've found what you have been looking for and alhamdulillah, I realised what makes me content most...my KHALIQ's love. I embraced my destiny and prayed for your happiness. ALLAH knows best. Pen-off.

~SoMe RaMbLiNgs~

2008-11-30T23:12:00.004+08:00

Personally, I am perpetually perplexed by few people who love to assume things without even bother to find out the truth themselves. It wont bug me much if they choose to keep their assumptions just for themselves but it is really annoying when those people start to talk to others about it and later whoa...the whole world knows about it. It's all begin with a plain assumption that so and so do this and that *sigh*

"Buatlah sesuka hati, tapi ingat, kamu akan MATI"

No offense ya but to all haters out there...GET A LIFE!

Pen-off.

~waTcha ThiNkIng..a sELf RefLecTiON~

2008-11-28T17:07:00.006+08:00

One of my rommies asked me to change my ringtone today. At the present, my ringtone is the Andra and The Backbone's hittest "Sempurna". She could barely stand the song anymore as she 'kept humming the lagu bodoh tu' (as quoted directly from her). Well, for those who have no idea what the song is all about, lets have a peek on the lyrics:

Sempurna (Andra and The Backbone)

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Amacam best tak lirik ni? Well, hold your opinion first and try to take a closer look at the lyrics again.

Sempurna (The edited version)

KAU begitu sempurna
Dimataku KAU begitu indah
KAU membuat diriku akan slalu memuja-Mu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan diri-Mu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cinta-Mu

Janganlah KAU tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersama-Mu ku akan bisa

KAU adalah darahku
KAU adalah jantungku
KAU adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, KAU begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

KAU genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
KAU bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

So, what do you think?Nampak bodoh lagi tak lagu tu or have you readers changed your mind? Lagu tu yang bodoh or are we the one yang sometimes agak jahil dan being too biased?Pernah dengar tak lagu Sandaran Hati by Letto? That song is actually a 'nasyid' (seriously!) but see how people manipulate it to their life accordingly? It's a wonder to see how our minds process the SAME information from the SAME source DIFFERENTly. When I first heard the song (Sempurna), I immediately like it, not because it reminds me of someone (oh how bodoh does it sound?) but more likely, it reminds me of my KHALIQ. Salah ke if I love the song? Okay la, maybe i'm not an ustazah or a mufti to draw a clear cut line of what is right and what is not, but whatever reminds me of my KHALIQ, I would definitely love it...er...even when others choose to think differently. Tapi I wont lie, it hurts when people choose to labeled what we love as 'stupid' or yang sewaktu dengannya. Uiks sensitif plak hari ni.Hahahaha. So readers, what do you think? Before I end this entry I love to share a saying that I heard before (Sorry, I cant remember the source). But it goes something like this:

Tugas seorang Daie ialah mengajak manusia ke jalan ALLAH , bukan untuk menghukum.

Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~aLHaMduLiLLaH...TerIMa KaSiH~

2008-11-25T19:04:00.007+08:00

(saya pun tak tahu kenapa saya memilih untuk menulis entry ini, dan sebagai seorang yang sentiasa blur, saya pun masih tercari-cari sebab mengapa pada kali ini saya memilih untuk menulis dalam bahasa Melayu. Takpe la kan, ni kan blog saya, jadi, secara logiknya saya tak perlu menjelaskan pape kepada korang kan?..heheheh)

Pada entry ini saya ingin berkongsi satu cerita yang agak menarik bagi saya. (Ok, saya terpaksa menggunakan perkataan entry sebab saya tak pasti perkataan yang sesuai untuk menggantikan entry dalam bahasa Melayu...alamak cam poyo plak cakap camni). Anyway, berbalik kepada cerita tadi. Cerita ini tentang diri saya dan satu cabaran. Satu cabaran yang merubah hidup saya. Satu cabaran yang menjadikan saya lebih teruja untuk bertemu dengan kekasih saya. Satu cabaran yang mengajar saya tentang erti sebuah cinta. Satu cabaran yang mendamaikan dan menenangkan hati saya yang selama ini memang selalu tak tenang. Satu cabaran yang korang pun boleh guna untuk mencabar kawan, adik, kakak, abang, suami, isteri, mak mentua, pak mentua...pendek kata sape-sape la yang korang terasa nak cabar. Yang best tentang cabaran ni, bukan jek inshallah korang akan menang, orang yang korang cabar tu pun akan menang jugak. It's a win-win situation. Dan saya cam boley jamin jugak (inshallah) orang yang korang nak cabar tu takkan pelekung, or kenekan korang balik (inshallah jgk). So, inilah masanya korang nak mengenakan sesape yang korang dh lama nak kenakan...ye tak? Confused eh? heheheh. So, korang yang ader semangat inkuiri yang tinggi mesti cam teruja kan nak tahu ape la agaknya cabaran yang cmbest sgt tu? cabarannya ialah... Jeng..jeng..jeng..ala, takkan la nak cakap kat sini terus kan, so korang kne read further kalo nak tau pasal cabaran tu. Ok, pada korang yang rasa bende ni cam mengarut dan buang masa, xpe la, tak yah bace pun takpe, tak rugi ape2 pun. Korang boleh skip entry ni.

So kisah dier camni, ada seseorang yang telah meminta saya untuk menghafal surah Al-Baqarah sebagai syarat untuk sesuatu. Yer, surah Al-Baqarah yang 286 ayat tu yang merangkap surah terpanjang dalam Quran. Walaupun secara awalnya dia bukan mencabar saya untuk menghfal, tapi mungkin sebab permintaannya yang agak unik tu membuatkan saya rasa agak tercabar (read: postively tercabar ok). Nak dijadikan cerita pulak, anak dara ketiga En. Aziz ni memang la agak pantang dicabar, so, dengan sepenuh jiwa dan raga dan lagak confidentya saya menyahut cabaran tersebut. Pada waktu tu, entah kenapa saya dengan mudahnya menerima 'cabaran' tersebut. Langsung tak terfikir yang surah tu sangat panjang (berpeluh) dan setiap ayat dalam surah tu pun boleh tahan jugak panjangnya (berpeluh lagi banyak...huhuhu).

Pada hari yang sama, right after solat maghrib, saya terus capai Quran dan baca surah al-Baqarah. Yang first 6 ayat tu inshallah, rasa-rasanya ramai yang x ade masalah kn nk baca. Ramai jugak kan antara korang yang siap hafal makna-makna ayat tersebut. Masuk jek muka surat yang kedua dan ketiga...fuh..tu dia..baru la terhentak ke realiti jugak. Panjang woo ayat-ayat dia..So saya pun try la hafal jugak (sebab dh macam tercabar kan). Hafal jek, tak tengok makna pun. So bila dah dua hari, saya rasa susah hati pulak. Tak banyak yang saya dapat hafal. Dah la tu, makna nya pun saya tak faham sangat. Fikir punya fikir, saya ambil keputusan nak tukar cara hafalan saya. Kali ni saya pastikan setiap ayat yang saya hafal tu, saya tahu maknanya sekali. Memang susah memula tu. Hampir jugak give up. Banyak hari dah berlalu tapi sikit jek yang saya dapat hafal. Tapi saya kuatkan jugak semangat. Saya sedar something was wrong somewhere. Bila check balik diri, baru sedar niat saya untuk menghafal ni. Saya hafal sebab syarat untuk mendapatkan sesuatu. Masa tu, saya rasa malu sangat pada ALLAH, pada diri saya, pada semua makhluk yang ada kat dunia ni. Orang lain berusaha hafal Quran sebab nak dapatkan keredhaan ALLAH..tapi saya....hm..entahlah. Sepanjang malam saya tak boleh tidur. Menangis jek.

So, sebab dah tak boleh tidur, saya terus bangun, dirikan solat Taubat..betul-betul doa mintak ampun kat ALLAH. Then saya rasa tenang sangat. Saya capai Quran, tengok balik surah tu. Saya start baca perlahan-lahan. Saya check makna nya sekali. Saya bertekad untuk tetap teruskan jugak 'cabaran' tersebut. Tapi kali ni, bukan sebab inginkan sesuatu, tetapi cukup untuk mencabar diri saya sendiri dan mengharap semoga amalan yang kecil ini ALLAH terima. Saya harap Rasulullah tak akan malu untuk mengaku saya sebagai umatnya. Jadi setiap kali ada masa yang terluang, saya akan cuba untuk hafal dan fahami makna setiap ayat tersebut. Makin lama makin seronok pulak. Makin baca makin banyak benda yang saya belajar dan discover. Selama lebih kurang nak 20tahun jugak baca Quran, saya tak pernah terfikir pun sebelum ni kenapa ALLAH bilangan surah untuk setiap golongan yang ALLAH ceritakan pada permulaan surah tu berbeza-beza. Pastu, banyak lagi ayat-ayat yang menarik hati saya dan membuatkan saya lebih berfikir tentang beberapa perkara. Oh..sungguh ayat-ayat cinta! Pernah tak korang alami benda-benda camni?hm~bunyi cam hape plak..muahahaha.

Anyway, kejadian ni sedikit sebanyak mengubah cara hidup saya. Pertama, cam yang saya dah cakap tadi, saya belajar untuk bermuhasabah dan berfikir dengan lebih baik (not that I didnt think or reflect before, but rather, more deeply than before). Kedua, saya lebih berhati-hati dengan tindak tanduk saya sebagai seorang muslimah. Permakanan, aktiviti, cara saya mengurus masa..semuanya saya try untuk jaga elok-elok. Teringat saya satu kata-kata yang lebey kurang camni la maksudnya (maaf, saya x ingat hadis ke, kata-kata ke..sapa2 yang tahu tlg bgtau ek) 'ilmu itu nur, dan nur hanya dapat menerangi hati orang yang tidak melakukan maksiat'.So, saya tak nak la kalo saya mensia-siakan hafalan saya ni. Jadual harian pun dah tukar jugak. Saya cuba pastikan setiap kali lepas waktu solat, saya akan try hafal dan tadabbur balik ayat-ayat yang saya dah hafal. Bermula dengan satu cabaran, saya mendapat satu ketenangan. Sekarang ni saya dah tak kisah sangat kalo saya dapat atau tidak apa yang saya hajatkan tu sebab saya dah terjumpa sesuatu yang lebih berharga dari itu. Inshallah. Saya tak pasti kenapa orang tu letakkan syarat surah Al-Baqarah pada permulaannya. Mungkin dia hanya nak uji saya, mungkin jugak dia nak saya menjadi insan yang lebih baik..wallahu'alam. Tapi walau apa pun alasan dia, saya sangat bersyukur kepada ALLAH kerana insan tersebut telah menjadi asbab kepada saya untuk melangkah setapak mebaiki kelemahan diri. Terima kasih ya ALLAH kerana menggerakkan hatinya meletakkan syarat begitu dan membuat ku berubah. Dan kepada dia, saya juga tidak tahu bagaimana mahu memanjangkan ucapan terima kasih saya kepada dia. Semoga ada orang yang dapat menyampaikan kepadanya atau perhaps, dia terbaca juga tulisan saya ini. Takpe la. Tak kisahlah. So readers, korang pun nak tak mencabar orang cmni jgk? Mungkin cabaran korang tu dapat membantu orang lain untuk discover sth good jgk....or mungkin korang sendiri yang nak mencabar diri korang sendiri? Nak try? Pen-off.

~Yes..I'm WeaRiNg HiJab..so?~

2008-11-23T16:00:00.006+08:00

Why do people tend to think that if you are wearing hijab, you cant speak English well or you dont have enough money to buy something? Hello? Sadly, some of the muslim also have that silly mindset. Rather than supporting women who are trying to uphold the Islamic teachings, some people attune to discriminate those who wear hijab as the former. Those women are condemned, labelled and being denied to even have a chance to prove themselves to the public. Today, I have a full blast of this prejudice. I walked into a shop with the intention of purchasing a present for my elder sister. Being hip and funky as she is, I decided to buy something that would suit her character, a ******* handbag (i really can't write what the brand is, or else you might know which shop i went to). I scouted around to the shop and finally spot a very trendy, funky handbag that I bet my sister would love it. However, as I were about to call the sale assistant there, I accidentally heard them 'gossiping' about me in English (as if i cant understand them la kan). Among other things that they said are I just walk around and wont buy anything cause I dont have money and 'nevermind, she cant understand us cause she's wearing tudung' (really? then, should I write this entry in Arabic instead?) . They were even show their prowess in English by using word as 'purchase' instead of 'buy' when gossiping about me. *smirking*. I was in rage at first and almost walked out from the shop when suddenly I a nasty and an obviously- not-so - good idea crept in. If I were to walk out from the shop just like that, I might be a fitnah for my religion. I had such I cant just let them confirm that their theory that 'hijab women are penniless and cant speak English well' is correct. Period! So, I looked at them and said 'you girls sure have fun mocking me around, hey, why dont one of you attend that lady (pointed to a lady) I bet, she loves it'. I took a few steps and turned back 'By the way, such attitude of yours is very imprudent. I'll make sure that your manager learns about it by tomorrow!' I gave them my sweetest smile and walked out from the shop. There, if you could see the girls, I'm sure you'll be laughing to see her gawking face. Ok, i know, tak baik ketawakan orang.

Looking back at the incidents, I couldnt help but to highlight some essential points (DO correct me if I were wrong). First and foremost, we, muslim women should not be ashamed and scared to wear hijab or to cover our 'aurat' properly. Be proud of yourselves! We have a bigger responsibility to perform our best as to shrug off all the negative connotations that are usually associated with the hijab women. What I dont appreciate though is how differently others treat you once you are in hijab. Many assume I dont speak English. Some shops hardly see me as a customer. Many workforce assumed that women in hijab is not credible for certain posts especially that largely concern with public relationship matters. *sigh* Since when does one's decision to wear hijab is a benchmark of her performance? Yes, we choose to wear hijab. We know that we are uniquely different, but not weirdly different for sure. So to all the muslimah out there, do not succumb to the pressure of others for HIS rewards is already there for us, inshallah.

Next, as much as we dont want others to discriminate us for wearing hijab, we ourselves should refrain any intention or action of doing the same to those who arent wearing hijab. I have few friends who arent wearing hijab. They often complaining that they receive the similar treatment ( i mean the discriminations) from others. They were perceived as care-free people who do not know how to perform their prayers, let alone reciting the Holy Quran. So I think it is a good time for us to stop and reflect over our actions and experience.

Before I stop, I love to make myself clear to some people who tend to have such discrimination over women in hijab. If you think that it is uncool to wear hijab, think again. It is way more uncool to being burn in the hell for not wearing hijab. Pen-off.

p/s: Farah if you are reading this (well I hope you are), please be informed that I didnt buy you the handbag. I'll try to get something else for you ya, inshallah. (ni alasan sbb tak beli hadiah ni..muahahaha)

~aNTaRa MiMpi DaN ReaLiTi~

2008-11-18T21:28:00.003+08:00

jika kita takut untuk bermimpi
kita takkan tega melakar realiti
namun, mengapa memilih untuk lena
bila mimpi ada di depan mata?

~DuNia dh Nak KiaMaT...Iye Ke?~

2008-11-16T10:00:00.002+08:00

Me and my tall, dark and handsome brother, Aizat went to Teluk Cempedak today (see Aizat, what a good sister I am to describe you in such manner!). Aizat gian nak berenang and as for me, I love to wander aimlessly along the beach. There were sea of faces on the beach so we had to find a remote area as I do not fancy the attitudes of some couples that I think are very much collided with our eastern culture, let alone the Islamic teachings. So, after jogging and walking for quite a some time, I decided to sit onto a large rock and waited for Aizat. There were still few couples at the areas. They were holding hands, sat so close to one another, main dukung2 and kejar2 (God, i really hope that these people are married!). There were no sign that Aizat wanted to go back that early. Mind you, this brother of mine needs at least 30 minutes whenever he is in the water. So, there I was, waiting for him and watching him as if I were his nanny. While waiting, my mind wandered to the Tsunami tragedy that happens few years ago. Macam mana kalau tiba-tiba Tsunami tu datang melanda while me and Aizat were here? Dah bersedia ke aku nak bertemu dengan- Nya? Dah cukup ke aku berbakti pada mak ayah? Dah mintak maaf dengan semua orang? Such thought filled me with shiver. I quickly istighfar and recited some verse from Surah Al-Baqarah. Suddenly, there was a dead silence. My ears could only process the sound of the wave and the chirping birds. Alamak, ade Tsunami ke? Panic! I quickly looked up to see what happened. All the eyes were fixed on me. The nearest couple that few minutes ago sat quite close to me stood up and walked away. Then the guy said "Yang, dunia dah nak kiamat la...ader orang pergi pantai baca Quran". The girl giggled non-stop and laughed out loud. 'La, pelik ke tengok orang mengaji dekat pantai?' Terdetik hatiku. Then there was another girl who said to her guy (dont ask me whether they are married or not cause I really don't know) "honey, you tengok, ni la calon orang yang nak kawen dengan ustaz". The guy replied "kawen dengan ustaz xpe, kalo dier pergi bom pantai ni macam kat Bali, lagi la..haru kite" Tuhan, hatiku benar-benar tersentuh. Kenapa orang Islam sendiri felt weird when they see other muslims reciting the Quran? Is it because I recite the Holy verse at the beach? Da~ Tolong la. Takkan la kene baca Quran dekat masjid je kot? Pelik jugak. Ada mazhab yang menggariskan peraturan camtu ke? Macam tak kena jek. *scratching my head* Hm..dunia nak kiamat bila ada orang baca Quran dekat pantai? Hehehehe..sengih je la. So readers, pasni cuba try baca Quran kat pantai. You might encounter some interesting experience too..who knows? Try it today and dont forget to pen down the experience ya! *smirking* Pen-off.

~aNTaRa AgaMa DaN NeGaRa~

2008-11-15T22:50:00.003+08:00

Ok, lets face it for real. Blogging is bloody addictive and self indulgent. I just posted a new entry less than four hours ago, yet, here I am, typing for a new one. Whatever happens to my self proclaimed that I am not an avid blogger? *sigh* Nah, lets shrug it off for a while. As I've promised you reader in the last entry, I would write something about my BTN. To those who had hoped for my crazy experience of BTN (not to mention embaressing as usual), I'm so sorry for I have to crush it now. And to those who wished for a pleasure reading, you may want to skip this entry for what I am going to write next is a serious matter. Nevertheless, I DO hope, you might read this entry somehow.

Ok, tengok tajuk pun dah bunyi macam serius kan? Antara agama dan negara. Well, all my siblings including my sister in laws had warned me prerequisite the BTN that I should do less talking and of course, put down my debating skills for a while. They meant well actually. You see, I am kind of person who loves to talk and at times, debating with others especially when the topics concern my principles and beliefs. Such attitudes, they afraid, might put me in 'danger' as I could be very into the 'discussion' and as usual, it might turn out to be the heated ones! So, being an obedient sister, I had tried my best to remain silent (read: silent here means not to talk more than 5 minutes per speech) and listen more. Well, who knows that less talking would put me in a GREAT DANGER as well!!!! Sob..Sob..Sob..To illustrate the event, here is an excerpt of what had happened. Isunya? 'Antara agama dan negara, mana yang lebih penting?'

N= My facilitator
A= Me

N: Ok, saya setuju dengan pandangan kamu semua ya. Tapi saya ingin mendengar pandangan aziati pulak. Aziati ni pendiam pulak dia yer. (When he said this, I swear I could see all my group members were trying their best to contain themselves. Knowing me, they know the last description that people would label me is 'pendiam') So apa pandangan aziati? Mana yang lebih penting?

A: (Chuckle bits..alamak soalan maut plak dier kasi kt aku) Erm, antara agama dan negara, bagi saya yang lebih penting ialah agama. Agama merupakan satu pegangan yang dapat membentuk pemikiran dan peribadi. Secara ringkasnya, agama saya, Islam, mengajar saya untuk mencintai negara. Ada hadis yang menyatakan 'hubbul watani minal iman' yang bermaksud 'mencintai negara itu sebahagian daripada iman' . Jadi, kerana saya yakin dengan ajaran Islam, saya secara tidak langsung, turut mencintai negara saya. (ok, i knew it was more than 5 mins already)

N: Maksud aziati, kalo kena memilih, aziati akan pilih agama dahulu,bukan negara?

A: yer..cmtu la

N: Ok, cuba aziati fikir, tanpa sebuah negara, dapat tak aziati amalkan ajaran Islam? Dapat tak Islam itu berkembang?

A: Kenapa tidak?

N: Cuba aziati lihat banyak je negara- negara yang ditindas tidak dapat mengamalkan ajaran Islam. Kosovo, Bosnia dan Iraq.Islam kat situ pun tak berkembang langsung. Orang sibuk perang, bunuh umat Islam. Sedangkan Rasulullah S.A.W pun perlu berhijarah ke Madinah untuk mengembangkan Islam. Nampak tak negara yang lebih penting? So, setuju atau tidak jika saya katakan negara lebih penting daripada agama...walaupun kedua-duanya penting.

diam...pada waktu ni all eyes were fixed at me. Deep down inside, I knew some of us disagree, but they remained silence. Even the two people whom I really hoped to help me wont say anything. They were muted. Speechless? I dont know. Afraid that whatever they said might fail them for the BTN? Perhaps so.

A: Maaf tuan, saya kurang bersetuju. Saya tetap rasa agama lebih penting. Jika kita lihat kembali sejarah Islam, ketika Rasulullah berdakwah secara sembunyi di Mekah, umat Islam masih boleh mengamalkan ajaran Islam, walau tidak sepenuhnya dan kesannya, kita dapat lihat bagaimana ajaran Islam itu berkembang sehingga ke Madinah. Perkembangan inilah yang merintis jalan kepada penubuhan negara Islam yang pertama iaitu Madinah. Kerana akidah yang kuat, umat Islam dapat membentuk sebuah negara dan seterusnya mempertahankan dan memakmurkan negara tersebut daripada pelbagai ancaman. Jadi di sini, walaupun tanpa sebuah negara, umat Islam masih dapat mengamalkan ajaran Islam dan Islam terus berkembang walaupun tidak sepesat jika kita memiliki sebuah negara yang aman. Bagi saya, memiliki sebuah negara yang merdeka merupakan satu bonus. Memang benar, di beberapa buah negara yang dilanda peperangan, umat Islam tidak bebas dan ditindas, tapi adakah mereka tidak dapat langsung mengamalkan Islam? Saya rasa tidak. Islam merangkumi semua tatacara hidup. Jadi saya tetap merasakan agama lebih penting dari negara. (of course, i exceeded 5 mins again!)

There I have said it. Loud and clear. I could see that my facilitator was not happy at all with my answers. He even gave me 5 mins to rethink about my decision and yet, I chose to stay with my beliefs. Others might not want to express their disagreement but I thought (and still think) that I have to reveal the truth. Especially, when there were non Muslim amongst the audience. Up to this point, I still uncertain whether my action to speak up my mind is right or not. I remembered one of the Imam Hassan Al-Bana's advices that we muslim should not dispute about our religion and it is wiser to avoid any debate regarding 'furuk (remeh temeh) matters. I know I might fail my BTN and of course, it would be difficult for me to get 'pengesahan jawatan' soon but do I regret it? No, not at all. How about you readers? Would you choose to speak up if u were me? Would you jump at the second chance that he gave you and change your mind about what you said? Something that you want to ponder about. Pen-off.

~aFTer a WhILe..~

2008-11-15T19:14:00.002+08:00

I really miss my blog!

So much things are happening and unfortunately, I had no chance to pour them on my blog. Had to attend the pesta pantun and few other courses including the scary, notorious BTN ( i might have to repeat my BTN though!). well, as the saying goes 'Berkhidmat untuk negara'. hehehe. So, for this entry i love to share some snapshots of what had happened to me in two significant events, namely the pesta pantun and the BTN. Snapshots would do la ek...coz byk sgt plak nnt..sume pn akan jd bosan.

Pesta Pantun.
1. I had gone a lot of difficulties revealing my real age. Most of the contestants and even the lecturers wont believe me when I said I am 23 years old, not 19 as most of them thought so.
2. Most of them wont believe me when I said that that was the first time I ever berpantun again after my form five. Cause I can use the words 'marhain' 'adiwangsa' 'kirana' and so on..which sadly to say, most of the people do not know its meaning. Come on, Malays..learn your language!!
3. Since i kept using the archive language, some of the judges, sadly from IBMM thought i made up those words..tsk tsk tsk. Ade ke patut?
4. Had to face the harsh of the competition whereby people sabotage you for the sake of winning. Better not to write it here. It was so unethical,horrible, immature and unprofessional. I was so sad to witness and experience them myself...and they still claimed themselves as lecturers and future teachers? Ha, dont make me laugh people!!
5. Some of the judges didnt even know that all the pemantun are allowed to walk while delivering their pantun. The chief judge even said it is 'gaya yang keterlaluan' Da~ reti ke tidak peraturan?

Encounter 1
A : Eh awk ni pemantun kisas kan? Yang dulu wakil RTM dengan RTB? Saya tengok awk berpantun tu pun saya dah perasan.
B: (terkejut) Er..yup. Macam mana encik tahu?
A: Ala, saya ingat la awak. Suara awak tu pun saya boleh cam. Lagipun bukan selalu tengok peserta terjatuh atas pentas. *Smirking*
B: (Ches!!!bengong!!) Hehehe..betul2. Jadi, menjadi jugak la yer gimik saya dulu. Sampai sekarang orang igt.*Blushing*

Encounter 2
Aziati : Eh laily, cube ko tgk abg yg kt bwh tu..aku rasa cm pernah tengok jek dier..tapi tak igt la.
Sape ek? Abg KPLI ke? Ke senior kite?
Laily : Wei Aziati, ko buat lawak ke hape ni? Tu Elly Iskandar la.
Aziati : Padan la cm pernah tengok!!
I bet Elly Iskandar heard us cause he was trying hard not to laugh out loud and cynically said
"Kat rumah xde tv ke dik?" Uiks, pedas tuh!

Alamak, cam malas pulak nak pen down what had happened in the BTN, tapi x pe la, i write them in the next entry. Inshallah. So peeps, have a nice day. Be good!!

~JusT for You.. Mum~

2008-11-04T22:52:00.004+08:00

I know she was scared. She clasped her hands tightly and her legs were shaking non-stopped. I wished I could say something, anything to soothe her and made her felt better. At this point of time, the only thing that I could do was to hug her. Her body was shaking lightly. "Sejuk" she said. An excuse that we both knew to cover the truth. She was scared, so was I. She had always trying her best to avoid coming to the doctor, but today, she was left with no other choices for she had an appointment. I glanced at her again, tried to envision my life without her. No, I couldn't. She means the world to me. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I shooed away all the negative thoughts and sighed. She, perhaps mistook my sighed as bored and suggested me to go to a cafe downstairs. I said nothing and smiled to her.
"I'm glad that you came here with me today" She whispered and broke the silence.
"I'm glad that you're my mother". I replied.
"Thank you"
I was startled. How could she thank me when she is my mother? God.
"Mane ade mak cakap terima kasih kat anak. Anak yang selalu kene cakap terima kasih kat mak. Mak ni..nk buat drama swasta plak" I joked.
She looked at me and smiled. God, it took every ounce of my courage to hold back my tears. Who would imagine that one day I received a call and being informed that my mum was warded. She had never been hospitalized before (apart from giving birth to all her six children of course!). I rushed back home as soon as I could, just to make sure that I was there by her side, and there I was for the past few days. God, please let her to be all right. I love her and will always love her. She is the most special lady in my life. Life without her, is just like a rainbow without its colours. I missed her already. I wished I am still in Kuantan. Pen-off.

~SIrIH sUdaH PuLaNg KeGaGanG~

2008-10-24T12:50:00.004+08:00

Sirih sudah pulang ke gangang
aziati aziz membuka gelanggang....

The last time i had really involved and recited my pantun was back when i was in form five. God, i've almost forgotten the nerve wrecking feeling of coming out with a reply in less than one minute, the demure and the air that a pemantun possessed and the beauty of the words arranged in delievering your intentions...how i missed them all. Anyway, i am given another opportunity to experience them again next week, inshallah. Yes, im going to represent IPBA next week in a pesta pantun entitled Sirih Berlipat Pinang Berkacip. I hope i wont embarrassed myself and my other teammates in front of the crowd. My skills are very rusty now, so does my vocabulary, given the 5 years not berpantun with anyone. Hm.. there were so much to revise and to improve in a short time. Im nervously excited! Pen-off.

~InTerLudE~

2008-10-22T23:01:00.002+08:00

My poor blog, I have neglected you. I'm afraid time is a luxury which I don't have at the moment. To keep you readers happy, I have here a cop-out entry : the song that is playing in my head at the moment ever since i drove to my brother's house last week .

Bila Terasa Rindu (Dafi)

Apa agaknya khabarmu disana
Disiniku sedang dibelenggu rindu
Beginikah rasa siksa perpisahan

Sungguh anehnya hidup berasingan
Hati merasa bagai tertinggal disitu
Meskipun ku puja jauh beribu batu
Sesaat seperti setahun lamanya
Semasa kau tiada apa yang terdaya

Bila terasa rindu
Kusebut namamu
Dengan harapan
Kaukan muncul dalam tidur

Bila terasa rindu kubayang wajahmu
Dalam angan dan baru daku terasa bagai disembuh

ooo jauh sekali hidup disini berbeza
Beribu kali lagi kuselesa disana
Tak sabar menanti detik kepulangan
Namum hingga itu apa yang termampu

Terlintas di fikiran
Untuk meminggirkan saja semua pencarian disini
Tetapi ini sebahagian dari pengorbanan
Bekalan andainya hari sukar mencabar .. oooooo

Too much? A bit..i guess. but chill, just dont infused your thought with the notion that i'm in love with someone okay cause it's so not true afterall. Well.. at least, not yet at the moment. Actually this song reminds me a lot about Auckland. You know how music can bring you to a certain place ? This song delievers a perfect refelction of my feeling at the moment. I miss Auckland.

I remember Auckland not as a physical entity, but as a landscape of emotions. The truth is I find it hard to recall the names of places and streets and where they would be charted on any map that your hands can lay on to. But trust me, I do remember the first time I set my foot over there, and the following days, months and year: all the struggle, the pain, the laughter, the tears,the happiness, the heartbroken episodes...God, I could still envision myself over there, how strong i used to be and how fragile i was at times. I love to return to Auckland one day, but not in the near future. Once there, i cant wait to retrace my steps and see how far i've come. Pen-off.

~YaNG TerInDaH~

2008-10-18T07:19:00.002+08:00

aku pasrah
aku mengalah
tiada lagi resah
tiada lagi lelah
ketentuan-Mu ya ALLAH
adalah anugerah yang terindah
dan aku hanyalah
seorang hamba yang lemah

~FoR oNe MoRe DaY~

2008-10-17T23:12:00.003+08:00

Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

If you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And even if you did, would you be big enough to stand it? Cherish those around you and never once take them for granted. You would never know when they would leave you or perhaps...when you are going to leave them. Pen-off.

~I dont know why~

2008-10-15T20:54:00.003+08:00

despite what had and have happened...
con ogni respiro che prendo...
i pray for you. Pen-off.

~FLasH BacK anD FasT ForWaRd~

2008-10-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

Too many things are happening these days that sometimes I hardly notice everything that revolves around me. Of course, I have done my best to be more sensitive with my surrounding, but at times, I failed to stay alert on few important deets. It is a wonder how time flies these days. Between the present and the past, the past and the future, there are always some memories that come back to life. Life can be very rewarding and punishing me at the same time. While I am trying to live life the fullest and breath in every single moment of it, I still hate it when life is playing me. Astaghfirullah. I shouldnt say that, should I?Surely ALLAH knows best and we humans, know not. Pen-off.

~yeAh...whaTever~

2008-10-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

i wish people could be more concern about the value of their apologies. Bear that in mind that when you apologise to someone by mouthing the magic word 'sorry' please do not take it lightly. Dont just simply mouth your 'sorry' without any intention not to repeat whatever you are sorry for again. You wronged people (or perhaps ruined them?) and isnt the least that you could do to remedy the damage is by apologising and really mean it with all your heart? And please, dont forget to reflect on whatever that you have done. Muhasabah sikit ok. Kita semua akan dipertanggunjawabkan dengan semua amalan kita, baik atau buruk di akhirat kelak. Bear that in mind. Another thing that needs to be highlighted here is when you do something that your know would irk or humiliate someone and you know beforehand that that particular person/ people do not like whatever you are doing. God, i found this action is totally imprudent and unacceptable. Need me to illustrate it further? sorry, i'm not in a mood for any elaboration and very much mortified with certain people who think that mouthing their cheap 'sorry' alone would bring everything back to normal. Oh please! Dey, put some senses in your mind, and dont be so selfish and insensitve. Dont ruin people trust upon you cause you might earn it back. Whatever happens on the sense of respecting others that was infused in you when you are younger? *sigh* Pen-off.

~WheN We wEre sTucK iN The HigHwaY~

2008-10-06T18:21:00.000+08:00

It was an older post actually.With the Internet connection that is so slow and my schedule that was ridiculously packed lately I couldnt post this entry earlier.

I was stuck on the highway for about nine hours last night. Usually the journey from Kuantan-KL will only take about 31/2 hours (or 2++ when my bros are driving). Nine hours being immobile on the highway was quite torturing. There were too many cars either on the road or by the roadside. All the R&R along the highway was packed and all the gas station were closed as they were running out of fuel. Can you imagine how crazy and chaotic it was last nite?Initially, I was planning to skip the Monday session of my post practicum briefing but due to several reasons, i had to forget my former intention. As a result, I had to ditch abe's car together with nuyu and muabarak (oh, he asked me to call him Amad now) and had my first time experience ever of being stuck in the highway. I used to be quite closed with abe and amad when I was small but as we grow more matured (trying to avoid the word OLDer here.. hahaha) the bond i somehow become loose and finally we ended up not talking to one another at all. Of course I still chat with Nuyu for she is female though. I dont know why, perhaps because all of us has grown to be more shy and reserved? No? Back to the former issue what did we do to kill our time and boredom on the highway? Can you guess?

1. Strengthen the bond. We kept on chatting and updates about one another.
2. Reminiscence the old memories. God, they still remember how boyish and fierce I was back then. Mandi sungai, tangkap ikan or etot2*. How i burned their tee while playing the firecrackers and threw some of the crackers on the top of my tok's roof. I was reprimanded for that of course but i could not believe that abe still remembers that. Well, i did try to hide myself while they were talking about me. I swear I could feel that face was getting very hot! HAHHAA...
3. Exchanging ideas on some serious issues that concern our country.
4. Breath in the open air because we had to roll down the mirror for fear we might be the next car yang tersadai kat tepi highway. It was a cold night anyway and I for sure could endure the journey without the aircond.
5. Amad was flirting with the tol girl and asking for a discount since the highway was jammed. Highway isnt supposed to be jammed right?. Hahahah...she was cute anyway. The road was sooooo congested that we could not move further even after paying manually the tol. Same thing happened for the SMART Tag and TnG users. They can just touch the card but not going further.*smirking*
6. Enduring Amad and abe's live performance which at times could be very hilarious.
7. Examining other road users. Some even had a chat with the drivers of the the next car. Memang suasana hari raya btol. Hahaha
8. Trying hard to persuade abe, amad and nuyu that i am still single and do not have any sort of relationship with any guy. I cant understand why they couldnt believe me.
9. Menghabiskan stok2 makanan dalam kereta.
10. Play some tricks and riddles. Kadang2 tu memang ntahape2 but we laughed a lot jgk. Even abe who was driving warned us not to laugh much for fear we might want to go to the toilet.
11. Exchanging some ghost stories
12. Some tazkirah
13. Yawning over and over again.

Apart from the Genting Sempah stop, we really have no intention to pull over for a while. It was late and both abe and amad need to go for work tomorrow morning while me and nuyu attending our lectures and course. I had fun anyway. It was tiring of course but for sure the excitement worth it. So, hows your eid peeps? Pen-off.

*some sort of clams, i dont know what you call in neither in standard Malay or English..only can be found in Pulau Rusa river though i doubt the etot2 are still there. The river was badly polluted now. =(

~saTu pErMuLaAN~

2008-10-02T10:13:00.000+08:00

satu ketentuan
satu jawapan
satu pengkahiran
dalam sebuah pencarian
Tuhan
berikan aku kekuatan
dalam sebuah keredhaan
untuk memulakan satu perjalanan
bagiku...ianya satu permulaan

alhamdulillah....

~EmpTyNeSs~

2008-10-02T10:00:00.000+08:00

A life of flotsam and jetsam. I'm being washed back to shore, but my ship's sailed away. We had some scars that remind us not to wound ourselves any further. Maybe it was for the best after all. There were times when i succumbed to the pressure of life and cried my heart out. There were times when i really missed all the good times. Dear God, this is a time when courage is a rare commodity. I barely made my next step and almost see my strength shattered before my eyes. It hurts and it cuts me deeper that i could ever imagined. Dear God, lend me some courage for i am at my weakest point of life.

~TiS Eid..PaRT 2~

2008-10-02T09:32:00.000+08:00

Here are some trivia of what had happened during eid.

1. cooked rendang for the very first time for my family and friends
2. recite some surah for those who have left me, for shah especially
3. had nasi minyak at cik pah's house
4. entertaining guests
5. get to know more about my neighbours which was quite an impossible mission at first since most of them packed my house at the same time. God, i just realised that there are only 4 Malay houses in my housing area...including ours! p/s: thanks to my students, i can now pronounce the Chinese names correctly!
6. attended shikin's open house
7. replying the non-stopped SMSes which my dad mistakenly thought they were from my bf.
8. snapped heaps of photos. with aiman and aizat are in the house, one could never guessed what is the zany thing that they would do next. the photos are funny and nice though!
9.off to bed early.

i know it sounds kinda dull and boring, which, no matter i am not willing to admit it, it was the former indeed. Ayah said we are going to have our Eid in Kuantan starting this year. I miss the eid that we used to had when i was small, be it in Terengganu or Perak. Should buy some firecrackers earlier. *Sad*

~TiS Eid..PaRT 1~

2008-09-30T08:26:00.000+08:00

After a couple of years celebrating eid overseas, of course, i am looking forward for this eid to come, Finally, i have a chance to celebrate it with my family...plus with our new additional members, abg adam and kak yana (welcome to the family ya). So, along with the preparation for eid, in the spirit of making it a blast one this year, me, my brothers, aiman and aizat and my lil sis arifah (ok, not so little la, she's 17) went out to do last minute shopping for the event. Aiman and Aizat were looking for their songkok (i insist on them to get one, since i havent seen them wearing it for like forever!), of course, with me sponsoring my money for their songkok (see, what a guddy sis i am..hehehe). While they were scouting here and there for their songkok, arifah dragged me to some shops, buying her new tudung, facial wash, sandals...bla bla bla..of course, with my money too!! hahahaa....i tell you, these bros and sis of mine are good in 'pau'ing my money. Dont get me wrong though, i enjoy having them 'pau'ing my money. Seriously i do. Anyway, back to the shopping thing, after arifah and me had done with her stuff, we went looking for our bros, only to find out that they havent bought any songkok yet.

Me : Lorh, kata nk beli songkok, mane nye?
Aizat : Xde saiz la
Me : Biar betik kamu, tu byk jek eti tgk.
Aizat : Saiz aku xde, aku nye 23.
Aiman: kepala aizat besar..hahahah
Me: Btol la..tu la kecik2 dlu besar sangat kepala..skrg dh ssh nk cr songkok..*laughing out loud*
so camne ni?
Aizat : Try cr lagi esok. Aku kne pakai songkok yang tinggi sket.
Me : Asal plak
Aizat : Sbb aku kepala besar
Me : Besar kepala la..hahahaha

Anyway, i learned about the songkok a lot today, the sizes, the shapes, the velvet, quality and so on..things that i had never bothered before. By the way, who ever thought that the price of a songkok is very expensive? huhuhuh~ *gazing at my purse* Nevermind, i really want to see them with songkok on hari raya..they worth more than all the money that i own. Hope we will be in a better luck for the songkok hunting tomorrow. Pen-off.

~In ThE NeeD of HuGs~

2008-09-27T21:37:00.001+08:00

i hate it when you are always right and i am always wrong
i know i wasnt being fair to myself
i admit that it was a stupid mistake
i kept telling myself that i shouldnt do that
i know now
i learned my lesson
it hurts
it cuts
im bleeding
but for once, dont say "ive told you so"
i just cant accept it...not now..maybe later..
i just need some hugs...

~ThEir sOnG~

2008-09-26T08:28:00.002+08:00

last day with 2 Browser

they made a surprise party for me... (minus the food of course!)

they sang all my favourite songs...

and chose to dedicate this song to me..."when you look me in the eye"

God, i cried heaps these days...

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms
I know that it's forever
I just gotta let you know
I never wanna let you go

Cause when you look me in the eyes.

God...thank you for letting them be my the students...they're my treasure...alhamdulillah

~saTu HarI dI bILiK gUru 2~

2008-09-25T22:55:00.000+08:00

i was marking my students' essay for the very last time before i leave when suddenly came a teacher out of nowhere and tapped my shoulder.

cikgu: ai..buat ape tuh?
me : tanda essay bdk2
cikgu : [peeking at the book] hisy..buruknye tulisan. buku sape ni? kalo akak...dh pening dh.. takmo tanda terus.
me: [smiling] oh..ni buku ********. Essay dier bagus, saya suke bace essay dier..best
cikgu : huh? bdk ******* tu ke? bdk tu bkn bagus sgt. bermasalah. hari tu dier masuk BBI sbb.....(okay, i cant really tell you readers what had he done)
me: biasa la kak..bdk2 kdg2 ni mmg buat silap. nk try semua bende.sy pn dlu mcm tu jgk.
cikgu: mmg la org lain buat silap. tp x teruk mcm dier. dh la tu ader masalah lain. mcm mane ntah boleh masuk kelas pandai macam tu. tgk tulisan pun dh...ei...
me: [annoyed]. ala..tulisan doktor pn bkn cantik sangat. ni bakal doktor la ni. inshallah [trying hard to smile].
cikgu: ade harapan ke bdk cm2? x nampak gaya langsung. doktor cucuk sendiri kot..*smirking*
me: erk...knp akak ckp xde? akak pn ajar kelas tu jgkke?
cikgu: [taken aback] eh..xde la...tp dier tu akak knal..sume cikgu knal..sbb perangai dier tuh...
me: owh...sy pn knal dier jgk...tp sy seronok ajar dier..sbb dier ader harapan..dier pandai..sy dulu pn teruk jgk..asyik masuk bilik disiplin jek..
cikgu: [memerli] owh..sbb tu la jd cikgu je kn?
me: (eh bkn dier pn cikgu jgk ke?) hm..xde la, sbb tak ramai cikgu2 saya yang percaya saya boleh berjaya. cakap sy macm2...sbb tu sy jd cikgu..sy nk bagi peluang kepada semua org secara adil.
cikgu: ala..masa praktikum ni semangat la..lepas2 tu...hm...ye la...calon praktikum cemerlang kn?

and then she left...God, i really felt like talking back to her..but of course, she does not worth it.
well readers, perhaps she's right. i cant promise myself or anyone that i would still love doing whatever i am doing right now for tomorrows, let alone for the next ten years, but whatever it is,i do hope my passion would never nourish by time. just take a look at these students. each and every one of them has great potential within themselves. they might act stupidly at times, being rude, outsmart you, challenge your, but for God sake, they are still learning about life! *sigh* whatever the other teachers might say...i still love them..each and everyone of them..no exceptional...i learn to accept them they way they are. God, does it really hard to just give a person some good chances? Think about it peeps. Pen-off

~The ArT of LosInG~

2008-09-25T07:59:00.000+08:00

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.


---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

~RaMaDhaN~

2008-09-21T20:20:00.001+08:00

the eid songs are everywhere...on the radio, telly, malls...
i just hope that i have a longer Ramadhan..
feel like i havent fully utilized this Ramadhan to my very best..
gosh..i just hate those eid songs!

~The sTaTe Of BeIng A TeAcHer..~

2008-09-18T08:12:00.000+08:00

dont get me wrong. i'm not here to complain. in fact, i'm glad that after eleven weeks of my practicum, i still find myself love doing whatever i am doing now. my passion towards the teaching profession is not fading at all and i hope it grows time by time. however, back to the reality, being a teacher in this ICT era can be quite scary as the kids these day are very computer savvy. they are utilizing fully the privilege of having the internet to help them finding a vast information about almost everything and some even use it to check on their teachers' profile and so on. so far i have about 25 students of mine checking on my friendster profile (yes peeps, i did the counting and still i do ) and the number proliferates everyday. nevermind, in return, i had quite an amusing time lurking around their friendster profile too *smirking*. Sorry kids, since my profile is restricted to my first degree of friends only, i think you have to wait another one week before you could have the pleasure (or perhaps some zany time?) to laugh at my profile. just in case you might miss this fact, your teacher is quite a melancholic person and my profile speaks it loud. well, of course, i cant afford to be one in school.

p/s: despite of everything...i still love you all...my dearest students. each and every one of you!

~JusT rEmEmBeR..~

2008-09-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

to those who are sad over something...
just remember...

"behind every cloud...there is always be the sun. Just wait for your sun to shine..and keep on praying..never give up"

and remember what is stated in our Holy Quran...

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which
quran.glorius: we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us" (Al -Baqarah : 286)

Good Luck everyone. Pen-off

~sToP!...It's a FasTiNg MonTh~

2008-09-15T09:24:00.000+08:00

One of the beauties of Ramdhan is that we teach ourselves to be a better person and restrain ourselves from doing something bad (though sometimes it takes every ounce of courage that you have). Here are fews incidents:

(1) Banging the doors to waking up your 'sleeping beauty' friends for sahur. Unfortunately their ears would process the call differently and what they usually heard was your lullabies or you saying 'xpe..lmbt lg nk azan subuh". Then right after the azan they would quickly woke up and asked you in frustration "woit..nape x kejut aku sahur?". Should you kick the door until it collapse next time? Nope, x boley...bulan pose kne sabar byk2.

(2) Along with the frenzied traffic, in spirit of the fasting month, you do try to refrain your mouth from spewing out curses at other road users....im still trying though..that's why i dont usually drive those who are not that close to me, in case they might have a heart attack later.

(3) When you in school and you asked your students to do their work and they replied you with"teacher, im so exhausted..im fasting today..teacher x pe la, since you're not fasting" or asked you with "teacher, are you fasting? nampak cm segar jek? teacher minum air kt toilet ek?" or "teacher, there's something at your back!" and when you quickly turned to see if there were any unwanted "spot" at your back, they would mouth the irking "gotcha!".

So, since you have made your resolutions to be a better muslim starting from this Ramadhan..all you can do is having EXTRA patience. Good Luck peeps. Happy fasting. May this Ramadhan be the best so far.

~If I...~

2008-09-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

if i ask you to let it go,
would you still hold on to it?
if i ask you to leave,
would you stay?
if i ask you to forget,
would you still want to remember?
if i lost my way,
would you ever come to guide me?

~OWH NO!!!~

2008-09-09T07:39:00.000+08:00

Read: The title for this entry is printed with capital letters just to highlight the effect of the story.

Just when i thought things were smooth sailing for me (well, for the past few weeks they were) the tempo has started to change. Starting from last Sunday everything has started to turn the other way around. Me and my old buddy, Radhiah had decided to go for iftar together and later had our terawih in Bangsar Mosque (since both of us were craving for sight seeing Bangsar at night). Since it was quite late and i was too tired to drive her back to Shah Alam, we decided that it was wise for her to ditch in my room in IPBA, afterall, none of my roomates was in anyway. She wanted to use the Internet and i was not, so there she was, having her happy times with my laptop. Suddenly, she was screaming out loud when she browse through her loved one's friendster, which was quite surprising though since she's very well known for her 'lemah-lembut'ness and 'sopan santun'ness. *smirking* and gave me some unexpected and the most shocking news ever of something ( or rather someone?). Well, not that I really care about it, but it just well, i dont know, i think i am verbally impaired by now to describe it. Quoted form Koyee.."well if you dont really care, why you're so bothered about it?" So, do i actually care about it? Well, i really dont know but somehow i was troubled and kinda dejected with the news.

The next day, i had my practicum observation. I had everything prepared since last Friday as i aimed for the 'high satisfactory' mark. During the last observation, Dr Prema (my supervisor) told me that she really wanted to award me with the high satisfactory mark but it was agreed during the meeting that there shouldnt be any high satisfactory mark during the first observation as they fear the partners overseas might question them (the supervisors) and question the reliability and validity of the overall observations. Unfortunately, i had three relief slips on my table, the last slip required me to go for relief class until 4pm. So, i thought, i still have 25 minutes to prepare myself before the observation. I rushed to the prayer hall to perform my Asar prayer and ran to the Pusat Bahasa(yes, you read it right..i actually RAN). As i reached Pusat Bahasa, to my dismay, one of the teachers in the school decided to use the Pusat Bahasa before my period, which denied me to have any privilege to prepare earlier for my lesson (like setting up my laptop, re-check my materials etc..you know it la). How could she do that to me? I ve booked the room already! I knocked and told her that i had already made my reservation and she said since my period was not yet started, so she needed to use the room. I patiently explained that i need to set up my laptop, speaker and LCD projector, which might take some time and my lecturer is coming to observe me today and she coldly replied "you can do it during your period". God! i really felt like kicking her or knocking her down with my bare hands at that time. Before i went out, i had a glance of what the students did. They were just answering some questions in the textbook, which, in my opinion, could be done in their respective classroom. Then, the teacher and the students went out late from the Pusat Bahasa (i actually had to knock the door and informed the teacher that her time was up). Before me and my students could enter the room, my lecturer came. What a great timing! *sigh*. There were some technical defaults and i had to spend more time to set up everything and already felt discourage to continue the lesson. While setting up the thing, i gave my students some quizzes and to add on my frustration, my 2 Browser students suddenly decided to have some capricious moments of their life on the same day of my observation. I really wanted to scream out loud. Then, i just continued with my lesson. Guess what is written in my observation comments? Well, i leave you readers with your own predictions. Pen- off.

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. " (Al Baqarah: 216)

p/s: I really dont know what to expect today, tomorrow or days ahead. I need hugs!

~SoMe MoNoLoguEs~

2008-09-04T06:20:00.000+08:00

looked at the calendar

3rd of September, 2008. 6.27am

only 23 days left for my practicum.

startle.sad.

God, i used to loathe them at first

yet, i've grown to love them. *sigh*

love afterall is often calamitous feeling to me

surely im gonna miss em heaps and heaps and heaps

coz now, ive already missed them! cant wait to go to school!

~cINTa~

2008-08-27T10:48:00.000+08:00

mencintai tak semestinya memiliki
namun mencintai
tidak seharusnya menyakiti
kau tak akan bisa mengerti
selagi tidak kau cuba untuk memahami...

and when i choose to try rather than to cry
i choose to be strong even when things go wrong

~DoaKu uNTuK KaLi iNi~

2008-08-25T21:19:00.000+08:00

bilamana ku tak lagi bisa menjadi kuat
menahan dugaan yang semakin berat
maka ya ALLAH
jadikanlah aku setabah Sumayyah
yang sabar walau nyawanya dicabar
jadikan kasihku seindah Khadijah
menganyam kasih hanya untuk insan terpilih
jadikan hujahku sehalus Aisyah
ketajaman akal yang tak pernah disangkal
jadikan amalku setulus Fatimah
yang tegar beribadah walau payah
kejutkanku dari lena yang panjang
agarku tak lalai dari berjuang
takkan ada keagungan cinta
melainkan dari milik-Mu yang Maha Esa

~To SpEaK uP or To sHuT uP~

2008-08-22T18:35:00.000+08:00

I dont totally agree with people who choose to remain silence when they know some truths but choose not to mouth them loud. It is soooo....intolerable and wrong! I have seen it before, over and over again, which made me sick and tired of it. Why must people be so selfish and let others suffer the consequences of them being silence? Why must you be scared to let others know the truth? You made a mistake and arent you supposed to try to fix things up again? People might blame you for once but they would be more than happy if you could just admit your mistake rather than letting them put the blames on some other innocent people. *sigh* You dont have to pretend you know, people would eventually learn the truth later...inshallah.

I know, ignorance is a bliss doesnt our prophet have advised us to speak the truth even if it is not pleasant at all? And today, the dogma reoccurred. The same game was put on play and as usual, those who knew the truth, for only-God-knows why, just veiled the truth from being exposed and not even tried to lessen the misunderstanding that had taken place. Although, it was not my story to tell, i plucked the courage to spit out the truth right onto their face. Called me busy body or "kepoh". I dont care at all. Your words does little to ruffle my feathers. As long as the truth was unveiled to those who were involved i can always walk with my head up. Any regret? not at all. "Bercakap benarlah walaupun pahit". Well, not everybody have the courage to do it, but somebody, for sure, HAVE to do it. Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~HIduP iNi...SaNgaT sINgKaT~

2008-08-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

I was lazying in my room when suddenly my mobile rang. The caller was koyee

koyee : Assalamualaikum aziati, sorry kaco ko.
me : [asal baik pulak nada mamat ni malam ni] wslm, nape ye?
koyee : takde pape, saje jek. ingat adik aku aisyah?
me : mesti r ingat. takkan la aku leh lupa adik ko yang comel tu. btw, aku dh beli dh present utk adik ko. besday dier next week kn? ko nak ajak aku datang besday party dier ke?
koyee : inshallah aku memang nak ajak ko datang umah aku next week. ade makan2 sikit. tapi bukan besday la. kenduri arwah.
me : huh? ape ni koyee. aku x rasa kelakar pon [mula rasa tak sedap hati]
koyee : aziati, aisyah dah takde. She passed away two days ago. accident. abang aku pon tengah
koma sekarang. ko doa-doakan la ek. [silence] Sorry aku tak bagi tau awal2. bende ni
memang mengejut.

I barely listen to what he said next. Tuhan, Aisyah yang sangat aku sayang. Aisyah yang akan selalu ketawa dan berlari kepadaku setiap kali aku datang melawat Auntie Ros bersama Kay (koyee's wife). Aisyah yang becok bercerita itu ini padakku, yang selalu menunjukkan lukisan di tadikanya, yang selalu memujukku untuk membawanya ke playground sebab tak ada orang nak teman dier. Aisyah the who kept on insisting me to read her some prophet's stories. Aisyah, the one who kept telling me that she wanted to be a teacher just like me when she grows up. Aisyah who kept making us laugh and smiled eventhough we had a very hard day. God, i really hate using the past tense to describe her. Dear God, please, i am not strong enough as i used to be. Life is punishing me and I barely able to stand at all. Tuhan, besarnya ujianMu untukku...namun disebalik segalanya, kutetap panjatkan syukurku untuk-Mu. KAU membuatkanku sedar, hidup ini...sangat singkat. Maka ya ALLAH, untuk setiap nafas yang tersisa...alhamdulillah..jadikanlah hari esok lebih baik dari hari ini ya ALLAH.

~PeNaT bILa BuaT BaIk?~

2008-08-09T06:52:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum....

For my second entry, i love to quote some verses from our Holy Quran

"So remain on the right course as you have been commanded, [you] and those who have turned back with you [ to ALLAH], and do not transgress. Indeed, HE is Seeing of what you doing"
(Hud : 112)

Need some more? If you check this verse in Quran and recite further, inshallah you'll come accross this verse

"And be patient, for indeed ALLAH does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good"
(Hud : 115)

Ok, why do i qoute these two verses today? Ni nak citer la ni. Macam ni, pernah tak korang rasa penat buat baik kat orang, tapi those people in return, keep doing something bad to you? Have you ever felt frustrated because although you keep doing good deeds, the bad things or unpleasant incidents keep hunting you? You were lost and couldnt find any way out. You feel depressed and wanna give up. You can't breath, cant sleep well and cant think well? Rasa cm pernah alami tak?

Kenapa yer bila kita buat baik kat orang, kita selalu berharap agar orang tu akan buat baik pada kita jugak? Kita ni buat baik kat orang sebab kita nak keredhaan manusia atau keredhaan Yang Maha Esa? [ouch!] Ok, hari ni kita check balik diri kita, niat kite, kalo tersalah niat, cepat2 la betulkan niat supaya kita tak menyesal kelak.

Masa praktikum ni, so many things had happened to me. I remembered Jaime told me " mula- mula aku ingat masalah aku la yang paling besar, tapi bila tengok engkau, aku rasa insaf". Her words had successfully slammed me back into reality. Bila mana ALLAH uji kita, kalo peringatan tu tak dapat kat kita, harap2 orang lain dapat la belajar dari kita. Life is a constant lesson. I remembered asking myself "kenapa ALLAH uji aku sampai macam ni sekali? kenapa tak uji orang lain jugak macam ni? kenapa aku kena buat baik kat diaorang tu padahal diaorang buat macam2 kat aku?" and in my prayers "Ya ALLAH, i really cant handle them,cant take it anymore, please give me some lights and way out". Bile fikir-fikir balik rasa malu sangat. Bukankah ALLAH tidak akan menguji seseorang melainkan perkara yg mereka mampu untuk menghadapinya? Pardon me ALLAH. Make me a better Muslimah.

So, kesimpulannya, buat baiklah kepada orang without expecting any reward from those people, unless from ALLAH. Check back those two verses earlier. ALLAH, inshallah, tidak akan meyia-nyiakan setiap kebaikan yang kita lakukan. Bersabarlah, kerana sabar itu cantik. Syurga itu mahal harganya. Check balik niat kita. Kenapa mesti rasa penat bila buat baik? May ALLAH bless us all.

~CuRTaINs Up~

2008-08-08T06:46:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum...

There would be times in life when we have to give in to others. At last, I succumbed to my dear cousin's request. I fail to uphold my headstrong side of not opening another blog apart from the one i have in friendster . Either i fail at life or she can be VERY persuasive. Leaving with these two choices, i rather choose the second one *smirking* So here i am, writing (or typing) something for my real first entry ever. Mind you readers, I have nothing to do with the rossa's lyrics which had been welcoming you for the past several days nor do i with the layouts and so on. As quoted from her " i made one for you anyway, just post something and i take care of the rest" Huhuhu~ Life, sometimes can be so convenienced. So since my cousin had gone through a great length of troubles to set up my new blog, i intended to keep the first post and the layouts, perhaps as a token of appreciation to her (well..i might change the layouts bits later on). I love the rossa's song anyway. I remembered reading the novel (Ayat-ayat cinta) over and over again. So having the lyric in my blog is not a big deal afterall. Another kind reminder to you readers who happen to read this is that unlike my cousin, i am so a tech-NO-logy person, so i might take times in figuring out how to go about managing the blog. Yes, what a lame person i am. I know, you don't have to say it loud peeps. (.^_^.) Actually i dont hope to have loads of readers cause the lesser people know about it the better, another philosophy of mine. What i might post later might be something that is not beneficial to all or something that might influence others to make mistake (nauzubillah). Kelak, kita semua akan dipertanggungjawabkan dgn apa yg kita buat di dunia ini bukan? So what's the point of having a public blog anyway? Well, it is merely to kill my time, and sharpen my rusty-writing-skills. Prinsip dia senang jek. Kalo jumpe blog ni jumpe la, kalo tak jumpe, tak payah cari. So, new blog, new hopes. I DO hope you readers could gain some insights from my posts later. I thank you for reading. Happy lurking around my territory though there's nothing much yet.

~The Lyric~

2008-08-03T12:03:00.000+08:00

Rossa - Ayat Ayat Cinta

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segersang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekadar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Ku pertaruhkan

reff:
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu
Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus ku tinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Ku pertaruhkan

repeat reff

Ketika ku bersujud