~Try To HaVe a GooD oNe, ThIs TiMe~

It's already maghrib. According to the Islamic timing, maghrib signals a new day, so here it is, 1st Muharam 1430 Hijrah, a new year. Well, even the Gregorian calender will soon march to his new chapter.

Randoms things that I have learned and happened in the past year:

1. Blogging is bloody addictive and is a proven to be an effective method of escapism
2. Blogging is also scary. You will never know who is actually read whatever you write.
3. Although you will never know who's reading your blog, it is actually ok to pour your thoughts to strangers (though at times without any self-censorship).
4. I can actually survive the worst in life (inshallah)
5. Sometimes we have to give up the good for the best...and the best is yet to come (inshallah)
6. Although saying 'no' to others is difficult, you really need to mutter it at times.
7. I do actually posses the power and courage to move the mountains and make a change.
8. I don't really have a sense of humour...alas, I do laugh a lot!
9. One of the ways to make your days better is to actually make other people's days better.
10. I've completed my degree with second class upper and merit for my practicum (alhamdulillah)
11. I own my first new car which I paid for it myself.
12. I can survive school!!!!

Things to achieve this year
1. Khuysu in my solat
2. Memorising surah Al-Baqarah
3. Start plucking guitar again. It has been years since I last played the instrument.
4. Try out more outdoor activities.
5. More travelings and discoveries in terms of both places and life itself.
6. Meet new people and make new friends.
7. Set an exceptionally good example to my soon-born niece (inshallah) and my friends' kids
8. Refrain myself from spewing curses to other road users (I'm dying to achieve this)
9. Avoid any self-humiliating incident during my convo...both in Auckland and in Malaysia, for silly incidents tend to look for me whenever I have such a grand and formal events.

......and the lists go on!

Happy New Year peeps! May you have 365 days of blessings and joys.

~ThaT's WhaT LiFe Is aLL aBouT~

Lesson in life can come to you at any time and at any place of the day. Say while you're watching some boring and crappy sitcom, while you're gazing up to the sky, while you're chatting with a stranger or even as you overheard people's conversation while queuing up for some hot chocolates. I was lining up for my Oreo McFlurry, when one of the women who was apparently stood behind me said something that really struck me hard...at the heart (well...I didn't earsdrop people's conversation though but the lady said it rather loud and I could not help but to overheard her words) "You can't have it all. That's what life is all about".

A textbook of common sense. A publicly agreed that it is truth and somewhat close to the complete fact that you cant always get what we want, no matter at times how badly we want it and willing to sacrifice our life for it. No? Well, I do believe so. You study hard, score straight A's in your exam, get great promotions, marrying your dream man/woman..then suddenly (oh how we hate the word suddenly in the middle of the story)..well..something bad happens. Get involved in an accident, being betrayed by your spouse or perhaps business partner, your children grown up to be someone that you don't even know anymore, going bankrupt...sounds familiar? Aren't they all some cliches? We've seen those in the drama and perhaps, in real life. Some people even live with those drama. They don't experience it by option of course, but they have to put up with it. It's part of who they are and where they come from. Spare me your sigh and complaints. Oh well, we cant always get what we want regardless the superb plan that we have with us.

But at times, it's allright if you can't get certain things. It makes you stronger, it makes you learn to be a better person. When we fail, we taste the bitterness in life, we become more careful in the future. We learn to stand tough and grown to be more appreciative towards the people and things around us. We start to count our blessings and learn to pray hard. Thus, although failures are frustrating, they are often essential in life. Lets face it for real. Success is sweet, failure is bitter. Too much sweet wont do you any good, yet, too much bitter will ruin your life. A balance for both perhaps? A bit more sugar or perhaps, some more coffee? I really have no idea! Something to ponder about. Take your time to think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~aNd wHeN sHe GoT FrusTraTEd..~

...she wrote an entry for her blog. Yes people, I'm so frustrated and mortified that I could kill someone! (er... murdering someone could sentence me to death, how about the second option..burn down the penempatan guru office?yeah..it sounds better) At first they said that the posting result will be out on the 16th and to our dismay, they changed it later to the 20th. On the 2oth, the result was out finally...but only for the primary teachers...how about us who are going to teach in the secondary? Funnily, as some of my friends decided to fully utilise the hotline service and constantly bugged the officers in charge (yes, some of us even took turn to call it), they confirmed that the result would be out on the 24th for the secondary teachers. Today, on the 24th of December, as I was online with an intention to check my posting result, guess what I found in the MOE website?

PEMBERITAHUAN
Penempatan Guru Sandaran Siswazah Terlatih dan Kursus Diploma
Pendidikan Lepasan Ijazah (DPLI) dari pelbagai Institusi Pengajian
Tinggi - Sekolah Menengah Boleh Disemak Pada 05 Januari 2009

Terkini from www.emoe.gov. my

My first reaction was..holy crap! God..I will only get to know the result next year! In 2009! Okay, lets not be too dramatic here. 2009 is just a breath away right. Although we have been treated so unfairly we are still considered to be lucky for having extra holiday as compared to our primary teacher friends, right? hahaha..Life can be exciting at times!

Anyway, as an escapism to my frustration, I wanna pen down something that I just discovered today. I was arranging few of my books when suddenly I saw a piece of note in one of the books. Strange, I have never realised the note before. It says:

Miss Aziati,
I have never done this before to any of my teachers. But I write this to you to thank you wholeheartedly. Thank you for being such a caring and great teacher to me.I'm glad that you did not give up on me when other teachers choose to do so. Thank you for always smile and enlighten us with your cheerfulness. You would never know how much that glimpse of you made my day, reminding me that school afterall, is not that bad anyway. Hope that you can back next year.

I have to admit that I was stunned when I first read the note. I had never once imagined that I would receive such a heart touching note from that student. This note is a testimony that confirmed what Henrey Books Adam's great proclamation that " A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops". I can't wait to start teaching again next year and for the years ahead. Pen-off.

~NeW ChEfs iN LiNe~

Maybe because they were bored, all my younger siblings (with no exceptional for my two brothers) were so keen to try out their cooking talent. Aizat came out with his secret recipe of fried beef that was surprisingly so nuymmy (though I did not dare to ask him what were the ingredients or how he cooked the beef). Aiman on the other hand mesmerised us with his finger licking good ayam masak merah. Arifah, well, she had tried so many recipes and she had done a splendid job in preparing them. As for me, I have been experimenting some new recipes myself. Today I came out with a salad dish that is a fusion of eastern and western style (ceh..bunyi cm gempak la konon..hehehe). Arifah accidentally boiled some potatoes (some? quite a lot jgk la sbnarnya) and we really have to do something with those potatoes. I couldn't turn them into mashed potatoes as there were no fresh milk left in the fridge so I decided to make some salad. How ironic! Given the fact that I do not eat most of the vegie, salad is always be the last thing in my menu lists. Anyway, with not so much stuff in the fridge (well, inadequate ingredients seems to be a wise excuse) I managed to prepare a salad dish and thank God, it tasted quite good *phew* My parents loved it and had asked me to do it again some time soon. Perhaps when my sister Farah (who happens to be a vegie lover) comes back. God, I cant wait for tomorrow. Aiman had promised me to cook something for lunch...though I better not seeing him while he is behind the stove. You can never imagine how normally not-cooking-guys managed to prepare their dish...well, given a second thought, I rephrase. You better not! Hahaha...No offense guys! Pen-off.

p/s: My makcik is coming and she is a superb cook! Cant wait for the 23rd to come.
p/p/s: Ayahndaku telah menitahkan kami semua untuk pulang ke Trg esok menjenguk nendaku..cant online for a few days..sob..sob..sob..

~ThE PerFecT FaCaDe~

they said I have a heart of steel
which enables me to endure the worst in life
they said I am blessed with a fairly quick brain
that is articulated in my speech and writing
they said I am very optimistic
that I could make do out of a situation and turn it to be the best
they said I have a lovely smile
that often brighten their days
they said I have my own style
that makes me one of a kind
but the truth is...
I am just an ordinary person
who is trying hard to stand tough
who at times stumble
who is still hampered by my past
who cries at night whenever I am alone
who struggles to live in everyday war
yes, I survived
but all my energy is depleted
whatever they said about me
might not reflect the truth
the perfect facade...

~ExacTLy a YeaR aGo...~

This entry is specially dedicated to my brother, sister, brother in- laws and sister in-laws.

Exactly a year ago, on the same date like today (with different year of course!) our house held a wedding ceremony to welcome two my new family members and to celebrate a new phase of life for both my sister and my brother. I could still feel the sheer of joys and still have the mental imagery of the dais. The dais was the most enchanted one that I have ever seen in my entire life. It was full of fresh flowers and trust me, very mesmerising. I wish I could have one like that if I were to get married one day (ceh..angan2 tak boley blah...calon pon xde).

Anyway, what I love most about the wedding is that two hearts (in this case four hearts) are united. The happiness of both the bride and the bridegroom are clearly mirrored on their face and the air is full of love. I don't know whether I would have a chance to meet someone, fall in love with that guy and finally married to him and live happily ever after. Those who have found theirs are so lucky and should count their blessing to God. I really don't know what to write actually. My initial plan was to just write a few lines and congrats both my brother and sister, together with their spouses for their first anniversary. Look what I have done here. Huhuhuh. Ayway, to abg & kak yana, farah & abg adam...

Happy 1st anniversary. May the days ahead begin with joy and end in serenity.

~I wiSh...~

........I didn't know about it
I wish people would let it buried
I wish I could wake up one morning
and not to think about it
I wish things were different
I wish I didn't write this stupid ballad at all
I don't know why
But I really wanna cry
I hope tomorrow
wont bring so much sorrow
perhaps this is my final song
for I know it is so wrong
to still write
even when hurt strikes

~BiLa KiTa..~

bila kita terpaksa memilih...
ada sesuatu yang telah beralih

~ThEre iS...~

....a Malay saying "sediakan payung sebelum hujan" or if you translate it "Get your umbrella ready before it rains". This saying either literally or figuratively teaches us to be prepared or get ready with all our means in encountering something (that is usually a bad thing). It's a monsoon season now and it'ss pouring everyday. Living in Kuantan, you can't really do much about it. You'll be stuck at home most of the time, do all the chores which at times can be boring. You'll be sweeping the floor four times per day (since there isn't much left to do), experimenting lots and lots of recipe (i think this is one of the reasons why the east coast people have variety of delicacies), watching telly *yawning*, and even willing to smack down your younger brother and sister just in order to get the modem and have the privilege of using the Internet (we had done this before...once! me, aizat and arifah).

Fortunately, I had bought few books before I went back to Kuantan. Ive spent almost RM300 on them but they worth the price. The list of the books is as follow:

1. The Malay Dilemma (Tun Dr Mahathir)
2. A Nation Before Self and Values that Do Not Die(Tan Sri Yuen Yuet Leng)
3. Travelog Dakawah: Meniti Hari Esok (Profesor Mohd Kamil Ibrahim)
4. Rahsia Kegemilangan Islam di China
5. Tuesday With Morrie (Mitch Albom)
6. For One More Day (Mitch Albom)
7. The Last Lecture (Randy Pausch)
8. If You Could See Me Now (Cecilia Ahern)
9. Where Rainbows End (Cecilia Ahern)
10. A Place Called Here (Cecilia Ahern)

If you notice, the first seven books concern more about life, issues and religion while the last three are attuned about love. Huhuh. I dont usually read love novels but one of my closest friends suggested that I read more love novel due to my lack of experience in handling love matters. Yes, I admit, he has his point there. Though I am talkative and laugh heaps, if you put a guy there, I'll be mute...unless if the guys is also a talkative person, so I would be more comfortable. Hahaha. So, peeps, what's new in your reading list? Care to share? Pen-off.

p/s: I strongly recommend For One More Day to all. It made me realise how great is our mother's love and how bad we are in treating them at times. Give it a try peeps!

~JusT HoW GooD is YoUr Trg VoCaB?~

Me and my sister went out yesterday to buy few stuff. Yes, Arifah loves to go out with me as she would ask me to buy her these and that (Right, Arifah? Do you wanna beg to differ now? Hahaha). Being a good sister (or trying to be a good one) I usually wouldn't mind purchasing her anything that she wanted, well...at least not until she's 17 and started asking me to buy her few expensive stuff, which I humbly admit that I myself did not own such things. But most of the time, I did buy those things for her. Talking about spoiling my youngest sister!

Anyway back to the topic, as we reached home, my dad, who happened to be a Terengganuease asked me "Gi kuane sariang?Doktong?" Well, as compared to my other siblings, I think my prowess in the Terengganu slang is the best (I used to attend a school in Terengganu for two years anyway). My mind would definitely have no problem to process the first few words..but DOKTONG? What the heck is that?

Me: "Doktong? Do they REALLY have such word, ayah? Tak pernah dengar pon"
Ayah: *Paused for a while...thinking* Guane dok pernoh dengar? I think it means gallivating"
Me: You think? Hehehehe..*trying hard not to burst out my laughter*

I think my even my dad's Terennganu's slang is deteriorating. That's why he would speak in his Terengganu slang with me every now and then...eventhough I can hardly remember all the words. They have sammah (50 cent) supik (plastic), kenge (a lembik person), kalam (pencil), etek (jugak/ too), saing (companion/ friends), kupik (stingy). How unique is that?

Well...I wont blame you if you think that Terengganu is a foreign country...coz I used to think the same before. Pen-off.

~The DaTukShiP~

Every now and then people kept talking about the Malacca decision to award Shah Rukh Khan (or should I put the Dato' title in front?) with datukship. Some agree, some wont bother but most of the people that I've met are beg to differ the decision. Well, I think it is a nature for most Malaysians to kept complaining about almost everything, and this issue, of course will not be excluded neither in the high class restaurant and in kedai kopi discussions or gossip forum. Hahaha. I personally was surprised when I first knew about it. But after giving it some thoughts, I think it can be considered as a wise thing to do. You see, by awarding the actor with datukship, we could actually promote our country to India. Sure Malaysia have a lot to offer to the tourists. Another thing concerns our economy as it would be easier for Malaysians to invest in India and for the Indians to invest in our country...well..it's my humble opinion though. You can just disagree with it. It wont be an issue to me.

Anyway, about two months ago, it was reported that the PM of Thailand had shoes and selipar jepun (God, the Thais also wear that selipar jepun!) thrown at him. I'm not sure whether or not the Malaysians would do the same to Shah Rukh Khan, (ok DATO Shah Rukh Khan) to express their disagreement. I hope they dont. But just in case any one has the urge, the temerity and the heart to throw shoes to this dato, please leave the selipar jepun for yourself...and I really mean it! Dont go to the lockup barefooted. If eggs are your weapon of choice, make sure that they are Grade A. Don't embarrassed our country. Sure we are not that so-low- class people, right? RIGHT? Hehehe... Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~Today, aS sHe WrITeS aBouT... ~

She could still remember her first day in IPBA. It was dated way back five years ago. On the 16th of June, 2003, with her red jubah and cream scarf, she reported herself as a student teacher there. It was one of the most difficult decision for her as she was teetering between her father's desire to further her study in a law course and her own passion to be a teacher. Finally, she rejected the scholarship offer to further her study in laws in UK and decided to chase for her dream, that is to be a teacher. Not just a teacher, but the great one and nevertheless to say, the one who educates people. Her decision of course, infused great disappointment to her dad and he decided to gave her silent treatment for the next three years. She knew that she had crushed her father's hope. She had been exposed to some law books ever since she was in form two and she was constantly being included in all the discussions, namely political issues, economics and current changes that took place at that time and their effects. However for once, just for once, she decided to follow her own dream. She was sad too but never regret upon making such decision. Even today as she writes, she still felt a bit guilty and sorry for her dad. Anyway, on that day, despite her guilty feeling, she lavished her smile to anyone she met and tried to hide her tears for disappointing her dad.

The first person that she talked to is Siti Normaisarah, who is also known as Iyce. It was in the registration room where as normal, she would get confused even for a simple matter. So, she decided to ask the person who was lining up in front of her about this and that. That person gave her an indifferent look, not interested until she finally introduced herself. "Saya Aziati, nama awak siapa?" Iyce looked surprise upon hearing her name. Then they had a chat. It was few days later she knew why Iyce suddenly changed when she heard her name. A week ago, Iyce claimed her as the most chirpy person she ever met (in a positive way of course). Hahaha. Thanks Iyce!

IPBA has witnessed a lot of things that had happened to her. It was the place when learned more about life, to trust or mistrust people, to have friends and foes, how she hardly survived in few unfortunate incidents in her life and how she learned to love and learned to not being selfish and let it go (she might write about it one day..perhaps). IPBA is also a place where she had gained a vast of knowledge from the greatest lecturers, who of course had put her in some mental tortured sessions with the excuse of having her and her course mates to think more critically about certain issues pertaining the education and life. She is still haunted with the Dr Lawrence words 'C'mon people, put on your thinking cap!". *wink* Everyday, she and her friends had to climbed up the 64 stairs just to go to the lectures while later be in the sauna (DKB) for the lectures since the air-cond were constantly not working. She had to endure the heat, not to mention the aroma therapy from the students which was usually more suffocating than calming. She brazen all these just to complete her foundation years, get herself accepted in one of the overseas university and come back with a degree...which alhamdulillah she DID it! She finally graduated with a 2nd class upper degree (0.5 more to get first class...hua!!!) and got merit for her practicum. She was offered by her lectures to teach in one of the boarding school but she still uncertain with her decision.

Yesterday, as she waved goodbye to all, she cried her heart out. She realised that she was blessed with such a wonderful house mates and friends who are never hesitate to be by her side whenever she needs them. It was not the first time she left IPBA for she had left it to further her study in Auckland before but yesterday, it was different altogether. She knew she would almost never gone back to IPBA. Yesterday, might be the last time she met some of them (if not all) or perhaps the last time they could ever see her. Things won't be the same anymore for change is constant. If only all her friends (especially her house mates) could hear her now she would smile and say 'Thank you girls. I love y' all!' She has already missed them terribly. Oh ya girls, the song below is specially dedicated to you ok. Pen-off.

Hanson -I will come to you.

When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear that I'll be there come what may

'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you, whoa
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand

~PosITiVeLy NeGaTiVE~

Looking back at the few posts lately, I realised that they are positively negative. I think it was quite obvious that people could just sense my wrath (or dissapointment?) in the last two posts. To those who are quite new here, I'm not exactly an emo person..i love to laugh alot and can be considered as a cheerful person (huhuhu... boley ke wat self proclamation like that? I wonder). But as a normal human being who wears some flaws, I just cannot fathom some injustice in life and I really cannot stand people who tend to take others and their feelings for granted. So dear readers before I put a full stop for this entry, here are something that I had discovered for the past few days:

Control yourself. Remember that ANGER is one letter short from DANGER. But if are willing to have an extra patience, you'll definately become an ANGEL.

If it's possible I really wanna be an angel myself. I apologise for all my mistakes and wrongdoings. Pen-off.

~whaT HaVe I DoNe?~

The title speaks for itself. I've done damages that has obviously cut people's heart. They don't deserve to be treated such way but eventually, I did hurt them...unintentionally and even without me realising it. God, I wish I could be more rational and sensitive.

Jaime
I know it's kinda childish to pen it down here but yeah..I guess it's me anyway. I owe you an apology. There was a miscommunication and I thought you didn't want to go out. I am truly sorry. I am!

To whom it may concern
It was not until today (or should I said just now?) that I learned that she took whatever happened amongst three of us as a competition and prided herself for winning it. I didn't know. Seriously I didn't. I thought you were truly happy with her (and I bet you still are). The way I see it, it has never been a competition. NEVER. I hope she understands that your heart is not something to be phunked about. It's to be appreciated and cherished. If only she could read this, I hope she would changed and be rest assured. You love her and that's it. I understand but somehow I feel guilty bits. God, what have I done here? I let it go because I thought it was for the best. I saw the pictures and I still remembered what you have written on your blog "I met someone whom I want to spend the rest of my life with...but the past kept hunting me". I've kept my promise, haven't I? Nevermind, as long as you are happy now..so i guess, it just something that we all should forget. Just follow the flow, they said. Let by gone be by gone...I almost made it...until today. *sigh* You 've found what you have been looking for and alhamdulillah, I realised what makes me content most...my KHALIQ's love. I embraced my destiny and prayed for your happiness. ALLAH knows best. Pen-off.

~SoMe RaMbLiNgs~

Personally, I am perpetually perplexed by few people who love to assume things without even bother to find out the truth themselves. It wont bug me much if they choose to keep their assumptions just for themselves but it is really annoying when those people start to talk to others about it and later whoa...the whole world knows about it. It's all begin with a plain assumption that so and so do this and that *sigh*

"Buatlah sesuka hati, tapi ingat, kamu akan MATI"

No offense ya but to all haters out there...GET A LIFE!

Pen-off.

~waTcha ThiNkIng..a sELf RefLecTiON~

One of my rommies asked me to change my ringtone today. At the present, my ringtone is the Andra and The Backbone's hittest "Sempurna". She could barely stand the song anymore as she 'kept humming the lagu bodoh tu' (as quoted directly from her). Well, for those who have no idea what the song is all about, lets have a peek on the lyrics:

Sempurna (Andra and The Backbone)

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Amacam best tak lirik ni? Well, hold your opinion first and try to take a closer look at the lyrics again.

Sempurna (The edited version)

KAU begitu sempurna
Dimataku KAU begitu indah
KAU membuat diriku akan slalu memuja-Mu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan diri-Mu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cinta-Mu

Janganlah KAU tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersama-Mu ku akan bisa

KAU adalah darahku
KAU adalah jantungku
KAU adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, KAU begitu
Sempurna.. Sempurna..

KAU genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
KAU bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

So, what do you think?Nampak bodoh lagi tak lagu tu or have you readers changed your mind? Lagu tu yang bodoh or are we the one yang sometimes agak jahil dan being too biased?Pernah dengar tak lagu Sandaran Hati by Letto? That song is actually a 'nasyid' (seriously!) but see how people manipulate it to their life accordingly? It's a wonder to see how our minds process the SAME information from the SAME source DIFFERENTly. When I first heard the song (Sempurna), I immediately like it, not because it reminds me of someone (oh how bodoh does it sound?) but more likely, it reminds me of my KHALIQ. Salah ke if I love the song? Okay la, maybe i'm not an ustazah or a mufti to draw a clear cut line of what is right and what is not, but whatever reminds me of my KHALIQ, I would definitely love it...er...even when others choose to think differently. Tapi I wont lie, it hurts when people choose to labeled what we love as 'stupid' or yang sewaktu dengannya. Uiks sensitif plak hari ni.Hahahaha. So readers, what do you think? Before I end this entry I love to share a saying that I heard before (Sorry, I cant remember the source). But it goes something like this:

Tugas seorang Daie ialah mengajak manusia ke jalan ALLAH , bukan untuk menghukum.

Think about it peeps. Pen-off.

~aLHaMduLiLLaH...TerIMa KaSiH~

(saya pun tak tahu kenapa saya memilih untuk menulis entry ini, dan sebagai seorang yang sentiasa blur, saya pun masih tercari-cari sebab mengapa pada kali ini saya memilih untuk menulis dalam bahasa Melayu. Takpe la kan, ni kan blog saya, jadi, secara logiknya saya tak perlu menjelaskan pape kepada korang kan?..heheheh)

Pada entry ini saya ingin berkongsi satu cerita yang agak menarik bagi saya. (Ok, saya terpaksa menggunakan perkataan entry sebab saya tak pasti perkataan yang sesuai untuk menggantikan entry dalam bahasa Melayu...alamak cam poyo plak cakap camni). Anyway, berbalik kepada cerita tadi. Cerita ini tentang diri saya dan satu cabaran. Satu cabaran yang merubah hidup saya. Satu cabaran yang menjadikan saya lebih teruja untuk bertemu dengan kekasih saya. Satu cabaran yang mengajar saya tentang erti sebuah cinta. Satu cabaran yang mendamaikan dan menenangkan hati saya yang selama ini memang selalu tak tenang. Satu cabaran yang korang pun boleh guna untuk mencabar kawan, adik, kakak, abang, suami, isteri, mak mentua, pak mentua...pendek kata sape-sape la yang korang terasa nak cabar. Yang best tentang cabaran ni, bukan jek inshallah korang akan menang, orang yang korang cabar tu pun akan menang jugak. It's a win-win situation. Dan saya cam boley jamin jugak (inshallah) orang yang korang nak cabar tu takkan pelekung, or kenekan korang balik (inshallah jgk). So, inilah masanya korang nak mengenakan sesape yang korang dh lama nak kenakan...ye tak? Confused eh? heheheh. So, korang yang ader semangat inkuiri yang tinggi mesti cam teruja kan nak tahu ape la agaknya cabaran yang cmbest sgt tu? cabarannya ialah... Jeng..jeng..jeng..ala, takkan la nak cakap kat sini terus kan, so korang kne read further kalo nak tau pasal cabaran tu. Ok, pada korang yang rasa bende ni cam mengarut dan buang masa, xpe la, tak yah bace pun takpe, tak rugi ape2 pun. Korang boleh skip entry ni.

So kisah dier camni, ada seseorang yang telah meminta saya untuk menghafal surah Al-Baqarah sebagai syarat untuk sesuatu. Yer, surah Al-Baqarah yang 286 ayat tu yang merangkap surah terpanjang dalam Quran. Walaupun secara awalnya dia bukan mencabar saya untuk menghfal, tapi mungkin sebab permintaannya yang agak unik tu membuatkan saya rasa agak tercabar (read: postively tercabar ok). Nak dijadikan cerita pulak, anak dara ketiga En. Aziz ni memang la agak pantang dicabar, so, dengan sepenuh jiwa dan raga dan lagak confidentya saya menyahut cabaran tersebut. Pada waktu tu, entah kenapa saya dengan mudahnya menerima 'cabaran' tersebut. Langsung tak terfikir yang surah tu sangat panjang (berpeluh) dan setiap ayat dalam surah tu pun boleh tahan jugak panjangnya (berpeluh lagi banyak...huhuhu).

Pada hari yang sama, right after solat maghrib, saya terus capai Quran dan baca surah al-Baqarah. Yang first 6 ayat tu inshallah, rasa-rasanya ramai yang x ade masalah kn nk baca. Ramai jugak kan antara korang yang siap hafal makna-makna ayat tersebut. Masuk jek muka surat yang kedua dan ketiga...fuh..tu dia..baru la terhentak ke realiti jugak. Panjang woo ayat-ayat dia..So saya pun try la hafal jugak (sebab dh macam tercabar kan). Hafal jek, tak tengok makna pun. So bila dah dua hari, saya rasa susah hati pulak. Tak banyak yang saya dapat hafal. Dah la tu, makna nya pun saya tak faham sangat. Fikir punya fikir, saya ambil keputusan nak tukar cara hafalan saya. Kali ni saya pastikan setiap ayat yang saya hafal tu, saya tahu maknanya sekali. Memang susah memula tu. Hampir jugak give up. Banyak hari dah berlalu tapi sikit jek yang saya dapat hafal. Tapi saya kuatkan jugak semangat. Saya sedar something was wrong somewhere. Bila check balik diri, baru sedar niat saya untuk menghafal ni. Saya hafal sebab syarat untuk mendapatkan sesuatu. Masa tu, saya rasa malu sangat pada ALLAH, pada diri saya, pada semua makhluk yang ada kat dunia ni. Orang lain berusaha hafal Quran sebab nak dapatkan keredhaan ALLAH..tapi saya....hm..entahlah. Sepanjang malam saya tak boleh tidur. Menangis jek.

So, sebab dah tak boleh tidur, saya terus bangun, dirikan solat Taubat..betul-betul doa mintak ampun kat ALLAH. Then saya rasa tenang sangat. Saya capai Quran, tengok balik surah tu. Saya start baca perlahan-lahan. Saya check makna nya sekali. Saya bertekad untuk tetap teruskan jugak 'cabaran' tersebut. Tapi kali ni, bukan sebab inginkan sesuatu, tetapi cukup untuk mencabar diri saya sendiri dan mengharap semoga amalan yang kecil ini ALLAH terima. Saya harap Rasulullah tak akan malu untuk mengaku saya sebagai umatnya. Jadi setiap kali ada masa yang terluang, saya akan cuba untuk hafal dan fahami makna setiap ayat tersebut. Makin lama makin seronok pulak. Makin baca makin banyak benda yang saya belajar dan discover. Selama lebih kurang nak 20tahun jugak baca Quran, saya tak pernah terfikir pun sebelum ni kenapa ALLAH bilangan surah untuk setiap golongan yang ALLAH ceritakan pada permulaan surah tu berbeza-beza. Pastu, banyak lagi ayat-ayat yang menarik hati saya dan membuatkan saya lebih berfikir tentang beberapa perkara. Oh..sungguh ayat-ayat cinta! Pernah tak korang alami benda-benda camni?hm~bunyi cam hape plak..muahahaha.

Anyway, kejadian ni sedikit sebanyak mengubah cara hidup saya. Pertama, cam yang saya dah cakap tadi, saya belajar untuk bermuhasabah dan berfikir dengan lebih baik (not that I didnt think or reflect before, but rather, more deeply than before). Kedua, saya lebih berhati-hati dengan tindak tanduk saya sebagai seorang muslimah. Permakanan, aktiviti, cara saya mengurus masa..semuanya saya try untuk jaga elok-elok. Teringat saya satu kata-kata yang lebey kurang camni la maksudnya (maaf, saya x ingat hadis ke, kata-kata ke..sapa2 yang tahu tlg bgtau ek) 'ilmu itu nur, dan nur hanya dapat menerangi hati orang yang tidak melakukan maksiat'.So, saya tak nak la kalo saya mensia-siakan hafalan saya ni. Jadual harian pun dah tukar jugak. Saya cuba pastikan setiap kali lepas waktu solat, saya akan try hafal dan tadabbur balik ayat-ayat yang saya dah hafal. Bermula dengan satu cabaran, saya mendapat satu ketenangan. Sekarang ni saya dah tak kisah sangat kalo saya dapat atau tidak apa yang saya hajatkan tu sebab saya dah terjumpa sesuatu yang lebih berharga dari itu. Inshallah. Saya tak pasti kenapa orang tu letakkan syarat surah Al-Baqarah pada permulaannya. Mungkin dia hanya nak uji saya, mungkin jugak dia nak saya menjadi insan yang lebih baik..wallahu'alam. Tapi walau apa pun alasan dia, saya sangat bersyukur kepada ALLAH kerana insan tersebut telah menjadi asbab kepada saya untuk melangkah setapak mebaiki kelemahan diri. Terima kasih ya ALLAH kerana menggerakkan hatinya meletakkan syarat begitu dan membuat ku berubah. Dan kepada dia, saya juga tidak tahu bagaimana mahu memanjangkan ucapan terima kasih saya kepada dia. Semoga ada orang yang dapat menyampaikan kepadanya atau perhaps, dia terbaca juga tulisan saya ini. Takpe la. Tak kisahlah. So readers, korang pun nak tak mencabar orang cmni jgk? Mungkin cabaran korang tu dapat membantu orang lain untuk discover sth good jgk....or mungkin korang sendiri yang nak mencabar diri korang sendiri? Nak try? Pen-off.

~Yes..I'm WeaRiNg HiJab..so?~

Why do people tend to think that if you are wearing hijab, you cant speak English well or you dont have enough money to buy something? Hello? Sadly, some of the muslim also have that silly mindset. Rather than supporting women who are trying to uphold the Islamic teachings, some people attune to discriminate those who wear hijab as the former. Those women are condemned, labelled and being denied to even have a chance to prove themselves to the public. Today, I have a full blast of this prejudice. I walked into a shop with the intention of purchasing a present for my elder sister. Being hip and funky as she is, I decided to buy something that would suit her character, a ******* handbag (i really can't write what the brand is, or else you might know which shop i went to). I scouted around to the shop and finally spot a very trendy, funky handbag that I bet my sister would love it. However, as I were about to call the sale assistant there, I accidentally heard them 'gossiping' about me in English (as if i cant understand them la kan). Among other things that they said are I just walk around and wont buy anything cause I dont have money and 'nevermind, she cant understand us cause she's wearing tudung' (really? then, should I write this entry in Arabic instead?) . They were even show their prowess in English by using word as 'purchase' instead of 'buy' when gossiping about me. *smirking*. I was in rage at first and almost walked out from the shop when suddenly I a nasty and an obviously- not-so - good idea crept in. If I were to walk out from the shop just like that, I might be a fitnah for my religion. I had such I cant just let them confirm that their theory that 'hijab women are penniless and cant speak English well' is correct. Period! So, I looked at them and said 'you girls sure have fun mocking me around, hey, why dont one of you attend that lady (pointed to a lady) I bet, she loves it'. I took a few steps and turned back 'By the way, such attitude of yours is very imprudent. I'll make sure that your manager learns about it by tomorrow!' I gave them my sweetest smile and walked out from the shop. There, if you could see the girls, I'm sure you'll be laughing to see her gawking face. Ok, i know, tak baik ketawakan orang.

Looking back at the incidents, I couldnt help but to highlight some essential points (DO correct me if I were wrong). First and foremost, we, muslim women should not be ashamed and scared to wear hijab or to cover our 'aurat' properly. Be proud of yourselves! We have a bigger responsibility to perform our best as to shrug off all the negative connotations that are usually associated with the hijab women. What I dont appreciate though is how differently others treat you once you are in hijab. Many assume I dont speak English. Some shops hardly see me as a customer. Many workforce assumed that women in hijab is not credible for certain posts especially that largely concern with public relationship matters. *sigh* Since when does one's decision to wear hijab is a benchmark of her performance? Yes, we choose to wear hijab. We know that we are uniquely different, but not weirdly different for sure. So to all the muslimah out there, do not succumb to the pressure of others for HIS rewards is already there for us, inshallah.

Next, as much as we dont want others to discriminate us for wearing hijab, we ourselves should refrain any intention or action of doing the same to those who arent wearing hijab. I have few friends who arent wearing hijab. They often complaining that they receive the similar treatment ( i mean the discriminations) from others. They were perceived as care-free people who do not know how to perform their prayers, let alone reciting the Holy Quran. So I think it is a good time for us to stop and reflect over our actions and experience.

Before I stop, I love to make myself clear to some people who tend to have such discrimination over women in hijab. If you think that it is uncool to wear hijab, think again. It is way more uncool to being burn in the hell for not wearing hijab. Pen-off.

p/s: Farah if you are reading this (well I hope you are), please be informed that I didnt buy you the handbag. I'll try to get something else for you ya, inshallah. (ni alasan sbb tak beli hadiah ni..muahahaha)

~aNTaRa MiMpi DaN ReaLiTi~

jika kita takut untuk bermimpi
kita takkan tega melakar realiti
namun, mengapa memilih untuk lena
bila mimpi ada di depan mata?

~DuNia dh Nak KiaMaT...Iye Ke?~

Me and my tall, dark and handsome brother, Aizat went to Teluk Cempedak today (see Aizat, what a good sister I am to describe you in such manner!). Aizat gian nak berenang and as for me, I love to wander aimlessly along the beach. There were sea of faces on the beach so we had to find a remote area as I do not fancy the attitudes of some couples that I think are very much collided with our eastern culture, let alone the Islamic teachings. So, after jogging and walking for quite a some time, I decided to sit onto a large rock and waited for Aizat. There were still few couples at the areas. They were holding hands, sat so close to one another, main dukung2 and kejar2 (God, i really hope that these people are married!). There were no sign that Aizat wanted to go back that early. Mind you, this brother of mine needs at least 30 minutes whenever he is in the water. So, there I was, waiting for him and watching him as if I were his nanny. While waiting, my mind wandered to the Tsunami tragedy that happens few years ago. Macam mana kalau tiba-tiba Tsunami tu datang melanda while me and Aizat were here? Dah bersedia ke aku nak bertemu dengan- Nya? Dah cukup ke aku berbakti pada mak ayah? Dah mintak maaf dengan semua orang? Such thought filled me with shiver. I quickly istighfar and recited some verse from Surah Al-Baqarah. Suddenly, there was a dead silence. My ears could only process the sound of the wave and the chirping birds. Alamak, ade Tsunami ke? Panic! I quickly looked up to see what happened. All the eyes were fixed on me. The nearest couple that few minutes ago sat quite close to me stood up and walked away. Then the guy said "Yang, dunia dah nak kiamat la...ader orang pergi pantai baca Quran". The girl giggled non-stop and laughed out loud. 'La, pelik ke tengok orang mengaji dekat pantai?' Terdetik hatiku. Then there was another girl who said to her guy (dont ask me whether they are married or not cause I really don't know) "honey, you tengok, ni la calon orang yang nak kawen dengan ustaz". The guy replied "kawen dengan ustaz xpe, kalo dier pergi bom pantai ni macam kat Bali, lagi la..haru kite" Tuhan, hatiku benar-benar tersentuh. Kenapa orang Islam sendiri felt weird when they see other muslims reciting the Quran? Is it because I recite the Holy verse at the beach? Da~ Tolong la. Takkan la kene baca Quran dekat masjid je kot? Pelik jugak. Ada mazhab yang menggariskan peraturan camtu ke? Macam tak kena jek. *scratching my head* Hm..dunia nak kiamat bila ada orang baca Quran dekat pantai? Hehehehe..sengih je la. So readers, pasni cuba try baca Quran kat pantai. You might encounter some interesting experience too..who knows? Try it today and dont forget to pen down the experience ya! *smirking* Pen-off.

~aNTaRa AgaMa DaN NeGaRa~

Ok, lets face it for real. Blogging is bloody addictive and self indulgent. I just posted a new entry less than four hours ago, yet, here I am, typing for a new one. Whatever happens to my self proclaimed that I am not an avid blogger? *sigh* Nah, lets shrug it off for a while. As I've promised you reader in the last entry, I would write something about my BTN. To those who had hoped for my crazy experience of BTN (not to mention embaressing as usual), I'm so sorry for I have to crush it now. And to those who wished for a pleasure reading, you may want to skip this entry for what I am going to write next is a serious matter. Nevertheless, I DO hope, you might read this entry somehow.

Ok, tengok tajuk pun dah bunyi macam serius kan? Antara agama dan negara. Well, all my siblings including my sister in laws had warned me prerequisite the BTN that I should do less talking and of course, put down my debating skills for a while. They meant well actually. You see, I am kind of person who loves to talk and at times, debating with others especially when the topics concern my principles and beliefs. Such attitudes, they afraid, might put me in 'danger' as I could be very into the 'discussion' and as usual, it might turn out to be the heated ones! So, being an obedient sister, I had tried my best to remain silent (read: silent here means not to talk more than 5 minutes per speech) and listen more. Well, who knows that less talking would put me in a GREAT DANGER as well!!!! Sob..Sob..Sob..To illustrate the event, here is an excerpt of what had happened. Isunya? 'Antara agama dan negara, mana yang lebih penting?'

N= My facilitator
A= Me

N: Ok, saya setuju dengan pandangan kamu semua ya. Tapi saya ingin mendengar pandangan aziati pulak. Aziati ni pendiam pulak dia yer. (When he said this, I swear I could see all my group members were trying their best to contain themselves. Knowing me, they know the last description that people would label me is 'pendiam') So apa pandangan aziati? Mana yang lebih penting?

A: (Chuckle bits..alamak soalan maut plak dier kasi kt aku) Erm, antara agama dan negara, bagi saya yang lebih penting ialah agama. Agama merupakan satu pegangan yang dapat membentuk pemikiran dan peribadi. Secara ringkasnya, agama saya, Islam, mengajar saya untuk mencintai negara. Ada hadis yang menyatakan 'hubbul watani minal iman' yang bermaksud 'mencintai negara itu sebahagian daripada iman' . Jadi, kerana saya yakin dengan ajaran Islam, saya secara tidak langsung, turut mencintai negara saya. (ok, i knew it was more than 5 mins already)

N: Maksud aziati, kalo kena memilih, aziati akan pilih agama dahulu,bukan negara?

A: yer..cmtu la

N: Ok, cuba aziati fikir, tanpa sebuah negara, dapat tak aziati amalkan ajaran Islam? Dapat tak Islam itu berkembang?

A: Kenapa tidak?

N: Cuba aziati lihat banyak je negara- negara yang ditindas tidak dapat mengamalkan ajaran Islam. Kosovo, Bosnia dan Iraq.Islam kat situ pun tak berkembang langsung. Orang sibuk perang, bunuh umat Islam. Sedangkan Rasulullah S.A.W pun perlu berhijarah ke Madinah untuk mengembangkan Islam. Nampak tak negara yang lebih penting? So, setuju atau tidak jika saya katakan negara lebih penting daripada agama...walaupun kedua-duanya penting.

diam...pada waktu ni all eyes were fixed at me. Deep down inside, I knew some of us disagree, but they remained silence. Even the two people whom I really hoped to help me wont say anything. They were muted. Speechless? I dont know. Afraid that whatever they said might fail them for the BTN? Perhaps so.

A: Maaf tuan, saya kurang bersetuju. Saya tetap rasa agama lebih penting. Jika kita lihat kembali sejarah Islam, ketika Rasulullah berdakwah secara sembunyi di Mekah, umat Islam masih boleh mengamalkan ajaran Islam, walau tidak sepenuhnya dan kesannya, kita dapat lihat bagaimana ajaran Islam itu berkembang sehingga ke Madinah. Perkembangan inilah yang merintis jalan kepada penubuhan negara Islam yang pertama iaitu Madinah. Kerana akidah yang kuat, umat Islam dapat membentuk sebuah negara dan seterusnya mempertahankan dan memakmurkan negara tersebut daripada pelbagai ancaman. Jadi di sini, walaupun tanpa sebuah negara, umat Islam masih dapat mengamalkan ajaran Islam dan Islam terus berkembang walaupun tidak sepesat jika kita memiliki sebuah negara yang aman. Bagi saya, memiliki sebuah negara yang merdeka merupakan satu bonus. Memang benar, di beberapa buah negara yang dilanda peperangan, umat Islam tidak bebas dan ditindas, tapi adakah mereka tidak dapat langsung mengamalkan Islam? Saya rasa tidak. Islam merangkumi semua tatacara hidup. Jadi saya tetap merasakan agama lebih penting dari negara. (of course, i exceeded 5 mins again!)

There I have said it. Loud and clear. I could see that my facilitator was not happy at all with my answers. He even gave me 5 mins to rethink about my decision and yet, I chose to stay with my beliefs. Others might not want to express their disagreement but I thought (and still think) that I have to reveal the truth. Especially, when there were non Muslim amongst the audience. Up to this point, I still uncertain whether my action to speak up my mind is right or not. I remembered one of the Imam Hassan Al-Bana's advices that we muslim should not dispute about our religion and it is wiser to avoid any debate regarding 'furuk (remeh temeh) matters. I know I might fail my BTN and of course, it would be difficult for me to get 'pengesahan jawatan' soon but do I regret it? No, not at all. How about you readers? Would you choose to speak up if u were me? Would you jump at the second chance that he gave you and change your mind about what you said? Something that you want to ponder about. Pen-off.

~aFTer a WhILe..~

I really miss my blog!

So much things are happening and unfortunately, I had no chance to pour them on my blog. Had to attend the pesta pantun and few other courses including the scary, notorious BTN ( i might have to repeat my BTN though!). well, as the saying goes 'Berkhidmat untuk negara'. hehehe. So, for this entry i love to share some snapshots of what had happened to me in two significant events, namely the pesta pantun and the BTN. Snapshots would do la ek...coz byk sgt plak nnt..sume pn akan jd bosan.

Pesta Pantun.
1. I had gone a lot of difficulties revealing my real age. Most of the contestants and even the lecturers wont believe me when I said I am 23 years old, not 19 as most of them thought so.
2. Most of them wont believe me when I said that that was the first time I ever berpantun again after my form five. Cause I can use the words 'marhain' 'adiwangsa' 'kirana' and so on..which sadly to say, most of the people do not know its meaning. Come on, Malays..learn your language!!
3. Since i kept using the archive language, some of the judges, sadly from IBMM thought i made up those words..tsk tsk tsk. Ade ke patut?
4. Had to face the harsh of the competition whereby people sabotage you for the sake of winning. Better not to write it here. It was so unethical,horrible, immature and unprofessional. I was so sad to witness and experience them myself...and they still claimed themselves as lecturers and future teachers? Ha, dont make me laugh people!!
5. Some of the judges didnt even know that all the pemantun are allowed to walk while delivering their pantun. The chief judge even said it is 'gaya yang keterlaluan' Da~ reti ke tidak peraturan?

Encounter 1
A : Eh awk ni pemantun kisas kan? Yang dulu wakil RTM dengan RTB? Saya tengok awk berpantun tu pun saya dah perasan.
B: (terkejut) Er..yup. Macam mana encik tahu?
A: Ala, saya ingat la awak. Suara awak tu pun saya boleh cam. Lagipun bukan selalu tengok peserta terjatuh atas pentas. *Smirking*
B: (Ches!!!bengong!!) Hehehe..betul2. Jadi, menjadi jugak la yer gimik saya dulu. Sampai sekarang orang igt.*Blushing*

Encounter 2
Aziati : Eh laily, cube ko tgk abg yg kt bwh tu..aku rasa cm pernah tengok jek dier..tapi tak igt la.
Sape ek? Abg KPLI ke? Ke senior kite?
Laily : Wei Aziati, ko buat lawak ke hape ni? Tu Elly Iskandar la.
Aziati : Padan la cm pernah tengok!!
I bet Elly Iskandar heard us cause he was trying hard not to laugh out loud and cynically said
"Kat rumah xde tv ke dik?" Uiks, pedas tuh!

Alamak, cam malas pulak nak pen down what had happened in the BTN, tapi x pe la, i write them in the next entry. Inshallah. So peeps, have a nice day. Be good!!

~JusT for You.. Mum~

I know she was scared. She clasped her hands tightly and her legs were shaking non-stopped. I wished I could say something, anything to soothe her and made her felt better. At this point of time, the only thing that I could do was to hug her. Her body was shaking lightly. "Sejuk" she said. An excuse that we both knew to cover the truth. She was scared, so was I. She had always trying her best to avoid coming to the doctor, but today, she was left with no other choices for she had an appointment. I glanced at her again, tried to envision my life without her. No, I couldn't. She means the world to me. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I shooed away all the negative thoughts and sighed. She, perhaps mistook my sighed as bored and suggested me to go to a cafe downstairs. I said nothing and smiled to her.
"I'm glad that you came here with me today" She whispered and broke the silence.
"I'm glad that you're my mother". I replied.
"Thank you"
I was startled. How could she thank me when she is my mother? God.
"Mane ade mak cakap terima kasih kat anak. Anak yang selalu kene cakap terima kasih kat mak. Mak ni..nk buat drama swasta plak" I joked.
She looked at me and smiled. God, it took every ounce of my courage to hold back my tears. Who would imagine that one day I received a call and being informed that my mum was warded. She had never been hospitalized before (apart from giving birth to all her six children of course!). I rushed back home as soon as I could, just to make sure that I was there by her side, and there I was for the past few days. God, please let her to be all right. I love her and will always love her. She is the most special lady in my life. Life without her, is just like a rainbow without its colours. I missed her already. I wished I am still in Kuantan. Pen-off.

~SIrIH sUdaH PuLaNg KeGaGanG~

Sirih sudah pulang ke gangang
aziati aziz membuka gelanggang....

The last time i had really involved and recited my pantun was back when i was in form five. God, i've almost forgotten the nerve wrecking feeling of coming out with a reply in less than one minute, the demure and the air that a pemantun possessed and the beauty of the words arranged in delievering your intentions...how i missed them all. Anyway, i am given another opportunity to experience them again next week, inshallah. Yes, im going to represent IPBA next week in a pesta pantun entitled Sirih Berlipat Pinang Berkacip. I hope i wont embarrassed myself and my other teammates in front of the crowd. My skills are very rusty now, so does my vocabulary, given the 5 years not berpantun with anyone. Hm.. there were so much to revise and to improve in a short time. Im nervously excited! Pen-off.

~InTerLudE~

My poor blog, I have neglected you. I'm afraid time is a luxury which I don't have at the moment. To keep you readers happy, I have here a cop-out entry : the song that is playing in my head at the moment ever since i drove to my brother's house last week .

Bila Terasa Rindu (Dafi)

Apa agaknya khabarmu disana
Disiniku sedang dibelenggu rindu
Beginikah rasa siksa perpisahan

Sungguh anehnya hidup berasingan
Hati merasa bagai tertinggal disitu
Meskipun ku puja jauh beribu batu
Sesaat seperti setahun lamanya
Semasa kau tiada apa yang terdaya

Bila terasa rindu
Kusebut namamu
Dengan harapan
Kaukan muncul dalam tidur

Bila terasa rindu kubayang wajahmu
Dalam angan dan baru daku terasa bagai disembuh

ooo jauh sekali hidup disini berbeza
Beribu kali lagi kuselesa disana
Tak sabar menanti detik kepulangan
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Bekalan andainya hari sukar mencabar .. oooooo

Too much? A bit..i guess. but chill, just dont infused your thought with the notion that i'm in love with someone okay cause it's so not true afterall. Well.. at least, not yet at the moment. Actually this song reminds me a lot about Auckland. You know how music can bring you to a certain place ? This song delievers a perfect refelction of my feeling at the moment. I miss Auckland.

I remember Auckland not as a physical entity, but as a landscape of emotions. The truth is I find it hard to recall the names of places and streets and where they would be charted on any map that your hands can lay on to. But trust me, I do remember the first time I set my foot over there, and the following days, months and year: all the struggle, the pain, the laughter, the tears,the happiness, the heartbroken episodes...God, I could still envision myself over there, how strong i used to be and how fragile i was at times. I love to return to Auckland one day, but not in the near future. Once there, i cant wait to retrace my steps and see how far i've come. Pen-off.

~YaNG TerInDaH~

aku pasrah
aku mengalah
tiada lagi resah
tiada lagi lelah
ketentuan-Mu ya ALLAH
adalah anugerah yang terindah
dan aku hanyalah
seorang hamba yang lemah

~FoR oNe MoRe DaY~

Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

If you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And even if you did, would you be big enough to stand it? Cherish those around you and never once take them for granted. You would never know when they would leave you or perhaps...when you are going to leave them. Pen-off.

~I dont know why~

despite what had and have happened...
con ogni respiro che prendo...
i pray for you. Pen-off.

~FLasH BacK anD FasT ForWaRd~

Too many things are happening these days that sometimes I hardly notice everything that revolves around me. Of course, I have done my best to be more sensitive with my surrounding, but at times, I failed to stay alert on few important deets. It is a wonder how time flies these days. Between the present and the past, the past and the future, there are always some memories that come back to life. Life can be very rewarding and punishing me at the same time. While I am trying to live life the fullest and breath in every single moment of it, I still hate it when life is playing me. Astaghfirullah. I shouldnt say that, should I?Surely ALLAH knows best and we humans, know not. Pen-off.

~yeAh...whaTever~

i wish people could be more concern about the value of their apologies. Bear that in mind that when you apologise to someone by mouthing the magic word 'sorry' please do not take it lightly. Dont just simply mouth your 'sorry' without any intention not to repeat whatever you are sorry for again. You wronged people (or perhaps ruined them?) and isnt the least that you could do to remedy the damage is by apologising and really mean it with all your heart? And please, dont forget to reflect on whatever that you have done. Muhasabah sikit ok. Kita semua akan dipertanggunjawabkan dengan semua amalan kita, baik atau buruk di akhirat kelak. Bear that in mind. Another thing that needs to be highlighted here is when you do something that your know would irk or humiliate someone and you know beforehand that that particular person/ people do not like whatever you are doing. God, i found this action is totally imprudent and unacceptable. Need me to illustrate it further? sorry, i'm not in a mood for any elaboration and very much mortified with certain people who think that mouthing their cheap 'sorry' alone would bring everything back to normal. Oh please! Dey, put some senses in your mind, and dont be so selfish and insensitve. Dont ruin people trust upon you cause you might earn it back. Whatever happens on the sense of respecting others that was infused in you when you are younger? *sigh* Pen-off.

~WheN We wEre sTucK iN The HigHwaY~

It was an older post actually.With the Internet connection that is so slow and my schedule that was ridiculously packed lately I couldnt post this entry earlier.

I was stuck on the highway for about nine hours last night. Usually the journey from Kuantan-KL will only take about 31/2 hours (or 2++ when my bros are driving). Nine hours being immobile on the highway was quite torturing. There were too many cars either on the road or by the roadside. All the R&R along the highway was packed and all the gas station were closed as they were running out of fuel. Can you imagine how crazy and chaotic it was last nite?Initially, I was planning to skip the Monday session of my post practicum briefing but due to several reasons, i had to forget my former intention. As a result, I had to ditch abe's car together with nuyu and muabarak (oh, he asked me to call him Amad now) and had my first time experience ever of being stuck in the highway. I used to be quite closed with abe and amad when I was small but as we grow more matured (trying to avoid the word OLDer here.. hahaha) the bond i somehow become loose and finally we ended up not talking to one another at all. Of course I still chat with Nuyu for she is female though. I dont know why, perhaps because all of us has grown to be more shy and reserved? No? Back to the former issue what did we do to kill our time and boredom on the highway? Can you guess?

1. Strengthen the bond. We kept on chatting and updates about one another.
2. Reminiscence the old memories. God, they still remember how boyish and fierce I was back then. Mandi sungai, tangkap ikan or etot2*. How i burned their tee while playing the firecrackers and threw some of the crackers on the top of my tok's roof. I was reprimanded for that of course but i could not believe that abe still remembers that. Well, i did try to hide myself while they were talking about me. I swear I could feel that face was getting very hot! HAHHAA...
3. Exchanging ideas on some serious issues that concern our country.
4. Breath in the open air because we had to roll down the mirror for fear we might be the next car yang tersadai kat tepi highway. It was a cold night anyway and I for sure could endure the journey without the aircond.
5. Amad was flirting with the tol girl and asking for a discount since the highway was jammed. Highway isnt supposed to be jammed right?. Hahahah...she was cute anyway. The road was sooooo congested that we could not move further even after paying manually the tol. Same thing happened for the SMART Tag and TnG users. They can just touch the card but not going further.*smirking*
6. Enduring Amad and abe's live performance which at times could be very hilarious.
7. Examining other road users. Some even had a chat with the drivers of the the next car. Memang suasana hari raya btol. Hahaha
8. Trying hard to persuade abe, amad and nuyu that i am still single and do not have any sort of relationship with any guy. I cant understand why they couldnt believe me.
9. Menghabiskan stok2 makanan dalam kereta.
10. Play some tricks and riddles. Kadang2 tu memang ntahape2 but we laughed a lot jgk. Even abe who was driving warned us not to laugh much for fear we might want to go to the toilet.
11. Exchanging some ghost stories
12. Some tazkirah
13. Yawning over and over again.

Apart from the Genting Sempah stop, we really have no intention to pull over for a while. It was late and both abe and amad need to go for work tomorrow morning while me and nuyu attending our lectures and course. I had fun anyway. It was tiring of course but for sure the excitement worth it. So, hows your eid peeps? Pen-off.


*some sort of clams, i dont know what you call in neither in standard Malay or English..only can be found in Pulau Rusa river though i doubt the etot2 are still there. The river was badly polluted now. =(

~saTu pErMuLaAN~

satu ketentuan
satu jawapan
satu pengkahiran
dalam sebuah pencarian
Tuhan
berikan aku kekuatan
dalam sebuah keredhaan
untuk memulakan satu perjalanan
bagiku...ianya satu permulaan

alhamdulillah....

~EmpTyNeSs~

A life of flotsam and jetsam. I'm being washed back to shore, but my ship's sailed away. We had some scars that remind us not to wound ourselves any further. Maybe it was for the best after all. There were times when i succumbed to the pressure of life and cried my heart out. There were times when i really missed all the good times. Dear God, this is a time when courage is a rare commodity. I barely made my next step and almost see my strength shattered before my eyes. It hurts and it cuts me deeper that i could ever imagined. Dear God, lend me some courage for i am at my weakest point of life.

~TiS Eid..PaRT 2~

Here are some trivia of what had happened during eid.

1. cooked rendang for the very first time for my family and friends
2. recite some surah for those who have left me, for shah especially
3. had nasi minyak at cik pah's house
4. entertaining guests
5. get to know more about my neighbours which was quite an impossible mission at first since most of them packed my house at the same time. God, i just realised that there are only 4 Malay houses in my housing area...including ours! p/s: thanks to my students, i can now pronounce the Chinese names correctly!
6. attended shikin's open house
7. replying the non-stopped SMSes which my dad mistakenly thought they were from my bf.
8. snapped heaps of photos. with aiman and aizat are in the house, one could never guessed what is the zany thing that they would do next. the photos are funny and nice though!
9.off to bed early.

i know it sounds kinda dull and boring, which, no matter i am not willing to admit it, it was the former indeed. Ayah said we are going to have our Eid in Kuantan starting this year. I miss the eid that we used to had when i was small, be it in Terengganu or Perak. Should buy some firecrackers earlier. *Sad*

~TiS Eid..PaRT 1~

After a couple of years celebrating eid overseas, of course, i am looking forward for this eid to come, Finally, i have a chance to celebrate it with my family...plus with our new additional members, abg adam and kak yana (welcome to the family ya). So, along with the preparation for eid, in the spirit of making it a blast one this year, me, my brothers, aiman and aizat and my lil sis arifah (ok, not so little la, she's 17) went out to do last minute shopping for the event. Aiman and Aizat were looking for their songkok (i insist on them to get one, since i havent seen them wearing it for like forever!), of course, with me sponsoring my money for their songkok (see, what a guddy sis i am..hehehe). While they were scouting here and there for their songkok, arifah dragged me to some shops, buying her new tudung, facial wash, sandals...bla bla bla..of course, with my money too!! hahahaa....i tell you, these bros and sis of mine are good in 'pau'ing my money. Dont get me wrong though, i enjoy having them 'pau'ing my money. Seriously i do. Anyway, back to the shopping thing, after arifah and me had done with her stuff, we went looking for our bros, only to find out that they havent bought any songkok yet.

Me : Lorh, kata nk beli songkok, mane nye?
Aizat : Xde saiz la
Me : Biar betik kamu, tu byk jek eti tgk.
Aizat : Saiz aku xde, aku nye 23.
Aiman: kepala aizat besar..hahahah
Me: Btol la..tu la kecik2 dlu besar sangat kepala..skrg dh ssh nk cr songkok..*laughing out loud*
so camne ni?
Aizat : Try cr lagi esok. Aku kne pakai songkok yang tinggi sket.
Me : Asal plak
Aizat : Sbb aku kepala besar
Me : Besar kepala la..hahahaha

Anyway, i learned about the songkok a lot today, the sizes, the shapes, the velvet, quality and so on..things that i had never bothered before. By the way, who ever thought that the price of a songkok is very expensive? huhuhuh~ *gazing at my purse* Nevermind, i really want to see them with songkok on hari raya..they worth more than all the money that i own. Hope we will be in a better luck for the songkok hunting tomorrow. Pen-off.