~tick tock..tick tock..~

Note: Entry kali ni nk tulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia sebab ada orang komen asyik tulis dalam Bahasa Inggeris jek though I think it's not a biggie as long as your message is clearly conveyed.

Pagi ni seperti pagi-pagi yang sebelumnya. Hujan turun renyai-renyai. Cuaca sangat sejuk. Bangun je, dapat satu lagi sms. Sorang kawan dah kembali ke rahmatullah. Pembedahannya gagal. Manusia hanya mampu berusaha, tapi keputusan akhirnya tetap milik Al-Khaliq. Tersentak kejap. Aku merenung ke luar jendela. Rasa nak menangis, tapi kena tahan jugak sebab dah berjanji. Teringat aku tentang perbualan kami yang terakhir.

Aku : Kau dah fikir masak-masak ke? Aku takut. Aku tak mau kau pergi

Dia : Kau takut aku mati ke?

(Aku diam. Perlahan aku mengangguk)

Dia : Rilek la weh. Mati itu pasti. Semua orang akan mati. Lagipun mati time muda ok pe. Kurang dosa. (Dia tergelak kuat. Aku hanya mampu untuk senyum..pahit)

Aku : Kau ni~ Kelakar sangat la tu eh?Aku risau giler, kau memain lak eh

Dia : Betula la tu. Tu surat ape?

Aku : Alumni faculty of education kat Auckland

Dia : Offer hari tu kau dah tolak kn?

(Aku mengangguk)

Dia: Sebab dia ke? ke ada sebab lain?

Aku : Sebab banyak sebab

Dia : Eleh tapi yang utama sebab dia kn?Bukan cita-cita kau nak dapatkan PHD sebelum umur kau 30 ke? Then kau nak tulis buku kan? Kau dah lupa ke?

Aku: Sampai hati kau cakap sebab dia. Sebab kau la yang utama *ketawa* Mana ada lupa.Cuma aku....(Sungguh aku tiada jawapan untuk persoalannya)

Dia : Ti, hidup ni tak lama. Aku cemburu kat kau. Kau dapat study oversea. Ada degree. Sekarang dah kerja. Aku ni..cuma sempat sampai tahun ketiga je. Pastu keluar masuk hospital. At least, bila aku tengok kau sambung belajar, jd Dr, tulis buku...aku cukup happy dah. Aku tak mampu buat semua tu.

Aku : Kau jangan la cakap macam tu.Aku sedih la

Dia : Sebab tu aku nak operate jugak. Aku dah penat orang sedih tengok aku. Aku nk berusaha. Nak jadi macam kau. Kau faham, kn?

(Aku hanya mampu mengangguk. Entah kenapa aku menangis)

Dia : La...ni apa nangis2 pulak ni. Hingus kau nanti melekat kat aku. Dah la tuh. Eh, kau kena janji something dengan aku.

Aku : Apa?

Dia : Lets say kalau I couldnt make it...kau kena janji jangan nangis. Baca fatihah kat aku banyak-banyak cam yang kau buat untuk arwah Shah. Tolong lawat mak ayah aku bila kau ada masa. Kau kena further study, tulis buku macam yang kau selalu nak buat. Ha, time kau kawen nanti, jangan nak mengelabah atas pelamin or sengih-sengih sangat.Tak cun nanti. Lagi satu jangan make up tebal sangat.Takut suami kau pengsan tengok kau.hahahah

Aku : Ches~ Anyway, nape kau cakap camtu?. Aku tak suka la

Dia : kau tak janji lagi.

Aku : Inshallah aku cuba.

Itulah kali terakhir aku bercakap dengannya. Kali terakhir aku lihat dia tersenyum. Kali terakhir aku menangis di hadapannya. Dan janji terakhirku untuknnya. Teringat aku antara kata-kata terakhirnya..."Ti..hidup ni tak lama". Betul, bukan? Hidup ni tak lama. Hari ni..adakah aku:

1. Melakukan banyak amalan soleh lebih dari semalam?

2. Berbakti kepada ibu bapa?

3. Melakukan sesuatu untuk merancang masa depan dakwah dan masa depanku sendiri?

Sejauh mana kita telah 'pergi' berbanding di perhentian kita sebelum tidur semalam?

Tick tock..tick tock..masa berjalan.

Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~a ReaLisTic RoManTic PerSoN~

....is best describe me after taking an online quiz (which puzzled me much til the moment i wrote this entry). Thanks to someone who 'forced' me to take this quiz, I finally get to know myself better (er..I guess la..jgn mara eh Imah). Here's the actual result:


You Are A Realistic Romantic
It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets. You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Ok la kn? Not hoplessly romantic (yerk..sgt menggelikan *muntah*) and not too realistic (yang membosankan). Hohohoh...Wanna try it out too? Feel free to take this test.Bukan la encouraging sangat tapi tak salahkan untuk hilangkan stress keje (coz I know ader orang yang curi2 baca blog ni time keje..hohoho). Here's the link:

http://www.blogthings.com/areyouromanticorrealisticquiz/

Happy trying peeps. Do share with me you result eh..

Pen-off.

MayBe...I AM

I think I am starting to loose myself. It's a cruel battle, but it is an important one. Maybe it's true afterall that I am scared to move on to the next chapter of my life. Somehow, things are just getting too fine and strangely, they freak me out. I am clueless of what I am supposed to do next. As I laid on my bed in the middle of the night, I realised that I am scared that history will repeat itself. I foolishly and purposely tried to make you hate me, though I didn't know why I did that. Maybe because you're so kind to me so I decided to test your kindness? God, I am too scared. Because of that, we are left with broken chatters. I could feel it. We're becoming strangers to each other, aren't we? If I ask you to stay, be with me, encouraging me to trust myself and you more, would you be there for me? or would you shun yourself away from me just like what had happened before? I know I should ask you these long time ago..but I was just too scared (and still, I AM right now). Maybe, it's because I've grown to like you??? God, I've gone bonkers, I know.

If I ask you to stay...would you go away?

soledad....maybe I am.

~I BeG To DiffEr~

Since I obtain my degree from overseas, my prowess of English and my pedagogy skills are often under scrutiny. Most people expect that I will pronounce every word in the most traditional and in Queens English manner, and that I know every single English word and on the top of all, my grammar is flawless. Of course, I don’t. That means, I often subjected to criticism, reprimanding me that I am such a waste of the government money.

I am expected to make my students, (who happen to have poor English proficiency) pass the 111/9 SPM paper, even when I first took over the classes, most of them were struggling to distinguish the correct use of WH questions, let alone coming out with a simple and proper sentence in English.

When I made simple homophonic errors (which I often do), please be informed that I am a human being, thus, mistake is one of the principal human conditions. So, please spare me your verbal slams because they hurt. Seriously!

Fine, I readily admit that I haven’t fully mastered the language, so does the art of teaching. However, I can assure you that I have tried my best (and am still trying) to make my language close to perfection and sharpen my teaching skills (finger crossed).

There, I’ve said it. Loud and clear.

But then again….

maybe my complains fell under the deaf ears *sigh*

Think about it peeps. Pen off.

~aLaHamDuLiLLah...~

Entah di mana silapnya, rasa diri macam dah semakin hanyut. Waktu qiam pagi tadi, aku berfikir tentang banyak perkara.Tiba-tiba jek menangis. Rasa kerdil sangat. Banyak sebenarnya 'signal' yang ALLAH dah bagi, tapi mungkin aku yang lalai, kurang ambil port sangat.

Alhamdulillah...kerana

1. Aku masih muslim
2. Masih sempat untuk berbakti pada mak ayah
3. Walaupun tahun ni banyak kali accident, tapi aku selamat dan tak mengalami kecederaan teruk
4. Walaupun rumah sewa haritu terbakar, tapi tak banyak barang yang rosak. (melecur sikit tapi masih boleh bertahan..still macho lg..hohoh)
5. Dapat kembali ke Auckland untuk convo (dan jumpa junior2 tersayang)
6. Dapat jalan-jalan ke Sarawak (dan masuk Indon secara haram..hohoho..mmg thrilled abes!)
7. Tiada di rumah sewaktu rumah dipecah masuk. (My neighbour was raped by the intruder)
8. Allah hadirkan kawan-kawan yang baik, menggembirakan dan sempurna bagiku.
9. Dapat students yang sangat mengambil berat dan menghiburkan (er..walaupun slalu migraine memikirkan prestasi akademik dan disiplin derang)
10. Aku masih sihat dan mampu hidup tanpa bergantung pada orang lain

....and the list go on.

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal

~ThE Day WhEn I aLmoST GoNe BonKerS~

I have seen it on telly or read it in books, but I've never thought it would happen to me in my normal-everyday-life. Not even the slightest! Just when I thought alamada would be a perfect alternative to lazying around with my friend (apart from midvalley of course) things went unexpetedly. I was 'ambushed' by my auntie and dear cousin. Being a normal human being whose survival skills was never undoubtedly questioned, my survival instict quickly resolved to several options:

1. Pretend that I did not notice them (yer la..terang-terang dah nampak derang terpacak depan McD..boleh ke wat2 tak nampak lagi? Next option please!!)

2. Pretend to pass out (considering the rate of my heart beat when I saw them, this seemed to be the best choice..tapi segan r nak pengsan2 depan orang rmai)

3. Run away...FAST!!! (and leave my friend there alone? Nope, seemed to be unwise)

4. Stay calm, smile and act cool (which I did...finally)

Thank god, things eventually turned out ok. Thanks to someone who managed to stay calmed, I was spared from an embarassing pass out in public event. Memang super cool semalam. Though I am reluctant to admit it...'dier memang cool'


p/s: should scout for another place to lepak2 next time

Pen-off.

~hE aNd Me ThInK aLiKe~

One of my friends pointed out yesterday that some of my former entries sound almost 90% similar to one of his friends'. Feeling uneasy (or shall I say VERY eager to confirm the former claim?), I decided to have a peek on the blog. There, I was, speechless and unable to believe what I saw. It is true afterall!! Oh tidak!!! We talked about the same issues in a VERY SIMILAR manner of writing. Giler byk yg same. What a pure coincidence! He and me thinks alike. Have you encountered the same experience in your life? Do lemme know about it ya. Think about it peeps. Pen-off.


p/s: Oh God, still x boley nk percaya.