~100 HaRi MeNuJu cHeNTa~

Inshallah if Allah permits it and if everything goes as it is planned, I will get married in the next 100 days. Of all the dates in this year, I purposely choose 25/12/2010, 26/12/2010 and 1/1/2111 to mark this very special event in my life. The secret of those dates lies as followed:

25-26 - when I am 25 and will soon reach 26...

12 - From being single (1) I would live with someone else (2)

and as for the sambut menantu :

1/1/11 - when a gentleman meets a lady , there you'll have it, a couplet.

Nice huh?

Spare us some prayers. I really hope that things will run smoothly for both of us and for our families too. Till then, be good peeps!

p/s: realistically romantic..am I not?

~hohohoho~

.........................................

shoo away all emulators...

for i might start blogging again soon...(though it would never be THAT soon mind you!)

so behold people!!

er...note the word MIGHT instead of will, may, or shall..hehehhe~

lastly, happy eid peeps..maaf zahir batin.

~tick tock..tick tock..~

Note: Entry kali ni nk tulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia sebab ada orang komen asyik tulis dalam Bahasa Inggeris jek though I think it's not a biggie as long as your message is clearly conveyed.

Pagi ni seperti pagi-pagi yang sebelumnya. Hujan turun renyai-renyai. Cuaca sangat sejuk. Bangun je, dapat satu lagi sms. Sorang kawan dah kembali ke rahmatullah. Pembedahannya gagal. Manusia hanya mampu berusaha, tapi keputusan akhirnya tetap milik Al-Khaliq. Tersentak kejap. Aku merenung ke luar jendela. Rasa nak menangis, tapi kena tahan jugak sebab dah berjanji. Teringat aku tentang perbualan kami yang terakhir.

Aku : Kau dah fikir masak-masak ke? Aku takut. Aku tak mau kau pergi

Dia : Kau takut aku mati ke?

(Aku diam. Perlahan aku mengangguk)

Dia : Rilek la weh. Mati itu pasti. Semua orang akan mati. Lagipun mati time muda ok pe. Kurang dosa. (Dia tergelak kuat. Aku hanya mampu untuk senyum..pahit)

Aku : Kau ni~ Kelakar sangat la tu eh?Aku risau giler, kau memain lak eh

Dia : Betula la tu. Tu surat ape?

Aku : Alumni faculty of education kat Auckland

Dia : Offer hari tu kau dah tolak kn?

(Aku mengangguk)

Dia: Sebab dia ke? ke ada sebab lain?

Aku : Sebab banyak sebab

Dia : Eleh tapi yang utama sebab dia kn?Bukan cita-cita kau nak dapatkan PHD sebelum umur kau 30 ke? Then kau nak tulis buku kan? Kau dah lupa ke?

Aku: Sampai hati kau cakap sebab dia. Sebab kau la yang utama *ketawa* Mana ada lupa.Cuma aku....(Sungguh aku tiada jawapan untuk persoalannya)

Dia : Ti, hidup ni tak lama. Aku cemburu kat kau. Kau dapat study oversea. Ada degree. Sekarang dah kerja. Aku ni..cuma sempat sampai tahun ketiga je. Pastu keluar masuk hospital. At least, bila aku tengok kau sambung belajar, jd Dr, tulis buku...aku cukup happy dah. Aku tak mampu buat semua tu.

Aku : Kau jangan la cakap macam tu.Aku sedih la

Dia : Sebab tu aku nak operate jugak. Aku dah penat orang sedih tengok aku. Aku nk berusaha. Nak jadi macam kau. Kau faham, kn?

(Aku hanya mampu mengangguk. Entah kenapa aku menangis)

Dia : La...ni apa nangis2 pulak ni. Hingus kau nanti melekat kat aku. Dah la tuh. Eh, kau kena janji something dengan aku.

Aku : Apa?

Dia : Lets say kalau I couldnt make it...kau kena janji jangan nangis. Baca fatihah kat aku banyak-banyak cam yang kau buat untuk arwah Shah. Tolong lawat mak ayah aku bila kau ada masa. Kau kena further study, tulis buku macam yang kau selalu nak buat. Ha, time kau kawen nanti, jangan nak mengelabah atas pelamin or sengih-sengih sangat.Tak cun nanti. Lagi satu jangan make up tebal sangat.Takut suami kau pengsan tengok kau.hahahah

Aku : Ches~ Anyway, nape kau cakap camtu?. Aku tak suka la

Dia : kau tak janji lagi.

Aku : Inshallah aku cuba.

Itulah kali terakhir aku bercakap dengannya. Kali terakhir aku lihat dia tersenyum. Kali terakhir aku menangis di hadapannya. Dan janji terakhirku untuknnya. Teringat aku antara kata-kata terakhirnya..."Ti..hidup ni tak lama". Betul, bukan? Hidup ni tak lama. Hari ni..adakah aku:

1. Melakukan banyak amalan soleh lebih dari semalam?

2. Berbakti kepada ibu bapa?

3. Melakukan sesuatu untuk merancang masa depan dakwah dan masa depanku sendiri?

Sejauh mana kita telah 'pergi' berbanding di perhentian kita sebelum tidur semalam?

Tick tock..tick tock..masa berjalan.

Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~a ReaLisTic RoManTic PerSoN~

....is best describe me after taking an online quiz (which puzzled me much til the moment i wrote this entry). Thanks to someone who 'forced' me to take this quiz, I finally get to know myself better (er..I guess la..jgn mara eh Imah). Here's the actual result:


You Are A Realistic Romantic
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets. You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Ok la kn? Not hoplessly romantic (yerk..sgt menggelikan *muntah*) and not too realistic (yang membosankan). Hohohoh...Wanna try it out too? Feel free to take this test.Bukan la encouraging sangat tapi tak salahkan untuk hilangkan stress keje (coz I know ader orang yang curi2 baca blog ni time keje..hohoho). Here's the link:

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouromanticorrealisticquiz/

Happy trying peeps. Do share with me you result eh..

Pen-off.

MayBe...I AM

I think I am starting to loose myself. It's a cruel battle, but it is an important one. Maybe it's true afterall that I am scared to move on to the next chapter of my life. Somehow, things are just getting too fine and strangely, they freak me out. I am clueless of what I am supposed to do next. As I laid on my bed in the middle of the night, I realised that I am scared that history will repeat itself. I foolishly and purposely tried to make you hate me, though I didn't know why I did that. Maybe because you're so kind to me so I decided to test your kindness? God, I am too scared. Because of that, we are left with broken chatters. I could feel it. We're becoming strangers to each other, aren't we? If I ask you to stay, be with me, encouraging me to trust myself and you more, would you be there for me? or would you shun yourself away from me just like what had happened before? I know I should ask you these long time ago..but I was just too scared (and still, I AM right now). Maybe, it's because I've grown to like you??? God, I've gone bonkers, I know.

If I ask you to stay...would you go away?

soledad....maybe I am.

~I BeG To DiffEr~

Since I obtain my degree from overseas, my prowess of English and my pedagogy skills are often under scrutiny. Most people expect that I will pronounce every word in the most traditional and in Queens English manner, and that I know every single English word and on the top of all, my grammar is flawless. Of course, I don’t. That means, I often subjected to criticism, reprimanding me that I am such a waste of the government money.

I am expected to make my students, (who happen to have poor English proficiency) pass the 111/9 SPM paper, even when I first took over the classes, most of them were struggling to distinguish the correct use of WH questions, let alone coming out with a simple and proper sentence in English.

When I made simple homophonic errors (which I often do), please be informed that I am a human being, thus, mistake is one of the principal human conditions. So, please spare me your verbal slams because they hurt. Seriously!

Fine, I readily admit that I haven’t fully mastered the language, so does the art of teaching. However, I can assure you that I have tried my best (and am still trying) to make my language close to perfection and sharpen my teaching skills (finger crossed).

There, I’ve said it. Loud and clear.

But then again….

maybe my complains fell under the deaf ears *sigh*

Think about it peeps. Pen off.

~aLaHamDuLiLLah...~

Entah di mana silapnya, rasa diri macam dah semakin hanyut. Waktu qiam pagi tadi, aku berfikir tentang banyak perkara.Tiba-tiba jek menangis. Rasa kerdil sangat. Banyak sebenarnya 'signal' yang ALLAH dah bagi, tapi mungkin aku yang lalai, kurang ambil port sangat.

Alhamdulillah...kerana

1. Aku masih muslim
2. Masih sempat untuk berbakti pada mak ayah
3. Walaupun tahun ni banyak kali accident, tapi aku selamat dan tak mengalami kecederaan teruk
4. Walaupun rumah sewa haritu terbakar, tapi tak banyak barang yang rosak. (melecur sikit tapi masih boleh bertahan..still macho lg..hohoh)
5. Dapat kembali ke Auckland untuk convo (dan jumpa junior2 tersayang)
6. Dapat jalan-jalan ke Sarawak (dan masuk Indon secara haram..hohoho..mmg thrilled abes!)
7. Tiada di rumah sewaktu rumah dipecah masuk. (My neighbour was raped by the intruder)
8. Allah hadirkan kawan-kawan yang baik, menggembirakan dan sempurna bagiku.
9. Dapat students yang sangat mengambil berat dan menghiburkan (er..walaupun slalu migraine memikirkan prestasi akademik dan disiplin derang)
10. Aku masih sihat dan mampu hidup tanpa bergantung pada orang lain

....and the list go on.

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal

~ThE Day WhEn I aLmoST GoNe BonKerS~

I have seen it on telly or read it in books, but I've never thought it would happen to me in my normal-everyday-life. Not even the slightest! Just when I thought alamada would be a perfect alternative to lazying around with my friend (apart from midvalley of course) things went unexpetedly. I was 'ambushed' by my auntie and dear cousin. Being a normal human being whose survival skills was never undoubtedly questioned, my survival instict quickly resolved to several options:

1. Pretend that I did not notice them (yer la..terang-terang dah nampak derang terpacak depan McD..boleh ke wat2 tak nampak lagi? Next option please!!)

2. Pretend to pass out (considering the rate of my heart beat when I saw them, this seemed to be the best choice..tapi segan r nak pengsan2 depan orang rmai)

3. Run away...FAST!!! (and leave my friend there alone? Nope, seemed to be unwise)

4. Stay calm, smile and act cool (which I did...finally)

Thank god, things eventually turned out ok. Thanks to someone who managed to stay calmed, I was spared from an embarassing pass out in public event. Memang super cool semalam. Though I am reluctant to admit it...'dier memang cool'


p/s: should scout for another place to lepak2 next time

Pen-off.

~hE aNd Me ThInK aLiKe~

One of my friends pointed out yesterday that some of my former entries sound almost 90% similar to one of his friends'. Feeling uneasy (or shall I say VERY eager to confirm the former claim?), I decided to have a peek on the blog. There, I was, speechless and unable to believe what I saw. It is true afterall!! Oh tidak!!! We talked about the same issues in a VERY SIMILAR manner of writing. Giler byk yg same. What a pure coincidence! He and me thinks alike. Have you encountered the same experience in your life? Do lemme know about it ya. Think about it peeps. Pen-off.


p/s: Oh God, still x boley nk percaya.

~ThEy WiN~

i succumbed to their demand..
ladies and gentlemen,
i hereby humbly announce..
that I own a facebook

*sigh*

(still rse cm x pyh de facebook pn x pe)

~ThEre'LL bE TiMeS...~

...when we tend to think about the future...
as much as we think about the past..
...and Iam glad that I could finally let go the vestige of an old memory
alhamdulillah~

~LearNinG To coMproMiSe~

Quite recently,i have received many queries about a matter (sorry, I can't really reveal what the thing is all about). Anyway, to answer them, let me start with something that I love..a quotation.

"a woman without her man is nothing"

do you agree? well, i reckon that most of the female readers are fuming with anger upon reading this, no? okay, try to read again. This statement can be read in two different manners namely:

1. A woman, without her, man is nothing.

2. A women, without her man, is nothing.

Can you spot the difference? A comma or a pause could make a hell lot of differences in terms of meaning. People are unique for they think differently and thus, interpret a situation or a statement differently. So, make yourself clear whenever you want to voice out your intentions or opinions. Never assume that the other party could understand you. (er..ok, maybe some could if they have telepathic power). Do not afraid to say what you mean or mean what you say. Make yourself clear. Good luck peeps.

***************************************************************************************

Student: "teacher,today i learned a new kata2 hikmah."
Teacher: "you mean, a quotation?"
Student: *scratching his head. perhaps trying to grasp the meaning of quotation* "er..yes. No woman no cry"
Teacher: (ches, hampeh tol)"oh really? i've learned a new quotation too. No man no migraine"

Later, both teacher and the student were laughing non-stop.


p/s: have you figured out the 'matter' by now? read between the lines. Huhuhu~


Pen-off.

~SooN iNsHaLLaH~

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone

Allow me to apologise for being lethargic in updating my blog.
There are so much things to share yet i couldn't find the time to write.
Being busy? Yes, super busy.
Will put on something soon...inshallah.
For a meantime, be good everyone. Enjoy your days.

~HoPeLeSs~

Dear readers

Please be informed that as you are reading this post, i've just few hours ago discharged from the hospital. I was involved in a road accident. I saw a person died before my own eyes yesterday and I could still recall the blood running out non-stop from his head and entire body. The worst part is that there was nothing that I could do to help him. Nothing. Nil. Zilch. I was afterall hopeless. Though Kak Mimi (my housemate) said 'Dah sampai perjanjian dier dengan Tuhan...kita x dpt nk wat pape. Eti pn time tuh dh x sedar" I wish that I could do something, anything to help him. Despite the unbearable pain, I should have just plucked my courage and tried my best to help. I cant stop thinking about it. The image keeps repeating in my head. *sigh*. That's why, here I am, in school, stubbornly attending my classes despite the MC given. I really have to do something useful today. Although I have no idea at all who the victim is, lets spare him an Al-Fatihah.

~HaRaPaN jEk~

The changes that I keen to see at present:

1. Cikgu G will stop bugging me - no more unwanted smses, incoming calls, presents and most importantly, stop giving me that 'friendly' a.ka. gatal stares. I don't need one!

2. My students to put extra effort in completing their essays just as much as they love writing up their journal - oh puhleass peeps! Pn Zuraidah might question me over your incomplete essays *muke cuak*

3. Less gossips in the staff room (or shall i said in school? hm~)

4. ..................................................................... er, i really have no idea for the fourth one. One just can't dream too much, can they?


p/s: In the midst of the constant pathetic, have-to bear- trials, I think I found some rays of love. Thanks peeps for all your support and love! I love you all too of course!

~MeNyEraH~

aku lelah
aku ingin mengalah
berikan kasih-Mu Tuhan
agar bisa ku bertahan

~iMmoBiLe~

have you ever walked on a street that leads you to nowhere?
i think i am walking on one..
if only i knew where it leads me...
i need to know...
but i can't say it loud
i'm trapped but i could not escape
my hands are tied and my legs are chained
all i need is a wind of change
so i could smile
and walking for miles


im waiting......

~aKukaH....~

....yang tersalah tafsir?
kembali menjadi musafir
dalam mimpi yang takpernah pasti
tenanglah wahai hati
aku semakin keliru
bila kata menjadi bisu

~GraDuaTioN~

Auckland, 6.35am....

Yes peeps, I'm currently in auckland and had attended my graduation ceremony. I have approximately one hour before I have to shoot off to the airport and catch my flight. *sweating and trying hard to type in a quick manner*

What is so special about the graduation that I'm willing to spend almost RM2256 and fly accross thousand miles just to be present for this event? The answers are simple. The university honours us, the graduands and for a self satisfaction. Alamak, dah ader yang merajuk ke bace statement tuh? ok let me add some more....to meet all the lecturers, friends and of course, huggly wiggly juniors back! (better?)

The university really honours us in a sense that the road in the city is closed and all the graduands have to march their way to the Aoetea Centre where the ceremony takes place. It was awesmoe and cool to march in the city in your regalia, together with other graduands. The people who stood by the road threw flowers, cheer at us and snapped some photos. Surely I can't ask for a better graduation ceremony. Thank God I was in the Universtiy Of Auckland!

However, I cried during and after the ceremony. Firstly because I had a mixed emotion of rejoice + proud + satisfaction. I wish my parents were there, watching me proudly as I was capped by the dean. Luckily Rye and Naim were there with me. They even shed some tears for me. As quoted from Rye ' rase sebak tengok akak atas pentas tuh...dh grad dh akak'. If other graduands recieved flowers, I on the other hand received a pink love shape necklace for my graduation. Oh ya, together with a congratulation card that has a bride and bridegroom dancing together happily on the front of it...hahaha...thanks Rye and Naim. That was cute and of course, hillarious! *smiling*

Apart from the graduation itself, it was good to meet all the people who are of course, close to your heart. I met Sheryll heaps of times, had dinner and lunch with her, even being 'forced' to give a talk to about 75 students teacher. I swear, I almost fainted when she told me that. Eventually, I love sharing my experience with those students, though I received cold stares from some of the students. Anywhere, why should I care? I don't even know most of the students anyway. Some students even asked for my email address and phone numbers as they wanted to post their queries in the future. The juniors on the other hand welcomed me with a heart warming welcome. Nanad and Jenna tried hard to cook a super delicious nasi lemak, Sara with her cool SLR camera who constantly snapped lots of beautiful pictures of me, Teh, who helped me a lot when I wan in need...and others as well...Thank you so much. You guys are really rock!

God, I really need to stop now. Have a pleasent days ahead. I can't promise you readers to update any entry soon. So, till we meet again some other time. I leave you with heaps of love and good prayers. Pen-off.

~HaVe yOu...~

...ever tried something new that you've never thought you would do one day? Well, I did. I did perform traditional Malays and Bumiputera dance in front of the crowd!!! For those who know me..could you guys ever believe it?

Seriously, I couldn't understand how my school management works, but they eventually sent me to a teather and dancing course last week. So, there I was, stood blankly ibn front of the coaches as they thought me the traditional Malays, Indian, Sumazau and Iban dance. It was extremely difficult at first as I had never dance before in my entire live. As one of the coaches once told me "awk ni keras cm kayu". You see, even the male teachers were better off than me at first. Since I could no longer stand the sarcastic comments and decided that I had enough of those frustration stares from the trainers and teammates, I had to kiss my previleage of sleeping on the comfy bed in my hotel room goodbye and practised the steps and movements of each dancing. After much of hardwork, tears and sweat, I finally managed to dance in front of the crowd without any hesitation. Hohoho. It was unbelievably great. That of course, suprised all the trainers and my teammates. Im not fond of dancing though...but when I was sent to attend it, I did it wholeheartedly.

We tend to think that we can't do something without even bother to give it a try first. I am ashamed to admit that I did have such notion when I first stepped into the training room. Im glad that I've learned something throughout the course. Never give up and never say never. Give yourself a chance to explore and experience something novice in your life. If you fail for the first time, try to do it again and again and again. Afterall, practice makes perfect. Think ab0ut it peeps. With that, I pen-off.