~TiS Eid..PaRT 1~

After a couple of years celebrating eid overseas, of course, i am looking forward for this eid to come, Finally, i have a chance to celebrate it with my family...plus with our new additional members, abg adam and kak yana (welcome to the family ya). So, along with the preparation for eid, in the spirit of making it a blast one this year, me, my brothers, aiman and aizat and my lil sis arifah (ok, not so little la, she's 17) went out to do last minute shopping for the event. Aiman and Aizat were looking for their songkok (i insist on them to get one, since i havent seen them wearing it for like forever!), of course, with me sponsoring my money for their songkok (see, what a guddy sis i am..hehehe). While they were scouting here and there for their songkok, arifah dragged me to some shops, buying her new tudung, facial wash, sandals...bla bla bla..of course, with my money too!! hahahaa....i tell you, these bros and sis of mine are good in 'pau'ing my money. Dont get me wrong though, i enjoy having them 'pau'ing my money. Seriously i do. Anyway, back to the shopping thing, after arifah and me had done with her stuff, we went looking for our bros, only to find out that they havent bought any songkok yet.

Me : Lorh, kata nk beli songkok, mane nye?
Aizat : Xde saiz la
Me : Biar betik kamu, tu byk jek eti tgk.
Aizat : Saiz aku xde, aku nye 23.
Aiman: kepala aizat besar..hahahah
Me: Btol la..tu la kecik2 dlu besar sangat kepala..skrg dh ssh nk cr songkok..*laughing out loud*
so camne ni?
Aizat : Try cr lagi esok. Aku kne pakai songkok yang tinggi sket.
Me : Asal plak
Aizat : Sbb aku kepala besar
Me : Besar kepala la..hahahaha

Anyway, i learned about the songkok a lot today, the sizes, the shapes, the velvet, quality and so on..things that i had never bothered before. By the way, who ever thought that the price of a songkok is very expensive? huhuhuh~ *gazing at my purse* Nevermind, i really want to see them with songkok on hari raya..they worth more than all the money that i own. Hope we will be in a better luck for the songkok hunting tomorrow. Pen-off.

~In ThE NeeD of HuGs~

i hate it when you are always right and i am always wrong
i know i wasnt being fair to myself
i admit that it was a stupid mistake
i kept telling myself that i shouldnt do that
i know now
i learned my lesson
it hurts
it cuts
im bleeding
but for once, dont say "ive told you so"
i just cant accept it...not now..maybe later..
i just need some hugs...

~ThEir sOnG~

last day with 2 Browser

they made a surprise party for me... (minus the food of course!)

they sang all my favourite songs...

and chose to dedicate this song to me..."when you look me in the eye"

God, i cried heaps these days...

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms
I know that it's forever
I just gotta let you know
I never wanna let you go

Cause when you look me in the eyes.



God...thank you for letting them be my the students...they're my treasure...alhamdulillah

~saTu HarI dI bILiK gUru 2~

i was marking my students' essay for the very last time before i leave when suddenly came a teacher out of nowhere and tapped my shoulder.

cikgu: ai..buat ape tuh?
me : tanda essay bdk2
cikgu : [peeking at the book] hisy..buruknye tulisan. buku sape ni? kalo akak...dh pening dh.. takmo tanda terus.
me: [smiling] oh..ni buku ********. Essay dier bagus, saya suke bace essay dier..best
cikgu : huh? bdk ******* tu ke? bdk tu bkn bagus sgt. bermasalah. hari tu dier masuk BBI sbb.....(okay, i cant really tell you readers what had he done)
me: biasa la kak..bdk2 kdg2 ni mmg buat silap. nk try semua bende.sy pn dlu mcm tu jgk.
cikgu: mmg la org lain buat silap. tp x teruk mcm dier. dh la tu ader masalah lain. mcm mane ntah boleh masuk kelas pandai macam tu. tgk tulisan pun dh...ei...
me: [annoyed]. ala..tulisan doktor pn bkn cantik sangat. ni bakal doktor la ni. inshallah [trying hard to smile].
cikgu: ade harapan ke bdk cm2? x nampak gaya langsung. doktor cucuk sendiri kot..*smirking*
me: erk...knp akak ckp xde? akak pn ajar kelas tu jgkke?
cikgu: [taken aback] eh..xde la...tp dier tu akak knal..sume cikgu knal..sbb perangai dier tuh...
me: owh...sy pn knal dier jgk...tp sy seronok ajar dier..sbb dier ader harapan..dier pandai..sy dulu pn teruk jgk..asyik masuk bilik disiplin jek..
cikgu: [memerli] owh..sbb tu la jd cikgu je kn?
me: (eh bkn dier pn cikgu jgk ke?) hm..xde la, sbb tak ramai cikgu2 saya yang percaya saya boleh berjaya. cakap sy macm2...sbb tu sy jd cikgu..sy nk bagi peluang kepada semua org secara adil.
cikgu: ala..masa praktikum ni semangat la..lepas2 tu...hm...ye la...calon praktikum cemerlang kn?

and then she left...God, i really felt like talking back to her..but of course, she does not worth it.
well readers, perhaps she's right. i cant promise myself or anyone that i would still love doing whatever i am doing right now for tomorrows, let alone for the next ten years, but whatever it is,i do hope my passion would never nourish by time. just take a look at these students. each and every one of them has great potential within themselves. they might act stupidly at times, being rude, outsmart you, challenge your, but for God sake, they are still learning about life! *sigh* whatever the other teachers might say...i still love them..each and everyone of them..no exceptional...i learn to accept them they way they are. God, does it really hard to just give a person some good chances? Think about it peeps. Pen-off

~The ArT of LosInG~

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.  Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel.  None of these will bring disaster.


---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied.  It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

~RaMaDhaN~

the eid songs are everywhere...on the radio, telly, malls...
i just hope that i have a longer Ramadhan..
feel like i havent fully utilized this Ramadhan to my very best..
gosh..i just hate those eid songs!

~The sTaTe Of BeIng A TeAcHer..~

dont get me wrong. i'm not here to complain. in fact, i'm glad that after eleven weeks of my practicum, i still find myself love doing whatever i am doing now. my passion towards the teaching profession is not fading at all and i hope it grows time by time. however, back to the reality, being a teacher in this ICT era can be quite scary as the kids these day are very computer savvy. they are utilizing fully the privilege of having the internet to help them finding a vast information about almost everything and some even use it to check on their teachers' profile and so on. so far i have about 25 students of mine checking on my friendster profile (yes peeps, i did the counting and still i do ) and the number proliferates everyday. nevermind, in return, i had quite an amusing time lurking around their friendster profile too *smirking*. Sorry kids, since my profile is restricted to my first degree of friends only, i think you have to wait another one week before you could have the pleasure (or perhaps some zany time?) to laugh at my profile. just in case you might miss this fact, your teacher is quite a melancholic person and my profile speaks it loud. well, of course, i cant afford to be one in school.

p/s: despite of everything...i still love you all...my dearest students. each and every one of you!

~JusT rEmEmBeR..~

to those who are sad over something...
just remember...

"behind every cloud...there is always be the sun. Just wait for your sun to shine..and keep on praying..never give up"

and remember what is stated in our Holy Quran...

Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which
quran.glorius: we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us" (Al -Baqarah : 286)

Good Luck everyone. Pen-off

~sToP!...It's a FasTiNg MonTh~

One of the beauties of Ramdhan is that we teach ourselves to be a better person and restrain ourselves from doing something bad (though sometimes it takes every ounce of courage that you have). Here are fews incidents:

(1) Banging the doors to waking up your 'sleeping beauty' friends for sahur. Unfortunately their ears would process the call differently and what they usually heard was your lullabies or you saying 'xpe..lmbt lg nk azan subuh". Then right after the azan they would quickly woke up and asked you in frustration "woit..nape x kejut aku sahur?". Should you kick the door until it collapse next time? Nope, x boley...bulan pose kne sabar byk2.

(2) Along with the frenzied traffic, in spirit of the fasting month, you do try to refrain your mouth from spewing out curses at other road users....im still trying though..that's why i dont usually drive those who are not that close to me, in case they might have a heart attack later.

(3) When you in school and you asked your students to do their work and they replied you with"teacher, im so exhausted..im fasting today..teacher x pe la, since you're not fasting" or asked you with "teacher, are you fasting? nampak cm segar jek? teacher minum air kt toilet ek?" or "teacher, there's something at your back!" and when you quickly turned to see if there were any unwanted "spot" at your back, they would mouth the irking "gotcha!".


So, since you have made your resolutions to be a better muslim starting from this Ramadhan..all you can do is having EXTRA patience. Good Luck peeps. Happy fasting. May this Ramadhan be the best so far.

~If I...~

if i ask you to let it go,
would you still hold on to it?
if i ask you to leave,
would you stay?
if i ask you to forget,
would you still want to remember?
if i lost my way,
would you ever come to guide me?

~OWH NO!!!~

Read: The title for this entry is printed with capital letters just to highlight the effect of the story.


Just when i thought things were smooth sailing for me (well, for the past few weeks they were) the tempo has started to change. Starting from last Sunday everything has started to turn the other way around. Me and my old buddy, Radhiah had decided to go for iftar together and later had our terawih in Bangsar Mosque (since both of us were craving for sight seeing Bangsar at night). Since it was quite late and i was too tired to drive her back to Shah Alam, we decided that it was wise for her to ditch in my room in IPBA, afterall, none of my roomates was in anyway. She wanted to use the Internet and i was not, so there she was, having her happy times with my laptop. Suddenly, she was screaming out loud when she browse through her loved one's friendster, which was quite surprising though since she's very well known for her 'lemah-lembut'ness and 'sopan santun'ness. *smirking* and gave me some unexpected and the most shocking news ever of something ( or rather someone?). Well, not that I really care about it, but it just well, i dont know, i think i am verbally impaired by now to describe it. Quoted form Koyee.."well if you dont really care, why you're so bothered about it?" So, do i actually care about it? Well, i really dont know but somehow i was troubled and kinda dejected with the news.

The next day, i had my practicum observation. I had everything prepared since last Friday as i aimed for the 'high satisfactory' mark. During the last observation, Dr Prema (my supervisor) told me that she really wanted to award me with the high satisfactory mark but it was agreed during the meeting that there shouldnt be any high satisfactory mark during the first observation as they fear the partners overseas might question them (the supervisors) and question the reliability and validity of the overall observations. Unfortunately, i had three relief slips on my table, the last slip required me to go for relief class until 4pm. So, i thought, i still have 25 minutes to prepare myself before the observation. I rushed to the prayer hall to perform my Asar prayer and ran to the Pusat Bahasa(yes, you read it right..i actually RAN). As i reached Pusat Bahasa, to my dismay, one of the teachers in the school decided to use the Pusat Bahasa before my period, which denied me to have any privilege to prepare earlier for my lesson (like setting up my laptop, re-check my materials etc..you know it la). How could she do that to me? I ve booked the room already! I knocked and told her that i had already made my reservation and she said since my period was not yet started, so she needed to use the room. I patiently explained that i need to set up my laptop, speaker and LCD projector, which might take some time and my lecturer is coming to observe me today and she coldly replied "you can do it during your period". God! i really felt like kicking her or knocking her down with my bare hands at that time. Before i went out, i had a glance of what the students did. They were just answering some questions in the textbook, which, in my opinion, could be done in their respective classroom. Then, the teacher and the students went out late from the Pusat Bahasa (i actually had to knock the door and informed the teacher that her time was up). Before me and my students could enter the room, my lecturer came. What a great timing! *sigh*. There were some technical defaults and i had to spend more time to set up everything and already felt discourage to continue the lesson. While setting up the thing, i gave my students some quizzes and to add on my frustration, my 2 Browser students suddenly decided to have some capricious moments of their life on the same day of my observation. I really wanted to scream out loud. Then, i just continued with my lesson. Guess what is written in my observation comments? Well, i leave you readers with your own predictions. Pen- off.

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. " (Al Baqarah: 216)


p/s: I really dont know what to expect today, tomorrow or days ahead. I need hugs!

~SoMe MoNoLoguEs~

looked at the calendar

3rd of September, 2008. 6.27am

only 23 days left for my practicum.

startle.sad.

God, i used to loathe them at first

yet, i've grown to love them. *sigh*

love afterall is often calamitous feeling to me

surely im gonna miss em heaps and heaps and heaps

coz now, ive already missed them! cant wait to go to school!