~Try To HaVe a GooD oNe, ThIs TiMe~

It's already maghrib. According to the Islamic timing, maghrib signals a new day, so here it is, 1st Muharam 1430 Hijrah, a new year. Well, even the Gregorian calender will soon march to his new chapter.

Randoms things that I have learned and happened in the past year:

1. Blogging is bloody addictive and is a proven to be an effective method of escapism
2. Blogging is also scary. You will never know who is actually read whatever you write.
3. Although you will never know who's reading your blog, it is actually ok to pour your thoughts to strangers (though at times without any self-censorship).
4. I can actually survive the worst in life (inshallah)
5. Sometimes we have to give up the good for the best...and the best is yet to come (inshallah)
6. Although saying 'no' to others is difficult, you really need to mutter it at times.
7. I do actually posses the power and courage to move the mountains and make a change.
8. I don't really have a sense of humour...alas, I do laugh a lot!
9. One of the ways to make your days better is to actually make other people's days better.
10. I've completed my degree with second class upper and merit for my practicum (alhamdulillah)
11. I own my first new car which I paid for it myself.
12. I can survive school!!!!

Things to achieve this year
1. Khuysu in my solat
2. Memorising surah Al-Baqarah
3. Start plucking guitar again. It has been years since I last played the instrument.
4. Try out more outdoor activities.
5. More travelings and discoveries in terms of both places and life itself.
6. Meet new people and make new friends.
7. Set an exceptionally good example to my soon-born niece (inshallah) and my friends' kids
8. Refrain myself from spewing curses to other road users (I'm dying to achieve this)
9. Avoid any self-humiliating incident during my convo...both in Auckland and in Malaysia, for silly incidents tend to look for me whenever I have such a grand and formal events.

......and the lists go on!

Happy New Year peeps! May you have 365 days of blessings and joys.

~ThaT's WhaT LiFe Is aLL aBouT~

Lesson in life can come to you at any time and at any place of the day. Say while you're watching some boring and crappy sitcom, while you're gazing up to the sky, while you're chatting with a stranger or even as you overheard people's conversation while queuing up for some hot chocolates. I was lining up for my Oreo McFlurry, when one of the women who was apparently stood behind me said something that really struck me hard...at the heart (well...I didn't earsdrop people's conversation though but the lady said it rather loud and I could not help but to overheard her words) "You can't have it all. That's what life is all about".

A textbook of common sense. A publicly agreed that it is truth and somewhat close to the complete fact that you cant always get what we want, no matter at times how badly we want it and willing to sacrifice our life for it. No? Well, I do believe so. You study hard, score straight A's in your exam, get great promotions, marrying your dream man/woman..then suddenly (oh how we hate the word suddenly in the middle of the story)..well..something bad happens. Get involved in an accident, being betrayed by your spouse or perhaps business partner, your children grown up to be someone that you don't even know anymore, going bankrupt...sounds familiar? Aren't they all some cliches? We've seen those in the drama and perhaps, in real life. Some people even live with those drama. They don't experience it by option of course, but they have to put up with it. It's part of who they are and where they come from. Spare me your sigh and complaints. Oh well, we cant always get what we want regardless the superb plan that we have with us.

But at times, it's allright if you can't get certain things. It makes you stronger, it makes you learn to be a better person. When we fail, we taste the bitterness in life, we become more careful in the future. We learn to stand tough and grown to be more appreciative towards the people and things around us. We start to count our blessings and learn to pray hard. Thus, although failures are frustrating, they are often essential in life. Lets face it for real. Success is sweet, failure is bitter. Too much sweet wont do you any good, yet, too much bitter will ruin your life. A balance for both perhaps? A bit more sugar or perhaps, some more coffee? I really have no idea! Something to ponder about. Take your time to think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~aNd wHeN sHe GoT FrusTraTEd..~

...she wrote an entry for her blog. Yes people, I'm so frustrated and mortified that I could kill someone! (er... murdering someone could sentence me to death, how about the second option..burn down the penempatan guru office?yeah..it sounds better) At first they said that the posting result will be out on the 16th and to our dismay, they changed it later to the 20th. On the 2oth, the result was out finally...but only for the primary teachers...how about us who are going to teach in the secondary? Funnily, as some of my friends decided to fully utilise the hotline service and constantly bugged the officers in charge (yes, some of us even took turn to call it), they confirmed that the result would be out on the 24th for the secondary teachers. Today, on the 24th of December, as I was online with an intention to check my posting result, guess what I found in the MOE website?

PEMBERITAHUAN
Penempatan Guru Sandaran Siswazah Terlatih dan Kursus Diploma
Pendidikan Lepasan Ijazah (DPLI) dari pelbagai Institusi Pengajian
Tinggi - Sekolah Menengah Boleh Disemak Pada 05 Januari 2009

Terkini from www.emoe.gov. my

My first reaction was..holy crap! God..I will only get to know the result next year! In 2009! Okay, lets not be too dramatic here. 2009 is just a breath away right. Although we have been treated so unfairly we are still considered to be lucky for having extra holiday as compared to our primary teacher friends, right? hahaha..Life can be exciting at times!

Anyway, as an escapism to my frustration, I wanna pen down something that I just discovered today. I was arranging few of my books when suddenly I saw a piece of note in one of the books. Strange, I have never realised the note before. It says:

Miss Aziati,
I have never done this before to any of my teachers. But I write this to you to thank you wholeheartedly. Thank you for being such a caring and great teacher to me.I'm glad that you did not give up on me when other teachers choose to do so. Thank you for always smile and enlighten us with your cheerfulness. You would never know how much that glimpse of you made my day, reminding me that school afterall, is not that bad anyway. Hope that you can back next year.

I have to admit that I was stunned when I first read the note. I had never once imagined that I would receive such a heart touching note from that student. This note is a testimony that confirmed what Henrey Books Adam's great proclamation that " A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops". I can't wait to start teaching again next year and for the years ahead. Pen-off.

~NeW ChEfs iN LiNe~

Maybe because they were bored, all my younger siblings (with no exceptional for my two brothers) were so keen to try out their cooking talent. Aizat came out with his secret recipe of fried beef that was surprisingly so nuymmy (though I did not dare to ask him what were the ingredients or how he cooked the beef). Aiman on the other hand mesmerised us with his finger licking good ayam masak merah. Arifah, well, she had tried so many recipes and she had done a splendid job in preparing them. As for me, I have been experimenting some new recipes myself. Today I came out with a salad dish that is a fusion of eastern and western style (ceh..bunyi cm gempak la konon..hehehe). Arifah accidentally boiled some potatoes (some? quite a lot jgk la sbnarnya) and we really have to do something with those potatoes. I couldn't turn them into mashed potatoes as there were no fresh milk left in the fridge so I decided to make some salad. How ironic! Given the fact that I do not eat most of the vegie, salad is always be the last thing in my menu lists. Anyway, with not so much stuff in the fridge (well, inadequate ingredients seems to be a wise excuse) I managed to prepare a salad dish and thank God, it tasted quite good *phew* My parents loved it and had asked me to do it again some time soon. Perhaps when my sister Farah (who happens to be a vegie lover) comes back. God, I cant wait for tomorrow. Aiman had promised me to cook something for lunch...though I better not seeing him while he is behind the stove. You can never imagine how normally not-cooking-guys managed to prepare their dish...well, given a second thought, I rephrase. You better not! Hahaha...No offense guys! Pen-off.

p/s: My makcik is coming and she is a superb cook! Cant wait for the 23rd to come.
p/p/s: Ayahndaku telah menitahkan kami semua untuk pulang ke Trg esok menjenguk nendaku..cant online for a few days..sob..sob..sob..

~ThE PerFecT FaCaDe~

they said I have a heart of steel
which enables me to endure the worst in life
they said I am blessed with a fairly quick brain
that is articulated in my speech and writing
they said I am very optimistic
that I could make do out of a situation and turn it to be the best
they said I have a lovely smile
that often brighten their days
they said I have my own style
that makes me one of a kind
but the truth is...
I am just an ordinary person
who is trying hard to stand tough
who at times stumble
who is still hampered by my past
who cries at night whenever I am alone
who struggles to live in everyday war
yes, I survived
but all my energy is depleted
whatever they said about me
might not reflect the truth
the perfect facade...

~ExacTLy a YeaR aGo...~

This entry is specially dedicated to my brother, sister, brother in- laws and sister in-laws.

Exactly a year ago, on the same date like today (with different year of course!) our house held a wedding ceremony to welcome two my new family members and to celebrate a new phase of life for both my sister and my brother. I could still feel the sheer of joys and still have the mental imagery of the dais. The dais was the most enchanted one that I have ever seen in my entire life. It was full of fresh flowers and trust me, very mesmerising. I wish I could have one like that if I were to get married one day (ceh..angan2 tak boley blah...calon pon xde).

Anyway, what I love most about the wedding is that two hearts (in this case four hearts) are united. The happiness of both the bride and the bridegroom are clearly mirrored on their face and the air is full of love. I don't know whether I would have a chance to meet someone, fall in love with that guy and finally married to him and live happily ever after. Those who have found theirs are so lucky and should count their blessing to God. I really don't know what to write actually. My initial plan was to just write a few lines and congrats both my brother and sister, together with their spouses for their first anniversary. Look what I have done here. Huhuhuh. Ayway, to abg & kak yana, farah & abg adam...

Happy 1st anniversary. May the days ahead begin with joy and end in serenity.

~I wiSh...~

........I didn't know about it
I wish people would let it buried
I wish I could wake up one morning
and not to think about it
I wish things were different
I wish I didn't write this stupid ballad at all
I don't know why
But I really wanna cry
I hope tomorrow
wont bring so much sorrow
perhaps this is my final song
for I know it is so wrong
to still write
even when hurt strikes

~BiLa KiTa..~

bila kita terpaksa memilih...
ada sesuatu yang telah beralih

~ThEre iS...~

....a Malay saying "sediakan payung sebelum hujan" or if you translate it "Get your umbrella ready before it rains". This saying either literally or figuratively teaches us to be prepared or get ready with all our means in encountering something (that is usually a bad thing). It's a monsoon season now and it'ss pouring everyday. Living in Kuantan, you can't really do much about it. You'll be stuck at home most of the time, do all the chores which at times can be boring. You'll be sweeping the floor four times per day (since there isn't much left to do), experimenting lots and lots of recipe (i think this is one of the reasons why the east coast people have variety of delicacies), watching telly *yawning*, and even willing to smack down your younger brother and sister just in order to get the modem and have the privilege of using the Internet (we had done this before...once! me, aizat and arifah).

Fortunately, I had bought few books before I went back to Kuantan. Ive spent almost RM300 on them but they worth the price. The list of the books is as follow:

1. The Malay Dilemma (Tun Dr Mahathir)
2. A Nation Before Self and Values that Do Not Die(Tan Sri Yuen Yuet Leng)
3. Travelog Dakawah: Meniti Hari Esok (Profesor Mohd Kamil Ibrahim)
4. Rahsia Kegemilangan Islam di China
5. Tuesday With Morrie (Mitch Albom)
6. For One More Day (Mitch Albom)
7. The Last Lecture (Randy Pausch)
8. If You Could See Me Now (Cecilia Ahern)
9. Where Rainbows End (Cecilia Ahern)
10. A Place Called Here (Cecilia Ahern)

If you notice, the first seven books concern more about life, issues and religion while the last three are attuned about love. Huhuh. I dont usually read love novels but one of my closest friends suggested that I read more love novel due to my lack of experience in handling love matters. Yes, I admit, he has his point there. Though I am talkative and laugh heaps, if you put a guy there, I'll be mute...unless if the guys is also a talkative person, so I would be more comfortable. Hahaha. So, peeps, what's new in your reading list? Care to share? Pen-off.

p/s: I strongly recommend For One More Day to all. It made me realise how great is our mother's love and how bad we are in treating them at times. Give it a try peeps!

~JusT HoW GooD is YoUr Trg VoCaB?~

Me and my sister went out yesterday to buy few stuff. Yes, Arifah loves to go out with me as she would ask me to buy her these and that (Right, Arifah? Do you wanna beg to differ now? Hahaha). Being a good sister (or trying to be a good one) I usually wouldn't mind purchasing her anything that she wanted, well...at least not until she's 17 and started asking me to buy her few expensive stuff, which I humbly admit that I myself did not own such things. But most of the time, I did buy those things for her. Talking about spoiling my youngest sister!

Anyway back to the topic, as we reached home, my dad, who happened to be a Terengganuease asked me "Gi kuane sariang?Doktong?" Well, as compared to my other siblings, I think my prowess in the Terengganu slang is the best (I used to attend a school in Terengganu for two years anyway). My mind would definitely have no problem to process the first few words..but DOKTONG? What the heck is that?

Me: "Doktong? Do they REALLY have such word, ayah? Tak pernah dengar pon"
Ayah: *Paused for a while...thinking* Guane dok pernoh dengar? I think it means gallivating"
Me: You think? Hehehehe..*trying hard not to burst out my laughter*

I think my even my dad's Terennganu's slang is deteriorating. That's why he would speak in his Terengganu slang with me every now and then...eventhough I can hardly remember all the words. They have sammah (50 cent) supik (plastic), kenge (a lembik person), kalam (pencil), etek (jugak/ too), saing (companion/ friends), kupik (stingy). How unique is that?

Well...I wont blame you if you think that Terengganu is a foreign country...coz I used to think the same before. Pen-off.

~The DaTukShiP~

Every now and then people kept talking about the Malacca decision to award Shah Rukh Khan (or should I put the Dato' title in front?) with datukship. Some agree, some wont bother but most of the people that I've met are beg to differ the decision. Well, I think it is a nature for most Malaysians to kept complaining about almost everything, and this issue, of course will not be excluded neither in the high class restaurant and in kedai kopi discussions or gossip forum. Hahaha. I personally was surprised when I first knew about it. But after giving it some thoughts, I think it can be considered as a wise thing to do. You see, by awarding the actor with datukship, we could actually promote our country to India. Sure Malaysia have a lot to offer to the tourists. Another thing concerns our economy as it would be easier for Malaysians to invest in India and for the Indians to invest in our country...well..it's my humble opinion though. You can just disagree with it. It wont be an issue to me.

Anyway, about two months ago, it was reported that the PM of Thailand had shoes and selipar jepun (God, the Thais also wear that selipar jepun!) thrown at him. I'm not sure whether or not the Malaysians would do the same to Shah Rukh Khan, (ok DATO Shah Rukh Khan) to express their disagreement. I hope they dont. But just in case any one has the urge, the temerity and the heart to throw shoes to this dato, please leave the selipar jepun for yourself...and I really mean it! Dont go to the lockup barefooted. If eggs are your weapon of choice, make sure that they are Grade A. Don't embarrassed our country. Sure we are not that so-low- class people, right? RIGHT? Hehehe... Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~Today, aS sHe WrITeS aBouT... ~

She could still remember her first day in IPBA. It was dated way back five years ago. On the 16th of June, 2003, with her red jubah and cream scarf, she reported herself as a student teacher there. It was one of the most difficult decision for her as she was teetering between her father's desire to further her study in a law course and her own passion to be a teacher. Finally, she rejected the scholarship offer to further her study in laws in UK and decided to chase for her dream, that is to be a teacher. Not just a teacher, but the great one and nevertheless to say, the one who educates people. Her decision of course, infused great disappointment to her dad and he decided to gave her silent treatment for the next three years. She knew that she had crushed her father's hope. She had been exposed to some law books ever since she was in form two and she was constantly being included in all the discussions, namely political issues, economics and current changes that took place at that time and their effects. However for once, just for once, she decided to follow her own dream. She was sad too but never regret upon making such decision. Even today as she writes, she still felt a bit guilty and sorry for her dad. Anyway, on that day, despite her guilty feeling, she lavished her smile to anyone she met and tried to hide her tears for disappointing her dad.

The first person that she talked to is Siti Normaisarah, who is also known as Iyce. It was in the registration room where as normal, she would get confused even for a simple matter. So, she decided to ask the person who was lining up in front of her about this and that. That person gave her an indifferent look, not interested until she finally introduced herself. "Saya Aziati, nama awak siapa?" Iyce looked surprise upon hearing her name. Then they had a chat. It was few days later she knew why Iyce suddenly changed when she heard her name. A week ago, Iyce claimed her as the most chirpy person she ever met (in a positive way of course). Hahaha. Thanks Iyce!

IPBA has witnessed a lot of things that had happened to her. It was the place when learned more about life, to trust or mistrust people, to have friends and foes, how she hardly survived in few unfortunate incidents in her life and how she learned to love and learned to not being selfish and let it go (she might write about it one day..perhaps). IPBA is also a place where she had gained a vast of knowledge from the greatest lecturers, who of course had put her in some mental tortured sessions with the excuse of having her and her course mates to think more critically about certain issues pertaining the education and life. She is still haunted with the Dr Lawrence words 'C'mon people, put on your thinking cap!". *wink* Everyday, she and her friends had to climbed up the 64 stairs just to go to the lectures while later be in the sauna (DKB) for the lectures since the air-cond were constantly not working. She had to endure the heat, not to mention the aroma therapy from the students which was usually more suffocating than calming. She brazen all these just to complete her foundation years, get herself accepted in one of the overseas university and come back with a degree...which alhamdulillah she DID it! She finally graduated with a 2nd class upper degree (0.5 more to get first class...hua!!!) and got merit for her practicum. She was offered by her lectures to teach in one of the boarding school but she still uncertain with her decision.

Yesterday, as she waved goodbye to all, she cried her heart out. She realised that she was blessed with such a wonderful house mates and friends who are never hesitate to be by her side whenever she needs them. It was not the first time she left IPBA for she had left it to further her study in Auckland before but yesterday, it was different altogether. She knew she would almost never gone back to IPBA. Yesterday, might be the last time she met some of them (if not all) or perhaps the last time they could ever see her. Things won't be the same anymore for change is constant. If only all her friends (especially her house mates) could hear her now she would smile and say 'Thank you girls. I love y' all!' She has already missed them terribly. Oh ya girls, the song below is specially dedicated to you ok. Pen-off.

Hanson -I will come to you.

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear that I'll be there come what may

'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you, whoa
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand

~PosITiVeLy NeGaTiVE~

Looking back at the few posts lately, I realised that they are positively negative. I think it was quite obvious that people could just sense my wrath (or dissapointment?) in the last two posts. To those who are quite new here, I'm not exactly an emo person..i love to laugh alot and can be considered as a cheerful person (huhuhu... boley ke wat self proclamation like that? I wonder). But as a normal human being who wears some flaws, I just cannot fathom some injustice in life and I really cannot stand people who tend to take others and their feelings for granted. So dear readers before I put a full stop for this entry, here are something that I had discovered for the past few days:

Control yourself. Remember that ANGER is one letter short from DANGER. But if are willing to have an extra patience, you'll definately become an ANGEL.

If it's possible I really wanna be an angel myself. I apologise for all my mistakes and wrongdoings. Pen-off.

~whaT HaVe I DoNe?~

The title speaks for itself. I've done damages that has obviously cut people's heart. They don't deserve to be treated such way but eventually, I did hurt them...unintentionally and even without me realising it. God, I wish I could be more rational and sensitive.

Jaime
I know it's kinda childish to pen it down here but yeah..I guess it's me anyway. I owe you an apology. There was a miscommunication and I thought you didn't want to go out. I am truly sorry. I am!

To whom it may concern
It was not until today (or should I said just now?) that I learned that she took whatever happened amongst three of us as a competition and prided herself for winning it. I didn't know. Seriously I didn't. I thought you were truly happy with her (and I bet you still are). The way I see it, it has never been a competition. NEVER. I hope she understands that your heart is not something to be phunked about. It's to be appreciated and cherished. If only she could read this, I hope she would changed and be rest assured. You love her and that's it. I understand but somehow I feel guilty bits. God, what have I done here? I let it go because I thought it was for the best. I saw the pictures and I still remembered what you have written on your blog "I met someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with...but the past kept hunting me". I've kept my promise, haven't I? Nevermind, as long as you are happy now..so i guess, it just something that we all should forget. Just follow the flow, they said. Let by gone be by gone...I almost made it...until today. *sigh* You 've found what you have been looking for and alhamdulillah, I realised what makes me content most...my KHALIQ's love. I embraced my destiny and prayed for your happiness. ALLAH knows best. Pen-off.