MayBe...I AM

I think I am starting to loose myself. It's a cruel battle, but it is an important one. Maybe it's true afterall that I am scared to move on to the next chapter of my life. Somehow, things are just getting too fine and strangely, they freak me out. I am clueless of what I am supposed to do next. As I laid on my bed in the middle of the night, I realised that I am scared that history will repeat itself. I foolishly and purposely tried to make you hate me, though I didn't know why I did that. Maybe because you're so kind to me so I decided to test your kindness? God, I am too scared. Because of that, we are left with broken chatters. I could feel it. We're becoming strangers to each other, aren't we? If I ask you to stay, be with me, encouraging me to trust myself and you more, would you be there for me? or would you shun yourself away from me just like what had happened before? I know I should ask you these long time ago..but I was just too scared (and still, I AM right now). Maybe, it's because I've grown to like you??? God, I've gone bonkers, I know.

If I ask you to stay...would you go away?

soledad....maybe I am.

~I BeG To DiffEr~

Since I obtain my degree from overseas, my prowess of English and my pedagogy skills are often under scrutiny. Most people expect that I will pronounce every word in the most traditional and in Queens English manner, and that I know every single English word and on the top of all, my grammar is flawless. Of course, I don’t. That means, I often subjected to criticism, reprimanding me that I am such a waste of the government money.

I am expected to make my students, (who happen to have poor English proficiency) pass the 111/9 SPM paper, even when I first took over the classes, most of them were struggling to distinguish the correct use of WH questions, let alone coming out with a simple and proper sentence in English.

When I made simple homophonic errors (which I often do), please be informed that I am a human being, thus, mistake is one of the principal human conditions. So, please spare me your verbal slams because they hurt. Seriously!

Fine, I readily admit that I haven’t fully mastered the language, so does the art of teaching. However, I can assure you that I have tried my best (and am still trying) to make my language close to perfection and sharpen my teaching skills (finger crossed).

There, I’ve said it. Loud and clear.

But then again….

maybe my complains fell under the deaf ears *sigh*

Think about it peeps. Pen off.

~aLaHamDuLiLLah...~

Entah di mana silapnya, rasa diri macam dah semakin hanyut. Waktu qiam pagi tadi, aku berfikir tentang banyak perkara.Tiba-tiba jek menangis. Rasa kerdil sangat. Banyak sebenarnya 'signal' yang ALLAH dah bagi, tapi mungkin aku yang lalai, kurang ambil port sangat.

Alhamdulillah...kerana

1. Aku masih muslim
2. Masih sempat untuk berbakti pada mak ayah
3. Walaupun tahun ni banyak kali accident, tapi aku selamat dan tak mengalami kecederaan teruk
4. Walaupun rumah sewa haritu terbakar, tapi tak banyak barang yang rosak. (melecur sikit tapi masih boleh bertahan..still macho lg..hohoh)
5. Dapat kembali ke Auckland untuk convo (dan jumpa junior2 tersayang)
6. Dapat jalan-jalan ke Sarawak (dan masuk Indon secara haram..hohoho..mmg thrilled abes!)
7. Tiada di rumah sewaktu rumah dipecah masuk. (My neighbour was raped by the intruder)
8. Allah hadirkan kawan-kawan yang baik, menggembirakan dan sempurna bagiku.
9. Dapat students yang sangat mengambil berat dan menghiburkan (er..walaupun slalu migraine memikirkan prestasi akademik dan disiplin derang)
10. Aku masih sihat dan mampu hidup tanpa bergantung pada orang lain

....and the list go on.

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal

~ThE Day WhEn I aLmoST GoNe BonKerS~

I have seen it on telly or read it in books, but I've never thought it would happen to me in my normal-everyday-life. Not even the slightest! Just when I thought alamada would be a perfect alternative to lazying around with my friend (apart from midvalley of course) things went unexpetedly. I was 'ambushed' by my auntie and dear cousin. Being a normal human being whose survival skills was never undoubtedly questioned, my survival instict quickly resolved to several options:

1. Pretend that I did not notice them (yer la..terang-terang dah nampak derang terpacak depan McD..boleh ke wat2 tak nampak lagi? Next option please!!)

2. Pretend to pass out (considering the rate of my heart beat when I saw them, this seemed to be the best choice..tapi segan r nak pengsan2 depan orang rmai)

3. Run away...FAST!!! (and leave my friend there alone? Nope, seemed to be unwise)

4. Stay calm, smile and act cool (which I did...finally)

Thank god, things eventually turned out ok. Thanks to someone who managed to stay calmed, I was spared from an embarassing pass out in public event. Memang super cool semalam. Though I am reluctant to admit it...'dier memang cool'


p/s: should scout for another place to lepak2 next time

Pen-off.

~hE aNd Me ThInK aLiKe~

One of my friends pointed out yesterday that some of my former entries sound almost 90% similar to one of his friends'. Feeling uneasy (or shall I say VERY eager to confirm the former claim?), I decided to have a peek on the blog. There, I was, speechless and unable to believe what I saw. It is true afterall!! Oh tidak!!! We talked about the same issues in a VERY SIMILAR manner of writing. Giler byk yg same. What a pure coincidence! He and me thinks alike. Have you encountered the same experience in your life? Do lemme know about it ya. Think about it peeps. Pen-off.


p/s: Oh God, still x boley nk percaya.

~ThEy WiN~

i succumbed to their demand..
ladies and gentlemen,
i hereby humbly announce..
that I own a facebook

*sigh*

(still rse cm x pyh de facebook pn x pe)

~ThEre'LL bE TiMeS...~

...when we tend to think about the future...
as much as we think about the past..
...and Iam glad that I could finally let go the vestige of an old memory
alhamdulillah~